


We're Better Together

by Gigimadz



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Best Friends, Fanfiction, Forbidden Love, Fun, Love Confessions, Multi, Relationship(s), Secret Crush, Secret Relationship, Summer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:20:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 68,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gigimadz/pseuds/Gigimadz
Summary: Kiara likes JJ, as more than a friend. JJ likes Kiara as more than a friend. They don't know that their feelings are mutual, and they're both unwilling to risk their friendship. Until the chemistry becomes too much, and the stares drag on for too long. Finding each other was hard, but being together while keeping it a secret from your friends is harder. What will Kie and JJ do. Risk it for the love they feel for another, or follow the no macking on other pogues rule.Characters are the same, just slightly different circumstances.Sarah is in the friend group.
Relationships: JJ & Kiara & Pope & John B. Routledge, JJ & Kiara (Outer Banks), Kiara & Pope (Outer Banks), Sarah Cameron/John B. Routledge
Comments: 34
Kudos: 263





	1. The start

He sat there, joint in hand, staring into the burning embers of the fire. His eyes were glossy, and far gone. I watched as he took another drag of the joint, the end burning up. He lifted his head and exhaled slowly, the smoke billowing around him. The sight sent a chill through me. He keeps his eyes up, his shoulders falling as he begins to relax in the chair. The corner of his lip lifts slightly, and I find myself smiling along with him I love his smile, not the smirk that forms when he makes a joke, or sexual innuendo. The smile that blooms when he thinks no one's looking. The smile lights his whole face up, and it warms my heart. The happiness blooming inside of me stills when I notice her, she’s making her way towards him. I feel my heart begin to hammer, as she blurts something I can’t hear. His smile drops and he sits up, turning to her. She says something else, and he chuckles. I notice the joint has gone out, and he quickly relights it, taking another drag. She extends her hand a smirk on her face, no doubt asking for a drag. I watch as she sits down beside him, I should say basically on top of him, that’s how close she is. He moves just an inch barely noticeable, if you weren’t paying attention, but I was. She hands him back the joint, her eyes turning dark with lust. She leans in close, her hair creating a curtain around them, it makes my stomach tighten and my heart splutter in my chest. I stand suddenly, whoever was beside me looks quickly before turning back. I want so badly to rush over there and take his face in my hands, but I know that I can’t. The consequences would be too high, things would change and I could end up losing him altogether. I couldn’t handle that, so I turned the opposite way and ran. I felt my legs burn but I kept running, the wind pulling my hair back. I finally stop when I’m at the water's edge, the smell of salt permeating the air. My lungs are tight as I gulp down air, my chest heaving up and down. I feel the familiar burn in the back of my throat as the image of JJ and Alyssa pop into my head. I close my eyes tightly so tightly it feels like they might flip outside in. I try to calm the quelling rage inside of me by taking deep breaths, and telling myself that JJ and I can’t be together so it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help, but I keep repeating the words.  
“Kie” I hear behind me, my stomach twists at the familiar voice. I don’t turn around and I feel as if I can’t respond. “Kie” He repeats and I finally open my eyes the bright moon reflecting off the water. I turn slowly, and he’s standing about two feet away.  
“Hey” I hope my voice doesn’t give anything away. His hands go to his hair, a nervous habit of his. “I just needed some air” I add, a small smile on my face. His eyes roam over my face, and I blush instinctively.  
“Did you need something” I say when he doesn’t respond. He looks confused, and he’s not speaking, so I take a step closer.  
“No” He finally says, turning slightly away from me “I just saw you rush off and I..” He stops, his voice cracking slightly. My heart speeds up, he saw me run off. Heat bursts through me, and I can feel my heartbeat in my cheeks.  
“I just wanted to see if you were okay” He finishes, his eyes back on me. He looks so concerned, it makes my breath hitch.  
“I’m not okay, I want you JJ” I should say, I want to say, but instead I respond “I’m fine.” He nods, his hands tucked deep into his pockets. I start walking, needing to be away from him. “We should go back” I smile as I walk past him, he grabs my wrist, and I freeze. I don’t turn back, scared the panic will show on my face.  
“Kie” He breaths and his voice sounds so defeated it makes my heart stutter. I can’t turn now, I don’t want to see the look on his face. I can imagine the pity on his face, for the girl who pines after him, it makes a sick feeling roll over me.  
“We should go back” I repeat, my voice hard now. I go to push away, but his grip tightens just slightly, and I don’t try again.  
“Kie” His voice is more a demand now, and I turn hoping my face is as hard as I feel.  
“What do you want JJ?” I ask, and I’m surprised to see fear on his face. He’s scared right now, It's written on his face. I finally pull away from him.  
“You can’t do this to me Kie” He mutters looking down at his shoes. I want to laugh, but I don’t  
“I’m not doing anything, I want to go back,” I say shrugging to myself, he looks up and his eyes are sharp.  
“Why are you so mad at me?” He asks, worry in his voice, now I’m really shocked.  
“I’m not mad” I stammer, and he huffs  
“You look like you want to kill me, and whenever I want to talk you run away?” He explains stepping closer to me, his scent wafts over me making me dizzy. “Please just tell me what I did wrong Kie” He whispers, and my heart shatters. I don’t realize I’m crying until he’s wiping them away.  
“I’m sorry” He says, his voice is so sincere it makes me cry harder.  
“It’s not you” I cry, stepping away from his warm embrace, I need to get myself together.  
“Then what’s wrong?” He asks, and then I laugh, a bitter twisted laugh that hurts.  
“What isn’t wrong JJ?” I ask, and he huffs running a hand through his hair.  
“I know everything seems shitty right now Kie, but it’ll be fine” He steps closer again, and I shake my head.  
“It’s okay, I’m fine really I’m just tired” I lie, hating how close I am to spilling everything.  
“Do you want me to drive you home?” He asks, I shake my head. “You were smoking” I laugh, and he chuckles too, the sound too soothing.  
“Okay let's get John B to drive us both” He laughs again extending his hand, I take It unable to resist.  
“You know you can talk to me whenever Kie, I’m not only good for a laugh” He laughs bumping into my shoulder slightly  
“I know you’re good for more JJ” I hope he sees how serious I am. He’s better than most people, and he deserves to know that.  
“Question?” He says and I nod “When do you think John B will tell us about Sarah and him” He laughs, and I laugh along  
“Not until we say something” I answer, and he nods.  
…  
“You are kidding me?” Pope says, I shake my head as John B laughs loudly, JJ’s still not here. “But” He croaks making me laugh  
“It’s fine Pope,” I say, and he sighs  
“I’m just confused Sarah Cameron” He exclaims his wide stare directed to John B, who nods still chuckling.  
“Does JJ know?” Pope asks,  
“Yes” I respond looking around as if he’ll just show up  
“Where is he?” I ask, John B looks a bit sheepish and so does Pope. I sit up straighter, curious.  
“He’s out with Alyssa” John b says, and a weird tension fills my body. “Oh, why didn’t you guys tell me” I laugh hoping it sounds real, they shrug  
“First date?” I ask they nod.  
“Cool, Alyssa’s nice,” I say, John and Pope both nod again, but the air around us feels awkward.  
“So I have a question?” I say, pulling my hair up into a bun  
“Shoot” John B says as he leans back into the hammock. Pope leans back against the tree, hands behind his head.  
“What do you guys think of Andrew,” I say, feeling my cheeks flush  
“Andrew Williams?” John B asks  
“Ya” I nod, “He asked me out and I was just wondering what you guys thought of him” I shrug, and John B shoots up, and Pope’s jaw drops.  
“You want to go out with Andrew Williams,” Pope asks, I shrug angrily  
“So?” I say, they both start laughing and I feel my anger rise“Why can’t I date him?” I ask, they continue laughing.  
“Date who?” I hear Sara ask behind me, I turn and she walks toward John B giving him a quick peck on the lips.  
“Andrew Williams” John B answers, she smiles widely  
“Kie, He’s cute,” She says and I nod  
“They guys are having a laughing fit over it” I state angrily, Pope lifts his hands in mock surrender. “Hey, you two are just very different” Pope explains and I sigh  
“Why?” I ask  
“He’s preppy,” John B says, and I sigh loudly  
“Opposites attract, and he might be super cool” I explain, but they both start laughing again. Sarah hits John B’s arm, and he just shrugs.  
“Go for it Kie” He says, and I roll my eyes.  
“Thanks for your permission” I smile sarcastically, he chuckles, and So does Sara. I try to keep the image of Alyssa and JJ on a date out of my head, but of course it just plays on a loop instead. I call Andrew that night to set up a date the next day.  
…  
I stop as when I hear Alyssa’s name. I’m behind the fence, the side of the house blocking me from their view, as they continue talking.  
“It was nice” JJ says, and my stomach twists, nice?  
“Nice, what have you done with JJ?” Pope laughs  
“What do you losers want to know” He laughs, and I can hear the familiar rock against a can. They’re shooting bottles with Rocks, one of JJ’s favorite pastimes.  
“I don’t know man, she’s cool I guess but I’m not a relationship guy, it’s too much” He explains, his voice cold. JJ is the definition of a commitment-phobe.  
“Then why go out with her?” John B asks, I step closer wanting to hear the answer, but I slide against the rocks and the noise echos. I freeze and, I know they’ve heard. So I place my bag on my shoulders and start walking towards them. They’re all staring when I walk out from behind the fence.  
“Hey” I smile, JJ has a small smile on his face.  
“Did you slip?” John B asks, I sigh  
“Fuck off” I mutter, making them all laugh.  
“So I heard you went on a date with Alyssa” I Smirk even though I feel like shit, he chuckles and turns away from me.  
“Come on details, how was it. Did you fall in love?” I mock sitting down next to Pope, who’s reading something.  
“No way” He mutters “It was nice, fine, just whatever stop asking me about all of you” He exclaims, his voice cluttered.  
“Oooh, does someone have feelings?” John b mocks, and JJ shoves him making them both laugh.  
“No, because all of you are dateless losers I’ll give you the detail that there will be no second date” He says his eyes scanning over all of us.  
“I’m not dateless” I say, and they all turn to me, even Pope puts down his book.  
“What?” JJ asks, his eyes glued to me.  
“I called Andrew last night, and we’re going out tonight” I shrug, John B’s jaw drops.  
“I told you yesterday” I defend  
“I didn’t think you meant it” He argues and I sigh  
“Well I did” I mutter, and he groans  
“If you two date we’ll have to get to know him” John B groans  
“Ya we don’t do well with Preppy Kie,” Pope says  
“You’re a nerd too,” I say, and he glares  
“Pope isn’t an asshole Kook” JJ finally says something, his jaw clenched.  
“Last time I checked Alyssa was a Kook too” I exclaim angrily, his stare is intense and I can feel it all over me.  
“Alyssa wasn’t anything” He explains, and the words actually give me some relief and I hate myself for it. “Whatever, you guys can do whatever you want and I’m tired of always being the mature one if I want to go out with a Kook I can” I sigh, feeling my heart hammer.  
…  
“I’m glad you called” Andrew smiles kindly, as he pulls out the chair for me. I sit down, and smile politely back.  
“Me too” I respond, picking up the menu. He sits across, a wide smile on his face. Andrew was cute, with his light brown hair, and nice straight smile. He didn’t have the messy blonde hair, or the crooked smirk I so used to, but he was cute.  
“This place is really nice” I smile, he nods  
“My dad recommends it” He nods, and I tug at my crop top. I wasn’t expecting a five-star restaurant on the first date, so I dressed casually. My peace and Love crop top, with my favorite denim shorts. I guess I should have asked.  
“The steak is really good” Andrew muses his eyes scanning over the menu.  
“I’m actually a vegetarian” I say, and he looks up his eyes wide.  
“Oh, sorry I didn't know” He states  
“No It’s fine just letting you know” I stutter  
“Do you mind if I get the steak?” He asks “No, go ahead” I assure, he nods and looks back down at the menu. The Awkwardness doesn’t seem to go away. The rest of the date is choppy, and we’re both just being polite asking easy questions.  
…  
“Thank you for tonight” I smile as we stand at my doorstep, Andrew has his hands in his pockets.  
“Thank you, I had a really good time” He smiles, and I nod. I know he’s gonna lean In, I can feel the air around us shift. I want to say no, and rush inside but them I think of JJ and I know I should. I should try to move on, maybe I’m being too harsh. So I step forward letting him know it’s okay. He leans in, and his cologne fills the small space between us. His lips are soft, and his hands circle my waist pulling me even closer. I can taste the meat on his breath, and my stomach turns slightly. I pull away, and he’s breathing hard.  
“Goodnight” I smile, but it feels forced and awkward just like tonight.  
“Goodnight” He smiles widely before walking back to his truck. I watch as he peels out of the driveway quickly the dirt swirling up from his tires.  
“JJ would have waited for me to go inside” I state bitterly to myself before I rush inside.  
…  
“So how was your date?” Sarah asks when we’re all gathered in John B’s backyard, my stomach twists.  
“Fine” I shrug, she frowns and leans forward  
“Details” She exclaims  
“It was good, we went out to dinner, and talked” I nod, she smiles  
“So will there be a second date?” She asks, I look over at JJ who’s staring down at the grass.  
“Did he tick off all your boxes Kie. Does he love animals?” JJ asks, his amused smirk on his face.  
“Jj” Sarah sighs  
“He doesn’t carry a gun so ya” I retort, and he glares  
“One time Kie” He remark,s  
“Three times” I respond, he groans “You are never gonna let me live that down” He quips  
“nope cause it was dumb” I shrug  
“Guys okay, calm down” Sarah states, her eyes darting between us. Sarah stands pulling me up with her.  
“Let's go get some drinks” She smiles, and I nod. I can feel his eyes on me, but I don’t turn back.  
“What’s going on?” Sarah asks once we’re inside.  
“Nothing, you know JJ is annoying” I shrug opening the fridge.  
“You sure?” She asks again  
“Ya, he just gets on my nerves” I laugh, she nods. We head back outside and I throw JJ’s drink at him making him laugh. He gives me that smirk, and I know we’re fine, like always.  
…  
The bonfire is in full swing when we get there, already high as fuck. I grab some sand passing it between my hands. John B and Sarah are cuddle closely, huge smiles on their faces.  
“You guys are gross” I groan making Sarah laugh. I feel JJ’s arms wrap around me and I melt into him.  
“Kie, just face it, they have true love and we’ll never have it” He fake cries making us all laugh and John B shoves him. The feeling of his arm around me makes me shiver, and I lean in slightly.  
“JJ” I hear, both of us turn and spot Alyssa making her way over to us. JJ doesn’t let go of my waist, and I don’t move away.  
“Hey” She smiles, her eyes moving to me. Alyssa is one of the richest people who live here, well her parents are, and she makes sure everyone knows.  
“Kiara” She smiles at me, her white teeth sparkling in the moonlight.  
“I haven’t heard from you” She says, JJ runs a hand through his hair.  
“I… ya” He mumbles. JJ is use to having one night stands, he doesn’t know how to act towards a girl he went out on a date with. I know he thinks he'll come off as a dick if he just says he doesn't like her, that's why he only does one night stands, it's easier for everyone.  
“Sorry” He says, she shakes her head.  
“If you like her let go of me, if you don’t, I’ll act like we’re on a date” I whisper super quietly in his ear. He hesitates for a minute before pulling me closer to him.  
“You know I told you about how this is casual” He says, she nods staring at our touching bodies. I feel warm all over, and my head is dizzy.  
“Kie and I are you know” He looks down at me with hooded eyes, and a tingle works it way over me.  
“oh” She mumbles, her eyes sharp “Really, I heard you went out on a date with Andrew,” She says her eyes on mine now.  
“I did, but you know I'm not married Alyssa” I smile, and I can hear John b laugh behind us.  
“Oh, so you guys are dating?” She asks  
“Well we're technically on a date right now,” JJ remarks, she nods and my heart hammers.  
“Well have fun than” She says before strutting off, swaying her hips.  
“Thank you kie” He mutters sounding relieved.  
"Next time you are on your own" I mutter pulling away from his warm embrace, Sarah raises her eyebrow at me, making me blush.  
"Now, I need a drink" JJ mutter running a hand through his hair before rushing off to the keg.  
"That was hilarious" John B cries  
"Why?" I ask  
'You and JJ, it's just weird" He laughs pulling Sarah closer to him. I notice Sarah gives me a sympathetic look, and I quickly look away.  
"Kie, Look" JJ calls I turn and he gets pulled up to a keg stand. I try not to laugh, but the sight is too cute not to.  
"I'm next dumb ass" I call rushing over, while Pope follows behind me.  
...  
We're all sitting by the fire, Pope is passed out, head on JJ's lap. Sarah is playing with John B's hair, looking completely and utterly in love, and I'm sitting staring into the fire alone. My buzz has died down, and now my brain is swirling. The image of JJ pulling me close is relaying in my head, and I can't help the shiver that runs up my spine. I look over at him, and he's staring off too, his eyes foggy. He looks up, his eyes tracing the stars, as a very small smile pops onto his face. He looks towards me suddenly, and I know I should be embarrassed I was caught staring but I can't look away from him. Not when his eyes are blazing and sharp, and he still has that smile on his face, the one reserved for the stars. The stars and me, I guess.


	2. Not My Fault

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy😊

I shoot out of bed, my heart pounding as another loud bang comes from my window. I turn to my closed window, and then another rock crashes against it. I rush up, my bedsheets falling at my feet. I open the window and notice JJ climbing up the tree. His hair is messy, and he's wearing the same tank top and shorts from earlier.   
"What are you doing?" I aks hoping my parents don't wake up. He panting as he sits on the branch outside my window. His eyes are glistening in the moonlight, but he looks serious.   
"Can I come in?" He asks, I nod and open the window wider so he can crawl in. I make sure my door is locked just in case my mom decided to come check on me.   
"What's going on JJ?" I ask turning on my lamp. That's when I notice the bruise forming around his eye, my stomach drops.   
"JJ" I rush around the bed, reaching out for him. He steps back and winces, making me freeze.   
"I got into a fight" He explains, but his voice is void and low.   
"JJ" I repeat stepping closer and this time he doesn't move back, but his breathing is louder.   
"It was stupid really" He shrugs, and my heart stutters, and I take another step closer. I can see another bruise forming on his jaw, and this time when I reach out he doesn't move. I hover over his jaw, letting my fingers lightly trace the blooming blue.   
"Are you okay?" I ask my fingers moving to his cheek, my fingers buzz from the feeling of his skin.   
"I'm fine" He assures but again his voice is small. "I was going to John B's but Sarah's there" He explains, his eyes moving down to his feet.  
"So I'm second best" I joke pulling his face towards me so I can look at him. His eyes search my face, and he cracks a small smile, it makes my heart glow.   
"Third actually, I would have went to Popes but his dad's still mad about us making him ditch work" He laughs, and it echos around me making me laugh too. His laugh suddenly becomes choppy, and I can hear the gasp behind it, it makes me pull him in and tightly hug him.   
"I don't mind" I say holding him tightly to me. I don't hear his cries but I can feel the shake of his body, the shuddering breathes he takes every couple of seconds. I go to pull away, but his arms circle my waist pulling me in again.   
"I was just gonna move to the bed" I say, and his grip loosens just slightly. I run my hand down his arm squeezing slightly so he knows to look at me.   
"Come on let's lay down" I smile, even though I want to cry with him. His face looks so defeated it makes anger seize my body. He nods slowly, the wetness around his eyes glistening from the light. I lay down first pulling the blankets back and patting the spot next to me.   
"I can sleep on the floor" he says, and he looks nervous.   
"Oh can you?" I ask, and he nods making me laugh   
"Get in the bed Idiot" I laugh, he smiles, and takes off his shoes. I watch as he crawls into the spot beside me, a tension behind his movements. He lays with one of his arms behind his head and I kick myself for noticing the way it makes his muscles bulge slightly. I something I would never do and lay my head lightly on his chest. I can feel him stiffen slightly, and then after a couple seconds he relaxes. I focus on his strong heartbeat and try not to focus on how good he smells. His hand crawls up my back landing on my waist, it makes me smile in the dark.  
"Goodnight Kie" He mumbles quietly, like he's not sure if I'm awake. I snuggle closer relishing in the soft groan that escapes his lips. I fall asleep quickly. No wicked thoughts cursing my brain, and no hopeful scenarios racing through my mind.  
...  
When I open my eyes I'm disoriented, and then the memory of last night bursts through me, and I sit up turning to the other side of my bed. It's empty. My heart squeezes in my chest, and I feel cold. That's when I notice a note on the bedside table. I quickly reach for it, twisting weirdly. It's messy like he wrote it without much light.   
"Thank you for letting me stay, I left before your parents got up. -JJ" Is all it says, and I can't help the twinge of disappointment that courses through me.   
"What was I expecting" I murmur to myself turning the paper over, that's when I see more writing.   
"Ps your bed was hella comfy props to Kook mattresses," He writes and I smile, and shake my head. I huff and drop down on my pillow, a wide smile on my face. I suddenly remember the bruises on his face, and my smile drops. I know he didn't get into a fight, I know the bruises are from his dad. He never admits it though, and none of us push him too. I've met his dad once, and I hated every second of it. He's a creep, and he would look at Jj sometimes with this pure evil look when he thought no one was looking. I sit up, feeling sick from the memory. I couldn't imagine being scared to go home every day, to walk on eggshells. That's why he usually stayed with John B, he would say it was because he was too wasted to walk back and it was easier but we all knew he was scared.   
...  
"What the fuck dude" Pope spoke and we all looked in the direction he was talking. JJ was walking towards us, the bruise looked worse now, like it had time to widen and seep into him.   
"Got into it with some Kook" He shrugs, his eyes avoid mine, and Pope rushes over inspecting the bruise.   
"Dude when?" Pope asks, sounding concerned. John B gives me that look, the one we usually give each other when another bruise forms on JJ. But I feel weird this time like I'm betraying what we had last night.   
"After you all went home, it's not a big deal" He smiles an amused smile, and Pope steps away nodding. He sits down across from me, and I can't help but inspect his face for more than I saw last night.   
"What Kook?" Sarah asks, her eyes confused. I want to tell her to drop it, but I know that will cause too many questions, so I don't say anything.   
"Why does it matter?" He asks his tone defensive, Sarah shrugs.   
"What was the fight about?" John B asks now, and I give him a weird look, he shrugs.   
"Can't we drop it, I don't want to hear about how two testosterone-filled boys fought. It's anti-climactic and stupid" I quip, hoping that's enough for the subject to be dropped.   
"If it makes you feel better Kie, I won" He smirks at me, and I have to bite my lip from laughing so instead I glare.   
"The bruise on your face is very convincing" I retort, and his smile drops just slightly making my joke burn and simmer inside of me. I hope he knows I was joking.   
"It's a battle wound, woman think it's sexy" he says, and I breathe a sigh of relief.   
"You're gross" I comment, and Sarah laughs along with John B. HIs eyes crinkle and he gives me another soft smile, that makes my heart hammer against my ribs.   
"So I ran into Andrew" Sarah says, and I quickly turn away from JJ. She smirks at me, and I blush. "He said your date was really good" She adds.   
"Really good?" John B repeats smiling"You said it was fine" He exclaims, and I shove him with my foot.   
"I guess he thought it was really good" I shrug feeling all eyes on me.  
"You didn't think it was really good?" Pope asks, I'm surprised because I thought he was too focused on his book to listen to the conversation.   
"It was good, I just didn't think we had that much in common," I say "And don't say I told you so okay" I quickly add looking at John B And JJ.   
"Hey we didn't say anything" John B says, but he's smiling widely.   
"So was there just no chemistry?" Sarah asks. I remember all of a sudden my quickening heart whenever I'm around JJ, that didn't happen with Andrew.   
"It felt like we were just friends hanging out" I explain, she nods.   
"No butterflies, or heart beating faster when he tried to kiss you?" She asks "Oh did he try to kiss you?" She adds smirking   
"Is there always butterflies, maybe it's too early" I shrug, she huffs   
"There are butterflies right away when you like someone like that, trust me" She blushes, and John B pulls her closer.   
"Maybe it's not always like that" I retort lamely. I'm not even convincing myself.   
"Maybe there's someone else?" Pope says suddenly, and my heart beats loudly.   
"No" I blurt quickly Sarah raises her eyebrow. "I just mean I would know if there was someone else" I clarify.   
"Maybe you just haven't noticed them" Pope says, and I shake my head. JJ gives Pope a wide-eyed look, and he shrugs. "I just think you wouldn't notice" He says, his eyes on me.  
"Maybe I just need to give Andrew another chance," I say "He could surprise me" I play with my shoelace. No one says anything, they all just stare off.   
"What no smart ass remark?" I ask JJ, who chuckles and leans back on his palms.   
"I don't have any input, you like the guy, you don't" he reveals, and the words hit me, making me a bit dizzy. "I do think Andrews a stupid Kook who has no idea of real life, but" He continues.   
"Can we stop the whole Kook versus Pogues thing" Sarah asks, her cheeks pink   
"No, you wouldn't know you're a kook," JJ says   
"So is Kie technically" She exclaims, and I shake my head   
"I'm a pogue, always have been" I state   
"Kie's different" JJ agrees and I can't help but smile.  
"Whatever, come on John B, we have that dinner with my dad" She stands, extending her hand to him.   
"We have too?" He groans loudly, she sighs and nods   
"Get up, and come on, it'll be done in an hour" She quips, and he stands.   
"Bring back some food" JJ says making John B laugh. Pope stands then, pulling his bag of books up with him.   
"I have to go, Dad needs my help with some catering gig" He smiles down at me.   
"Have fun" JJ comments and I nod up at him. I watch as he rushes off, he's always in a hurry. The urge to ask him how he's doing is strong, but I hold back knowing he won't want to talk about it.   
"You can ask now" His voice startles me, and I turn to him confused "I know you want to ask, just ask" He says his eyes bright.   
"You're wrong" I lie, and he chuckles   
"Oh am I" His smirk sends a tingle down my spine. I nod, and smirk back hoping he doesn't know how out of breath I am. Comfortable silence stretches between us, as we sit there in John B's backyard, two feet away from each other. I notice him wince as he lays down on the hard ground, his eyes closed. I want to ask him, I should have asked before, but I didn't want to admit I was thinking about him. I watch his chest rise and fall, a peaceful look on his face.   
"I'm okay Kie," He says so quietly I almost miss it. One of his eyes open, and he squints, smiling in my direction. "You don't have to worry so much, mama Pogue" He laughs, and I laugh too.   
"Shut up, I wasn't worried" I look away from him focusing on the dock.   
"Sure" He quips, I can hear the smile in his voice, and it warms me.   
...  
I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I've been tossing and turning for an hour now, and no part of me wants to relax. I look over at my clock, 3:12, glows brightly. I sigh loudly, turning to my side. Why couldn't I just sleep?! I know why, my brain is too plagued with the thought of JJ, like always. Except now I'm scared for him, I'm scared his dad will do it again like always. I shake my head like it will somehow shake away all the thought in my head. I force myself to think of anything else, and the only other thing that pops into my head is a shirtless JJ. I remember the first day I realized I was attracted to JJ, it was so random I actually gasped.   
~  
"It is so hot" I croak fanning myself with my hand, everyone groans in response. There was a heatwave going on, so we decided that going out on the boat was the best idea. I pull off my shirt, sighing in relief as a breeze passes over us. John B, and Pope are already stripped down to their board shorts, but JJ was fully clothed and lounging across from me.   
"How are you not hot?" I ask him, shocked at his clothed state.   
"If you wanted to see me shirtless you should just ask" He winks and I shove him, making John B laugh. He suddenly sits up and pulls off his shirt, and my mouth goes dry. I haven't seen him shirtless all winter I guess, and I can't help but notice his more defined stature. He stretches and his shorts ride down, my eyes follow and I spot his v-lines and happy trail leading down into his shorts. I gasp as a sudden wave of pleasure rolls over me, they all look at me with wide eyes. Heat blooms over my body, as a very vivid urge of wanting to touch him courses through me.   
"A bug flew in my eye" I recover quickly looking away from JJ. I knew JJ was objectively cute, they all were, but I've never wanted to kiss his naked body before. The urge grew stronger as he stood to jump into the water. The smile on his face suddenly seemed too sexy. I clutch my shirt to my chest, and my skin tingles as he bobs up, and shakes his hair out.   
"It's super refreshing" He moans and my eyes widen. The guys jump in next, all of them laughing as they try to push each other further down.   
"Kie come on" JJ says, and I turn further away hating the way my heart rate sped up. I jumped in quickly hoping the cold water woke me up from this weird heat-induced daze. I feel a pair of arms wrap around me, and I squeak. JJ laughs pulling me flush against his hard chest.   
"Your turn" He laughs maniacally, pushing back under the cold water. I can feel his big hand still clasped around my waist holding me steady. He pulls me up, and my hair covers my face, making him laugh harder. He pulls me against him to steady us, and pushes the wet hair from my face, a wide smile on his face. I feel my breath hitch as his hooded eyes roam over me. My body feels hot again, and another wave of lust rolls over me.   
"Got you" He smirks, and I feel like I can't breathe. I do what I know best, and I shove him under as far as I can before swimming back to the boat.   
"Kie" He laughs when he comes up, I laugh along, feeling giddy.   
~  
The memory brings a smile on my face, and a wave of heat rolls over me. I close my eyes and his toned stomach fills my mind, I've seen it so many times since, I think I could trace all the lines from memory. I clutch my pillow hating how turned on I feel, from a memory. A familiar sound makes me sit up. I turn to the window, and again a small pebble hits the window. I rush over opening the window, and trying not to act too excited. He's climbing again, and I feel the rush of giddiness shoot through me.   
"Hey" He smiles, and I quickly check his face for any new bruises. I step back from the window letting him know he can come in, and he does.   
"Hey" I manage, and he looks nervous again."Did something happen?" I ask, scared of the answer, but he shakes his head.   
"No, sorry, I shouldn't have come" He mumbles quietly, I shake my head.   
"No, It's okay" I assure, not wanting him to leave. He stands there, we both do, just staring at each other.   
"I couldn't sleep," He says finally   
"Me either" I respond, he nods slowly. I move to the other side of the bed and get in, hoping he follows. He hesitates again for a couple seconds before jumping in beside me. I lay my head on my pillow this time instead of his chest, and I stare at his moving chest.   
"I don't know what to do Kie" He whispers, so quietly I think I made it up.   
"I know" I nod, even though he's staring up at the ceiling. I reach out to touch his arm, and he stiffens. I move my hand to his chest, letting it rest over his heart. I can feel the loud thrum of his heart, and it relaxes me.   
"You're not alone JJ, you have us," I say "You have me" I quickly add before I talk myself out of it. He looks at me, his face hard, and unreadable. He shifts closer to me so now we're touching, and he leans down enough to lay a small kiss on top of my head. The feeling of his lips makes goosebumps break out on my skin. He shifts again this time moving his arm so it brings me up onto his chest. I smile and nestle deeper into him. He's so warm, and soft, I find myself drifting off almost right away.   
"You have me to Kie, always" He whispers just before I fall asleep.


	3. Wishing

“Hey” He says slightly breathless. He’s smiling widely, before nodding to both JJ and Pope.  
“Hey” I respond, stepping slightly away from JJ’s grasp. “How are you?” I add quickly feeling the awkwardness grow between us.  
“Good, I called a couple of times, but you never called back?” He says, and there’s no accusation in his tone only curiosity.  
“Shit I’m sorry. I kind of kept forgetting” I say, he nods shoving his hands in his pockets. “I’m really sorry Andrew, really I’m just forgetful” I explain feeling like an asshole.  
“No it’s fine, I was just wondering” He assures a small smile on his face, he looks over at Pope and JJ, who are both staring at us.  
“You want to go for a walk?” He asks, I nod. He takes my hand, and leads me towards the waters' edge.  
“Have fun love birds” JJ calls, I turn and glare, he just shrugs slightly before turning to Pope. The waves crash around us as we walk.  
“I like you Kiara and if you don’t like me that’s totally fine, I just want you to be honest” He blurts suddenly, I stop walking and he looks confused.  
“I’m sorry. It’s not that I don’t like you, I think it’s just I’m not ready for a relationship” the words slip out of me and I don’t even realize. I guess I’m being honest I just left out the part where I wasn’t ready for a relationship because I was into one of my best friends who is never going to see me like that!  
“Oh, okay. I’m glad you told me” He smiles  
“We can be friends” I suggest as we start walking again.  
“I’d like that” He smiles kindly at me.  
…  
After the walk I find Sara and John B huddles together on a log. They turn to me as I walk towards them, Sarah smiles.  
“Hey” She says first, I nod. “Did I just see you talking to Andrew?” She adds, her smile turning into a suggestive smirk.  
“Nothing happened, we decided to be friends” I blush  
“Did you tell him you had no chemistry with him?” John B asks, and I glare.  
“No, I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship, which is the truth” I defend. John B laughs again, and Sarah gives him a look.  
“When did you become such an ass?” I laugh shoving him, he laughs harder.  
“Hey, you love me” He smiles widely, and I sigh loudly.  
“Not as of late” I laugh, making him huff, and Sarah laughs. “So where are the other two?” I ask spinning around to look around.  
“I saw Pope talking to someone, and JJ was with Alyssa” John B says. I gulp feeling the familiar flare of jealousy in my chest.  
“I thought he was done with her” I laugh, but it sounds bitter.  
“I guess not, you know JJ” He laughs and I nod. I sit against the log while, Sarah tells John B about something her sister did earlier. My eyes drift over the crowd, someone wanting and not wanting to find JJ. I find Pope, and he’s explaining something with a lot of hand motions to a girl who really doesn’t look interested. Probably telling her something that’s going over her head. I move my eyes the opposite way, and my stomach plummets. Alyssa is on JJ’s lap, her hands tangles in his hair, while he sips on his beer. Rage burst inside of me, and all I want is to go spill my drink all over him. I feel used, and the thought makes me dizzy and uncomfortable. She laughs loudly, and whispers something in his ear, a sly smirk on her face. I swallow the lump in my throat, and look away before I see them kiss and I really go over there to punch him. I turn to John B and Sarah who are smiling at each other.  
“I think I’m gonna leave,” I say, Sarah looks upset.  
“What no, you just got here” She says, pulling away from John B.  
“I worked all day, and I’m tired” I explain already stepping away from them  
“Kie” John B says  
“There’s gonna be more parties” I laugh, Sarah, sighs.  
“I can drive you” John B stands, I shake my head.  
“I really want to walk, clear my head,” I assure him, he looks hesitant.  
“Have fun” I smile and walk in the direction of the road. I keep my eyes away from JJ, and Alyssa, my anger and sadness too overpowering. The reality of the situation settles and all of a sudden I feel pathetic. The word lit up in bright letters In my head. JJ and I are nothing, and here I am almost crying at the sight of him with Alyssa. He can have sex with whoever he wants, he does. The words cause a pang to shoot through me. I start running, the wind whips my hair around, and I can feel the burn in my thighs, but I keep running. I run all the way home, feeling nothing but the burn in my legs, and lungs.  
…  
Another sleepless night, the run didn’t exhaust me enough, I guess my brain wins out once again. I hear the pebble against the window, the sound I’ve been searching for all night, but I don’t move, instead, I shut my eyes. I hear it again, and I shake my head as if he can see me. As if he can sense that I’m not letting him in tonight. I can’t let him in, not after tonight. I need to be by myself, to give myself space to get over him. To realize he’ll never see me like that, and that it doesn’t matter how many times he sleeps in my bed, that won’t change. Not for him. He throws another pebble, and It takes all my will to stay in my bed, to keep my eyes shut. I keep the image of him and Alyssa in my head to help, and it only sort of does. The other part is screaming at me to let him in, to just let him comfort me even if I’m sad because of him. He doesn’t throw another pebble, and I let out the breath I hadn’t realized I’d been holding. I shove my face in my pillow, praying for sleep, but it doesn’t come that night. Leaving me to toss and turn by myself tonight.  
…  
I meet everyone at John B’s, my surfboard in hand. After barely sleeping all night I need this. Surfing always relaxed me.  
“Kie” Sarah cheers when she sees me. John B also promised to teach her how to surf today, even though I don’t think it’ll be her thing.  
“Hey” I smile as she gives me a small hug.  
“I’m so ready for this” She exclaims excitedly. I smile at Pope, who gives me a small wave. I don’t look at JJ, the memory of last night having been burned behind my eyes.  
“Let's go” I smile handing John B my board so he can put it on his van rack. I sit in my usual seat, looking at my hands in my lap. I feel JJ sit next to me, which is normal, it’s somehow always us stuck together. Pope pulls out a pad of paper and quickly jots something down, his eyes serious.  
“So tips” Sarah says turning back from the front seat.  
“About?” I ask, she sighs  
“Surfing” She exclaims in a duh tone.  
“You’ll hate it” JJ jumps in, she groans  
“I don’t see why all of you say that!” She stammers angrily making me smile. The ride is quiet, and bumpy, making my body uncontrollably slam into JJ’s every couple of minutes. The waves are big today, swelling and falling on repeat. I rush in as fast as possible after waxing my board, needing the relaxation the water gives me. I paddle out as far as I can, before sitting up and scoping for a good wave. I spot JJ heading in for one, his face set in concentration. JJ actually taught me how to surf, he kind of taught all of us. He never told us who taught him, it’s hard to imagine his dad taking him here and being patient enough to show him how. I always thought it was his mom before she left. He stands and rides out the wave, that smile back on his face. I can’t help but smile too, he looks so happy. I turn away towards Sarah, who’s laughing as she tries to paddle out. John is behind her pushing the back of her board. She smiles lovingly back at him, and he laughs. I feel an unfamiliar rush come over me, and it leaves my heart pounding, and my skin hot. I look out towards the open waves, but the feeling only expands. I drop my hand into the cold water and shut my eyes tightly. I paddle back to shore, my arms aching. Sarah and John B give me a weird look, but I just smile. I shove my board in the sand, and plop down next to it. I tuck my knees to my chest, letting the breeze roll over me. I watch as JJ surfs another wave, and he cheers out loudly. Sarah paddles out just a meter away, the waves rocking her side to side. She practices standing from the laying position, which is actually really funny to watch. She looks like a small puppy every time she pops up from the water. She whispers something to John B before she starts walking to shore. She huffs before sitting next to me.  
“Tired?” I ask, she crosses her legs and lays back.  
“Exhausted” She sighs making me laugh  
“It’ll get easier” I promise, resting my chin on my knee. She sits up on her forearms a curious look on her face.  
“I don’t think I’ll be doing that again” She laughs, tilting her head and inspecting my face.”Can I ask you a question?” She asks “You just did” I laugh, she sighs and sits up.  
“I'm serious” She nods her smile gone. I sit up too, and nod in response. “You promise to listen and not get mad” She ducks her head, and now I’m on edge.  
“Yes, now come on tell me” I urge, she looks around before looking back at me.  
“Do you like JJ?” She asks, and my stomach drops. I look at her wide-eyed, and she keeps a neutral face.  
“No” I state, she nods  
“Okay, I was just curious” She holds her hands up, and I huff  
“Why does it look like I like him?” I ask feeling my cheeks heat.  
“No, I was just wondering because I notice him looking at you sometimes” She explains, digging her hands in the sand.  
“What?” I ask, she laughs  
“He stares at you all the time, it’s obvious he likes you and I was just wondering if you felt the same” She explains, and it's my turn to laugh loudly.  
“No, no, JJ does not like me” I laugh loudly, so loudly John B looks back at us.  
“He does” She exclaims, I shove her and she laughs too “I’m serious, Kie!” She states and I stop laughing  
“Agree to disagree then” I smile, she shoves me and laughs.  
…  
I’ve been avoiding JJ all day, every time it looks like he’s going to ask me something I start another conversation, or move away. I don’t know if he’s noticed but I do catch him giving me the “What’s up” look. Sarah’s words from earlier replay in my mind, there is no way JJ likes me. Last night kind of proved it. Except I went out with Andrew and I… no, there is no way! We all sit by a small fire in John B’s backyard. We thought about going to another party at the cut, but Sarah said she was too exhausted from her Surfing earlier. I was glad, I don’t think I could do another night where Alyssa is all over JJ. Pope is leaning against me, as he uses the fire for light.  
“What are you reading?” JJ asks leaning up from where he’s lounging. Pope holds up one finger, JJ laughs and lays back down. Finally pope looks up, and shuts his book slightly.  
“It’s BRS gross anatomy” He explains, and I laugh. “It’s interesting” He says his eyes wide making me laugh harder.  
“We know how much you love the human body Pope” JJ says and I don’t want to laugh harder, but I can’t help it, it bubbles through me.  
“It’s course material that I want to get a head start on,” He says, and I nod  
“Honestly I’m proud Pope, I could never stay awake for that book. It just shows how smart you are” I assure patting his shoulder gently, he shrugs and looks back down at the cover.  
“Too smart if you ask me,” JJ says and I bite my tongue  
“You're calling me too smart?” Pope asks  
“Yes, its summer have fun, you have all of next year to prepare” He shrugs, his eyes still glued to the stars above.  
“I can be fun,” Pope says  
“I know man, you’re fun but you’d be even more fun without the book” He states  
“Fine, I’ll be fun” Pope looks determined, it’s the same look he gets when he starts a school project.  
“Pope” I warn, but he rushes over to JJ and holds out his hand.  
“What?” He asks, looking up at him  
“Joint” He states, and I groan  
“Pope, you don’t smoke,” I say, he turns to me and shrugs  
“I’m letting loose Kie” He explains, I sigh, and JJ hands him a rolled joint. I watch as he lights it and takes a long drag. He coughs loudly, the kind that sounds like his lungs are rattling.  
“That’s good” JJ smiles, patting him on the back. Pope takes another drag while holding his chest.  
“Looks like a fun night” JJ smiles, and I glare.  
…  
“I can’t believe you let him get this bad” I whisper yell to JJ, who’s holding the other side of Pope up.  
“How is this my fault?” He asks, I groan as Pope laughs loudly.  
“Shut up” I scold trying to maneuver him around the rock.  
“If his dad finds him, he’s gonna kill him!” I explain, as I open Pope’s window so we can help him sneak in.  
“Hey he wanted to have fun, why am I his keeper?” JJ asks, and I sigh  
“You had to egg him on, you don’t have to start a rebellion in everyone JJ” I exclaim my voice slightly above a whisper  
“Shh” Pope interjects a wide smile on his face, his eyes are focused ahead, and they look very gazed.  
“He chose to do this Kie, I know its easier to blame me” He says, and my heart aches slightly, but my anger wins out.  
“Shut up and get him inside” I order, and he sighs before helping Pope climb messily into his room. I watch for any lights, as JJ leads him to his bed, and kind of tucks him in before climbing back out the window.  
“Why are you so mad?” JJ asks as we walk back to the van.  
“I’m just annoyed” I cross my arms, and he huffs  
“You haven’t looked at me all day Kie” He finally says it, and my heart stammers.  
“What do you mean?” I stop walking and turn to him, his eyes are softer than I expected.  
“You haven’t talked to me all day and I want to know why?” He explains running a hand through his messy hair.  
“It’s not that serious okay, we just haven’t talked much today” I continue walking, but his arm reaches out for me, and I freeze.  
“You’re lying” He states so sure, I shake my head. “I know when your lying Kie, so come on just tell me so I can apologize” He sighs his voice sounding defeated  
“Why would you apologize if you don’t know what you did?” I huff getting angry again.  
“Because I hate not talking to you. I hate that you’re mad at me Kie and I’d apologize for anything to make that go away” He exclaims his voice loud. I stand shocked, his eyes roam over mine, before quickly looking down at his shoes. “I just mean.. we’re friends Kie and I want us to be okay” He adds quietly, my stomach twists violently.  
“I don’t know why I was mad” I confess, feeling stupid, he looks up and gives me a small amused smile.  
“Kie” He chuckles and I shove him  
“Come on let's go, before they come looking for us” I say, he nods that smile sending butterflies through my stomach.  
…  
I realize I’m waiting for the pebble tonight. I keep my back to the window, but I’m awake and waiting for the natural sound of the pebble hitting the window. A big part of me thinks he won’t come not after last night, but then everything that happened in the woods by Popes house, maybe he will. I’m clutching my pillow tightly, my eyes glued to the dream catcher hanging from my wall. The sound hits and a small smile bounces on my lips. I wait for a second before I rush up, and open the window. I look down, and he’s staring up a smile on his face, before he starts climbing. I stand back as he crawls in quietly, my heart pounding. We don’t say anything as we climb into bed together. I decide to place my head on his chest, needing his warmth around me. His arm curls and pulls me tighter to him, while he plays with the ends of my hair.  
“I was mad about Alyssa” I confess, “That’s why I didn’t let you in last night” The words springing out of my mouth before I can really think of the consequences. He doesn’t say anything, and my heart beats loudly.  
“I was mad about Andrew that’s why I did it, I thought it would help” He mumbles into my hair, my skin burns.  
“Help with what?” I asked needing to hear his answer.  
“Wishing I could be the one to hold your hand” He whispers


	4. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth comes out eventually...

We haven’t talked about what we confessed that night. It’s not like we’ve been avoiding each other either, the opposite actually, but we haven’t discussed anything. Sure remembering the words make me smile, and walking up in his arms gives me a tingle I never knew existed but things are complicated so sleeping in the same bed is enough for us. He’s come every night for the past two weeks, it’s so natural I leave the window open now and stay in bed waiting for him. His arms find me even nights when I find myself half asleep. He still reaches for me, curling me under his arm and tangling his fingers through my hair. The heat of his body around mine always lulls me to sleep, the sleepless nights seem to be a thing of the past. No one seems to notice the subtle change between JJ and I. Sarah has been giving me looks, knowing looks but she hasn’t said anything so I think its just suspicion on her part.  
“Kiara” my dad’s voice booms, making me jump slightly. I turn to him rag in hand.   
“What?” I ask, his mouth is agape and he looks worried.  
“You’ve been cleaning that table for ten minutes” He explains, hand on his hip, I look down at the sparkling table, trying not to laugh.   
“Sorry” I Smile and move on to the next one. I can feel his eyes on me, but I focus on the sticky mess I have to clean up. Tourists pile in like always, except I find the day moving quickly. I see Pope walk in as I’m taking a couple's order.  
“Just start with waters I think,” The girl says looking down at the menu   
“Perfect Ill be beaks in a couple of minutes to take your order” I smile between them. I walk off towards Pope, who’s by himself surprisingly.   
“Hey” I say, hoping he makes it quick, and my dad doesn’t see.   
“Hey, are you busy?” He asks, I look around   
“I have two minutes so hurry” I Rush him, he nods   
“We’re meeting at the chateau today,” He says, and I nod   
“I know, John B told me before I started my shift” I explain, confused   
“Is that all?” I ask, he opens his mouth, and then I hear my dad call my name, and sigh.   
“I’ll see you after work, and I'll bring fries” I assure him before rushing to grab the pitcher of water. I watch him wave and quickly rush out the front door.   
“You’re supposed to be working Kiara” Dad scolds, I grab the pitcher   
“I am” I smile sweetly, he sighs and I rush back to my table.  
…  
I hear Sarah’s laugh as I walk towards the back of the chateau. I’m carrying a box of fries, yes a box it’s easier than a bunch of baskets, and easier to disguise from my dad.   
“I have fries” I call when I come into sight, they all turn and smile.  
“Bon appetite” I smile handing the box to Sarah, she squeals and opens the box. I sit down next to JJ, who’s staring down at a piece of wood in his hands.   
“Pope, what did you need from earlier?” I ask passing the box to JJ, who looks up at Pope curious.   
“Oh,” He stutters, his face scrunching up in a weird way.”I forgot” He says quickly  
“Oh” I manage, he nods   
“I’ll tell you if I remember” He nods awkwardly, JJ gives him a weird look, and he shakes his head.   
“Okay weirdo” I laugh, he laughs lightly back.  
“So guess who invited me out tonight” Sarah says eyes wide, I shrug. “Topper” She laughs, and I notice John B stiffen.   
“Why?” I ask grabbing a handful of fries before he passed it to Pope.   
“He wants to be friends” She explains  
“That’s nice,” I say, she nods   
“I know,” She says, and I turn to John B   
“Maybe you two will be friends” I smirk, he glares making me laugh harder   
“Keep an open mind, Topper is troubled sure but he’s not a bad person” Sarah defends him  
“Sure” John B quips, she sighs  
“Ya John B, an open mind” I say, he sighs and Sarah laughs along. I turn to JJ, who’s now whittling the piece of wood in his hands.   
“You know how to Whittle” I chuckle, he looks up, his movements stilling  
“I'll have you know I’m a master whittler” He states making me chuckle   
“I guess we’ll see” I shrug, and he nods  
“I’ll show you my wood don’t worry Kie” He quips making my jaw drop  
“You are a pig” I Laugh loudly shoving him, everyone laughs   
“My whittled wood, get your mind out of the gutter Kie” He smirks making me shove him again.   
“I could cut myself” He complains   
“Then stop being annoying” I state, he sighs   
“You love me, annoying or not” He smiles, and I shake my head.   
…  
The party is at Topper’s house, and it is filled with people, rich people. Everyone is dressed the same, girl like other girls, and guys like other guys. It’s a thing the Kooks do, they dress the same. Like if anyone doesn’t wear a tube top and shorts it means they are less then. I remember my first casual dress day at the academy, I was wearing my save the turtles shirt and a pair of my favorite cut-offs. Every girl I passed looked at me like I was dirt in their fancy halls. Sarah was the only one who told me she liked my shirt. I bump into someone, knocking me backward.   
“Shit” He laughs before rushing off.   
“Why are we here?” I Ask JJ, he laughs grabbing a drink and downing it.  
“Ask Sarah” He responds his lips close to my ear. Another person knocks into me, bumping me into JJ’s side.  
“Fucking Kooks” JJ says his hands on my waist holding me steady.   
“Twenty minutes and I’m out,” I say, he nods and grabs another drink.   
“They’ve got good booze” he says, I groan and walk over to Sarah and John B.   
“Why are we here?” I ask her, John B laughs, and she exhales.   
“Just give it a try Kie, have a drink” She suggests, and I shake my head.   
“Twenty minutes” I point my finger, she nods, and I head back over to JJ to grab a drink.   
“Open mind” I tell him grabbing the drink from his hand and downing it. JJ and I start a beer pong competition, the reigning champs so far.   
“Don’t disappoint kie” He calls as I throw the ball. The ball lands with a swish in the cup, and we cheer.   
“So much for twenty minutes” Sarah comes up behind me  
“You were right, I’m having fun” I slur, and she laughs. I pull her into a tight hug, and she chuckles.   
“How drunk is she” Sarah ask JJ, and I gasp   
“I am so not drunk” I hiccup, and She laughs “Okay I’m a little tiny bit drunk” I agree, swaying slightly.   
“Kie last turn” I hear JJ say, I turn and nod grabbing the small ball from his hand. I throw it without thinking and I’m surprised when it drops into the last cup. I’m suddenly being picked up by JJ as he cheers loudly and spins us. When he puts me down, he’s smiling widely his hands still firmly on my hips.   
“I’m tired” I say, and he nods slowly.   
“We should get her home” Sarah says, and I turn too fast making my brain sway with me.  
“Yes” I nod, and she wraps her arms around me. I feel JJ wrap his arms around my waist, and I lean into him sighing.   
“I got it,” He says, and Sarah lets go of me, now I’m leaning fully into JJ, breathing in his warm scent.   
“I’m hungry” I breath, and Sarah chuckles “I want curly fries” I add, imaging a steaming place of curly fries. “Please JJ, can you get me some curly fries?” I whine looking up at him. He looks down reaching out to move some hair from my face.   
“I’ll get you some curly fries” He smiles down at me, I nod. I spot John B and Pope a couple of feet away.   
“boys” I cheer, and they give me a small smile   
“How drunk?” Pope asks JJ  
“Hey I’m here” I slur and snuggle further into JJ.   
“She’s wasted” JJ says, and I bump him with my hip.   
“I’m good,” I say, he chuckles and it vibrates through me.   
“JJ you promised me curly fries” I groan, and he nods  
“The girl wants curly fries” He says to everyone and I nod.   
…  
I wake up with a pounding headache. I keep my eyes shut, and I groan. I feel someone move beside me, and I still. JJ is still sleeping beside me, his soft snores fill the room. His arm is thrown over my waist and some of his hair falls in his face. I reach out tracing my finger lightly over his cheek. He huffs, and the piece of hair blows upwards, I hold back a giggle. He shifts just an inch, and I quickly shut my eyes. His snores stop, and I hear him yawn. I make my breath as even as possible so he doesn’t notice I’m awake. I feel him shift again, and he pulls me closer to him. His arm circled my waist, and I feel the soft pressure of his lips on the top of my head. I shiver, and snuggle deeper into him. I feel his fingers tangle in my hair, as he hums softly to himself. He’s never done this before, not while I’m awake anyway. He pulls away quickly, and I can hear him stumbling to put on his shoes. The window squeaks as he opens it, and I wait a couple minutes after I hear it shut again to open my eyes. I stare after him, the feeling of his fingers in my hair still ghosting over me. I turn over, and my head starts pounding again. I sigh getting up to grab some much-needed ibuprofen.   
…  
“You were hilarious last night” Sarah laughs as we sit in the sand watching as the boys surf. I would be surfing too if it wasn’t for the hangover.   
“Don't get me started” I groan, and she laughs   
“Hey, you had fun” She shrugs, I nod. “So..” She starts, and I turn to her.  
“What?” I ask, she smirks   
“You seemed pretty close to JJ last night” She expresses  
“I was drunk, I’m sure I was close with everyone” I laugh, hoping she doesn’t notice my blush.   
“Ya except I noticed you two kind of had a moment” She utters, and I turn shocked   
“What moment?” I ask, she leans closer to me   
“The curly fry thing” She informs  
“I just wanted curly fries” I defend, but she doesn’t look convinced   
“Kie, you guys just looked like maybe… I don’t know you both liked each other” She clarifies. The truth is I wanted to tell her about JJ and I sleeping in the same bed, I really wanted to tell her.   
“You can trust me Kie” She adds, and I turn to her. She looks sincere, her eyes soft.   
“You can’t tell anyone” I explain, my voice low.   
“Of course not” She nods moving closer to me.   
“Okay, JJ and I have been sleeping in the same bed” I blurt and the words sound weird once I say them out loud.   
“What?” sHe asks, shock evident on her face. So I explain what happened that first night, and how it’s been happening ever since. I even tell her about my feelings for him, since I’m confessing everything else. She doesn’t say anything, just stares at me with bright eyes.  
“You can judge now” I nod at her.   
“I think it… I think it makes sense” She conclude, now It’s my turn to be shocked   
“You think JJ and I make sense?” I ask, she nods   
“I’ve told you before Kie” She says, I nod “So what’s the problem?” She asks, I laugh a bitter burst.   
“Well first off I don’t even know if he wants me like that, it could be a comfort thing for him. Second Pope and John B. We do have a rule about this” I express, she sighs loudly and rolls her eyes.   
“Kie, first off, you are oblivious if you don’t think he likes you back second, it’s your life.” She points out a matter of fact.   
“It’s not ever that simple” I say my voice tight, she pulls me into a hug then.   
“Do what makes you happy Kie” She whispers.   
“Thank you” I say hugging her back tighter.   
“If it makes you feel better I think you guys would be so cute” She winks making me giggle. I turn towards the water, noticing the boys are now sitting on their boards laughing loudly. JJ turns then like he knows I’m watching, the sun is in his eyes, but he’s smiling.   
…  
I’m pacing my room, Sarah’s words from earlier replaying in my head. Was she right, would it work? I try to imagine us telling John B and Pope, but every scene ends up with some weirdness or anger. I hear the sound of the window, and I quickly turn, just as JJ crawls in.   
“Hey” He smiles probably confused as to why I’m not in bed. “Hey” I responded looking down at the floorboards.   
“What’s wrong?” He asks. I move to sit on the trunk at the end of my bed.   
“Honestly I’m confused” I say, playing with one of my bracelets. He sits beside me, his thigh against mine.  
“About?” He prods gently. I groan at myself and turn to him, his eyes are impossibly soft, making this so much harder.   
“Stop looking at me like that!” I exclaim standing, he looks confused.   
“What do you mean?” He asks, and I sigh  
“Stop looking at me with those stupidly cute eyes! It’s irritating okay” my voice hard, he stands now. “I can’t think when you look at me like that, so stop so I can think.. okay!” I exclaim.   
“We’re friends that’s all we can be and you looking at me like that makes it hard to remember” I explain, my voice quiet. Silence booms between us, my rapid breathing fills the room. He steps closer and I can feel the goosebumps break out on my skin. I close my eyes in hopes that it calms my hammering heartbeat.   
“If I have to stop looking at you like that then you can’t give me that smile” he mumbles quietly. My eyes shoot open, confusion bursting on my face.   
“What?” I ask, he takes another step closer. “You can’t smile at me like that anymore because when you smile like that at me, I’m not thinking friendly thoughts” His voice drops low, and my stomach coils tightly. His hands move to grip my hips lightly. The feeling of his fingers gripping my exposed skin makes me dizzy. He leans his forehead against mine, his breath fanning against my face.  
“We can’t” I state lamely as his lips hover above mine.   
“I know” He responds, the heat from his words touching my lips. I reach for him, my thumb brushing against his lower lip.   
“Why is this so hard?” He asks, and I sigh. We’re so close I can smell the beer laced with peppermint on his breath. It’s a combination I never expected to like so much. He squeezes my hip as if restraining himself from moving even a millimeter closer. I shift just slightly, so that now our noses are touching too. I want him to make the move, so much so, my heart burns in my chest. I tell myself another second, and I’ll move back, the moment will be over and we’d have done the right thing. The thing that benefits all us Pogues. I’m stepping back when his hand moves to the back of my neck, and his lips crash against mine. I’m so shocked I don’t move, my lips were frozen against his. When I sense him about to pull away I shake myself out of the shock, and kiss him back. His lips dance against mine, making my brain fog deliciously. His tongue is against mine as the kiss deepens and becomes more heated. His hands tangle in my hair, and I grip his shoulders pulling him flush against me. I want his body closer, I want to explore every part of him. We break apart, both of our breaths rapid and uneven. My lips tingle, and I can still feel his soft lips against mine. I open my eyes slowly, savoring the moment. His eyes are half-open and darker than usual. I can see the swirl of lust in them it makes my stomach coil tightly again.   
“What now?” I ask just before he pulls me into another welcomed kiss.


	5. There's A First Time For Everything

The smile on his face burst, as he begins laughing. The laugh is unrestrained, and bubbles around me, making me smile along. He leans his head back like the laughter is too much to handle, like it's bursting out of him. He claps his hands together, before bringing them down to clutch the chair he’s on. The muscles in his arms ripple, and my mouth goes dry at the sight. He shakes his head, his shark tooth necklace shaking with him. To say he was distracting was an understatement, I couldn’t look away from him. My lips throb as the memory of the kiss rushes over me. I lean my head back against the tree, as he moves his hands wildly explaining something to Pope. We spent that whole night kissing, and touching, it was sort of out of my control. My hormones took over, and I couldn’t be angry. Not when I’ve been wanting it for so long. There was a moment before he left, when he just looked at me with unbearably soft eyes. In that moment I felt completely seen, for the first time in my life. He lent down laying a small, soft kiss to my lips, the kind that makes you want to burst from your seams. I was so happy, It was the kind of happy that would be annoying if you were on the outside. He rushed back and kissed me again, before finally leaving out the window. So we didn't do much talking and now I’m staring at him like some stupid love-struck puppy. I would feel completely pathetic if he didn't look over at me with that breathtaking smirk and give me a once over. Honestly I’m waiting for the opportunity to get him alone, to ask him what the fuck this all means. I’m scared of it meaning nothing, it’s one thing to fantasize about it, but I’ve had it now. I sigh bumping my head back into the tree, which makes me groan loudly.   
“Trying to give yourself a concussion?” Sarah laughs, her eyes sparkly.   
“Maybe” I say, she laughs sitting down next to me. I haven’t told her about the kiss, the many kisses. I think I want to wait until I know what they mean. It’s hard!   
“So have you decided?” She asks. I pick up a leaf from the ground, running my finger along the seams.   
“About?” I ask, feeling my cheeks heat.   
“JJ” She states simply, I sigh sneaking a look his way, he’s still laughing with Pope.   
“It’s complicated” I recite looking back down at the leaf.   
“Just do it” She urges bumping me with her shoulder. I know she’s right, if I want answers I have to ask, so I stand.   
“Now?” She mutters   
“Ya, I just need a reason to talk to him” I explain rubbing my clammy hands on my shorts, she stands too.   
“Hey JJ would you take Kie to get some food, my treat?” She yells quickly, making my heart beat loudly.   
“Really?” I whisper, she smiles. JJ nods and stands.   
“I could eat” He nods again, his eyes on me. God give me strength!   
…  
“We should probably talk” He says once we get into the van. Sarah had to convince Pope not to come, she made some weird excuse that involved Pope's college plans.   
“I agree” I nod awkwardly   
“Is that was this was” He laughs, I Nod “So Sarah knows?” He asks starting the car.   
“She knows some of it, not what happened last night” I say pulling at the loose thread coming from my shirt. No one says anything for a couple of minutes, the only sound coming from the radio.   
“What did happen last night?” He finally asks, his tone strangely monotone. I turn to him, and he’s staring straight ahead at the road.   
“You tell me” I say, he turns to me quickly, his face confused.  
“What do you want me to say?” He asks, and I huff  
“I want you to say what you want to say JJ, if it was just one night tell me now okay” I exclaim, my tone sharp. I can feel the fear bubbling inside of me. “Just be honest” I add, when he doesn’t say anything, he sighs while running a hand through his hair.   
“Do you really not get it?” He asks, and now I’m really confused  
“Get what?” I stammer   
“Geez Kie for someone who’s really smart, you can be really dumb,” He says, and my eyes widen   
“Excuse me!” I retort, and I can feel the blood in my veins moving faster.   
“I like you Kie, like really like you, I don’t see how you can’t see that” he explains, and I just stare at him, the words sinking in. He pulls into the parking lot and shuts off the car. He takes off his seatbelt before turning to fully face me.  
“Last night wasn’t one night, or at least I’m hoping. I know.. I know that I can be a lot, and I don’t deserve you but I want this, I’ve wanted this for a while. So I’m asking you do you really want this cause right now is your out, no weirdness” he leans forward, his elbows on his knees.  
“How long have you wanted this for?” I ask, he bites down on his lower lip.   
“Since you got boobs” He laughs, and I can’t help the bubble of laughter that springs out. “I’m kidding… since we were thirteen I guess” He mumbles, his cheeks pink.   
“Thirteen?” I mumble shocked   
“Yes thirteen, after you made all three of us friendship bracelets” He smiles, “You said that this made us family, and that no matter what it was us versus everyone else” He states, his voice sounding far away. I remember the bracelets, it was after I learned how to braid them, also after I saw the first bruise on JJ’s face. He told us it was from falling off his bike, but I remember he took one of his dad’s wrenches so we could fix Pope's bike, and we lost it. He was so.. scared, I remember thinking I’d never seen him so scared before. The next day he had a dark bruise on his chin, that made my blood boil. He was adamant that it was from his bike, and we felt too bad to fight it. I wanted to make the bracelets to show him he had a family, we were his family. I take his face in my hands, running my thumb across his jaw, he looks down clearly embarrassed.   
“I want this, I’ve wanted this” I whisper, he looks up, his eyes wide. “I’ve wanted you for probably longer than I realized JJ. So yes I want this” I smile “And” He cuts me off with his lips, making me giggle. I card my fingers through his hair moaning as he deepens the kiss. I can feel his heart pounding under my fingertips, it makes me blush wildly. When we break apart, I lean my head against his, his hand moves up and down my arm sending goosebumps across my skin.   
“What do we do about everyone else?” I ask, pulling away from him.   
“Honestly I don’t know?” He states running his hand through his hair. He bites down on his lower lip, and leans his head back against the window.   
“Maybe we should just keep this between us” I suggest, his eyes lock on mine. “For now, until we fully figure things out?” I add, he licks his lips looking over at the back of the van.   
“So keep us a secret?” He asks, I shrug.   
“Yes, for now,” I nod  
“Ya, I think that’s best” He nods cracking his knuckles. “It’s gonna be hard” He says, his eyes roaming over me, making me shiver.   
“Shut up” I blush making him chuckle.   
“Come on let's get some food” I open the car door and hop out.   
…  
“So?” Sarah beams pulling me aside as soon as we get back. I stare wide-eyed, I don’t know if I should tell her.   
“You can’t tell anyone, not even John B” I order, she nods vigorously. I take a quick peek at JJ who’s passing out the food, while saying something that John B laughs loudly at.   
“You first have to know we kissed yesterday” I explain, bug-eyed, her jaw drops. “I know, I just wanted to figure out what it meant before telling you” I explain, she nods  
“Details?” She squeals.   
“It was a really good kiss” I blush and she squeals again, making me laugh   
“Shhh” I scold because now the boys are looking at us.   
“There was a bee” Sarah explains, making me chuckle, they still look confused.   
“So what happened today?” She asks“He told me he liked me, and he wanted to try this out” I clarify, she nods. “He said he’s liked me since we were thirteen” I whisper the butterflies swarming in my stomach.   
“I told you” She cheers, I nod.   
“I know, and I was so surprised, I told him I wanted this too and then we kissed” I explain  
“I’m so happy right now” Sarah yelps, clapping her hands together. “So are you guys dating or?” She questions  
“We’ve decided to try things out, but we need to keep it a secret for now,” I say, she nods “So please you can’t tell John B” I plead  
“I won’t, honestly it’s not my place, you Pogues have your thing. I do think its stupid but..” She expresses  
“I think they’ll just take it as something weird especially if it doesn’t work out, so it’s better for us to figure it out first” I defend  
“I know, and I think that’s a good thing especially because you won’t have their input to derail you, I know you’d put their feelings first” She squeezes my hand, and smiles lightly.   
“Thank you, I really appreciate you being here. It’s nice to finally have a girlfriend” I grin  
“Awhhh” She coos pulling me into a very tight hug.   
“Lots more hugs too” I laugh, and she beams.   
…  
“We should go on a date” JJ says as he breaks away from our kiss. I sit up, my hands on his chest. I found myself straddling him.   
“A date?” I laugh, he nods shifting under me. We were just kissing, but I found myself getting lost in him, so I’m grateful for the change in topic. “Are you asking me out?” I grin, he chuckles, his hands gripping my thighs.   
“Well if we want more than just this” He points between us “ Then I need to take you on a real date” He clarifies, I nod.   
“Okay, yes I’d love to go on a date with you” I smile, and lean down to peck his lips lightly. His hand moves up to my waist, as he leans up to kiss me again.   
“So tomorrow then, around six” He asks. I feel giddiness float through me.   
“Let me check my schedule” I joke “Oh looks like I’m free” I add, he chuckles and it vibrates through me.   
…  
I check my reflection for the third time in a row. JJ said he’s going to pick me up in an hour, he asked John B to borrow the van, I’m not sure what he told him, honestly I’m too nervous right now to think about it. Sarah is here helping me get ready and talking me down. I’ve gone through my whole closet, but everything I try on doesn’t feel right. I sigh and plop down beside her, she’s smiling.   
“Shut up” I exclaim, she chuckles   
“You’re just nervous” She explains, and I groan   
“I’ve known JJ since we were six, I have no reason to be nervous” I point out, she chuckles again   
“it’s different, and it’s normal to feel nervous” She expresses, I nod rubbing my hands on my thighs.   
“What the fuck do I wear?” I ask, she stands and begins shuffling through the pile of my clothes on the floor.   
“Can I be honest?” She asks, I nod. “Wear what you want, trust me he won’t care” She shrugs, and that makes me feel better.   
“He’s seen you in pretty much everything so” She adds, and I nod again. I decide to wear my favorite cut-offs and my knitted crop, finally. I look at myself in the mirror, my nerves spiking again.   
“You’ll feel better once he’s here” Sarah assures me, I nod.   
“Don’t worry about John B, I’ll keep him distracted” She smirks, and I laugh loudly.   
“I’m sure you will” I quip, she shrugs and smirks. I hear a car pull up, and my stomach drops.   
“It’s fine” She says again, taking my hand. JJ knocks at the door, and I rush downstairs, My mom and dad are at the restaurant tonight so no one is home. When I open the door, JJ stands there, nervously shifting from foot to foot. The nerves I’ve been dealing with all day disappear when I see him so nervous.   
“Hey” I smile, his eyes drift over me.   
“Hi” He smiles back “You look amazing” He adds  
“Thank you” I turn back and Sarah winks at me urging me on. I shut the door, and we walk to the car.   
“What did you tell John B you needed the car for?” I ask once we hop into the van. He chuckles to himself, a blush forming on his face. “What?” I ask  
“I told him I had a date, with a girl from out of town” He explains.   
“Sarah said she’d keep him occupied so he won’t wander much” I nod, he nods back a small grin blooming on his face. “So where are we going?” I ask, shifting in my seat.   
“Kind of a surprise” He smiles  
“A surprise?” I ask “I know the whole town, it’s small” I laugh   
“You’ll see” He shrugs.   
“Fine, I’ll let you surprise me” I agree, he chuckles.   
“Only you Kie would take control of a surprise” He smirks, I shove him  
“I’m driving” He fake groans making me laugh. We start down the road close to Pope's house, and turn into the smaller path down into the wooded area.   
“Should I be scared?” I ask, he smirks   
“Maybe” He remarks, he pulls off into a small area, and shuts off the engine. I hop out of the car, as JJ leans back and grabs a basket. I meet him around the other side, and he smiles before grabbing my hand. He intertwines our fingers and leads me down another path.   
“Have I been here before?” I Ask not recognizing the area.   
“Not that I know of, this is actually my hideaway” He explains, I pull his hand against my chest as he maneuvers me around a rock.   
“Hideaway?” I ask, and we stop. He places the basket down, and pulls to a small blanket.   
“I come here a lot when I… need space” He questions, and I nod.   
“For the view?” I ask, mesmerized by the soft sun shining brightly over the water and between the wide trees.   
“Ya” he Smiles sitting down, I follow.   
“It’s really pretty here” I say leaning back on my hands, as he pulls out various items from the basket.   
“You planned a picnic” I mock smirking, he sighs. “I was expecting a dinner, somewhere” I admit  
“I thought you’d like something low-key, compared to a fancy dinner, but if you prefer for next time” He stammers clearing not getting my joking tone   
“No, I like this…” I say quickly “A lot, it’s way better than some stuffy restaurant” I add  
“Good, cause I have no idea what to wear to a fancy restaurant” He quips, making me laugh.  
“Neither do I” I agree, he hands me a Bolthouse farms mango drink, one of my favorites.   
“I didn’t know between the pomegranate and mango, so I got both” He explains when he sees my confused face. “Or are you over both cause I have other options” He quickly adds, his face filled with worry.   
“No, the mango’s good, thank you” I assure him calmly even though I’m cheering inside. I didn’t know he noticed the different drinks I got from the guys.   
“Ya, no problem” he blushes, and it sends a shiver down my spine. He pulls out some of my favorite snacks, making me smile wider. “Can I ask you something?” I ask, he looks up from the basket.   
“Sure” He grins   
“Why don’t you act like this all of the time?” I ask, he bites his lip and looks back down in the basket. “I mean why don’t you let anyone see how sweet you are?” I clarify, he leans back slightly before running his hand down his face.   
“I don’t know, I’m not always this sweet” He shrugs “It’s our first date, I’m just being overly sweet because” He shrugs “Don't worry I’ll be back to my usual snarky self” He nods, and I feel like he suddenly got defensive.   
“I don’t think you’re usually a dick, I think you’re always this nice, I just mean why don’t you accept that you’re actually good” I explain, his eyes widen slightly.   
“I’m really not that good” He whispers, his voice cracking. I place my juice down, and I shift so that our knees are touching.   
“You’re good!” I say holding his hand, and squeezing it lightly.   
“What if..” He stutters, his eyes glued to mine “What if I’m not as good as you think?” He finishes. I can see the worry behind his eyes, the fear that he’ll fuck up.   
“No one is completely good JJ, as long as you’re honest and open with me we’ll be fine” I express, moving my hand to caress his cheek.   
“So you want me to be completely honest?” He asks smirking   
“Yes” I say worried, he chuckles, his hand moving to my thigh   
“I really want to see you naked?” He laughs, and I shove him back making him laugh harder.   
“You’re annoying, and gross” I state sitting back down on the other side of the blanket, crossing my arms over my chest.   
“I’m kidding” He defends, “Sort of, just a little” He adds. I keep my face straight, even though I really wanted to laugh along. I knew he was joking, changing the subject to something less intense.   
“Shut up, and pass me some watermelon” I demand holding out my hand, he nods and hands me the slice of watermelon, a small smile still on his face.


	6. Exclusive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is appreciated! I hope you guys like the chapter, and if you want to see anything happen specifically leave a comment!! ❤️❤️

“I don’t know if we’re exclusive” I explain “And I hate that I even have to wonder or ask!” I add, watching as Pope, John B, and JJ grab drinks from the keg.   
“You could ask him Kie” Sarah points out, making me groan and shove my head between my knees   
“I want him to tell me, I mean we have been on like six dates, and he kisses me everyday” I exclaim, she nods “You would think he’d want to have the conversation, but it’s like he doesn’t even care about it,” I tell her, she nods again, and I groan again.   
“Tell me what you think” I grumble, she looks over at the group of boys, her head tilted slightly.   
“I think he likes you and maybe he’s just waiting for you to say something?” She suggests, and I nod.   
“Well I’m not going to say anything, no!” I state “He has to do this, it’ll show me he actually cares” I nod to myself  
“Kie” She laughs  
“Shh, they’re coming” I nod my head towards them, she turns to face them.   
“Guess who we just talked to,” Pope says handing me my drink  
“Who?” I ask  
“Andrew” Pope smirks   
“Andrew, okay” I sigh  
“He asked about you” JJ says, I turn to him, trying not to smile at his obvious distress.   
“What did he say?” I ask   
“He asked if you were seeing anyone, and how you’ve been” John B steps in, I turn to him. He’s resting his head in Sarah’s lap, and playing with a string from her shorts.   
“We told you him that you still wanted him” Pope laughs, I glare  
“Funny” I quip, he bows his head, making me smile  
“What did you tell him?” JJ asks, and I turn back to him.   
“About?” I ask   
“Why you didn't want to be with him, he seems to think it’s timing” He responds, his tone firm.   
“I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship” I retort, annoyed at his jealously.   
“Well he’s waiting for you” Pope laughs  
“He is not” I snort, he nods   
“He likes you” John B adds   
“Guys we went on one date!” I declare, John B chuckles   
“I guess you’re cooler than we thought” John B says, laughing harder at himself. I chuck the stick I was holding at him, he groans when it smacks him in the head.   
“He likes violent” He remarks, still smiling.   
“Shut up, all of you” I command, bringing my knees to my chest.   
“Sarah” All of us look up to find Topper, and Rafe standing a couple feet away.   
“Top” Sarah smiles, but I can see John B stiffen   
“How have you been?” Topper asks, moving so he’s now beside her. John B stares off towards the water, while Rafe looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.   
“I’m good, you?” She asks, her tone light, Topper shoves his hands in his pockets.   
“I’m good, maybe we could hang out sometimes” He smiles down at her “As friends” He adds after, she nods.   
“Sure, I’ll text you” She agrees, his smile widens immensely.   
“Well see you around” He nods, his eyes scanning over all of us. Rafe is staring between Pope and JJ, a disgusted look on his face.   
“Make sure to use protection” JJ screams after them, Pope laughs along.   
“Do you have to?” Sarah asks, pushing some hair behind her ear.   
“I do actually” JJ nods, she shakes her head but drops the subject.   
“So you and Topper are really friends?” I ask, she turns to me, her fingers digging into the sand beside her leg.   
“We’re trying to be” She explains.   
“Is it weird?” I ask, She shrugs.  
“I for one hate your brother” JJ adds in, She sighs   
“Ya I can tell” Sarah nods, he shrugs   
“Sorry, but he’s honestly the worst” Pope agrees, giving JJ a secret look, he responds with wide eyes. Almost like he’s saying cool it.   
“What is your beef with my brother?” Sarah ask  
“He’s an ass, that’s the beef” JJ responds calmly.   
“Can we change the subject” John B sits up, moving away from Sarah, who looks at the space between them.   
“Actually I have some news” Pope smirks “Someone cornered me at work, her name starts with an A” Pope laughs shoving JJ, who scratches the back of his neck while looking down at the sand.   
“You and Alyssa are still a thing?” John B asks smirking “Wait is she the girl from out of town you went out with?” He questions, his face curious   
“You went out with an out of town girl and didn’t tell me?” Pope exclaims, JJ shrugs while giving me a small look.   
“It wasn’t Alyssa” JJ finally says  
“Then who?” Pope asks  
“No one, can we drop it” JJ snaps, his cheeks pink  
“Wait you like this girl, otherwise you wouldn’t be getting this mad” Pope chuckles patting his shoulder. I try not to smile at the observation, instead I play with the zipper on my jacket.   
“I’m not mad, and it was no one” He tells Pope, his tone hard.   
“Fine” Pope concedes. I look over at Sarah who’s giving me wide eyes, and holding back a smile.  
“Dude do you think you could put in a good word at the marina, I need a job” JJ changes the subject.   
“Ya, they’re looking for extra crew right now” John B nods, JJ looks relieved, some of the tension in his posture releases. “Come by tomorrow” John B adds, JJ nods.   
“Aren’t you working at Heywards?” John B asks, looking at Pope  
“I need more hours, so a second job it is” JJ explains, the tinge in my stomach makes me look away from him. I knew he was doing it to put food on the table, and to pay the bills. Anger boils inside of me at the image of JJ working two jobs while his dad sits on his drunk ass. I clutch the bottom of my jacket tightly, and try to push the anger out of me. A vivid memory of a fourteen-year-old JJ looking through the newspaper for a job burns in my head. I remember being angry then, when he told me he wanted to help out. He insisted it was just for some extra spending money, but I overheard my dad telling my mom that Luke Maybank lost his job at the junkyard because he came to work high and drunk. I wanted to confront JJ, but John B convinced me not to, he said it would only drive him away. I never brought it up, but I did try, discreetly, to bring food and water whenever we hung out. I said it was for everyone but I always brought extra, just in case.  
“Kie” I hear JJ call, it breaks me from my angry trance. I turn to him, and now he’s standing above me hand out.   
“What?” I ask   
“Want to come get drinks with me?” He asks, as I take his outstretched hand.   
“Sure” I nod, he smiles. The walk is quiet, and I can still feel the rage from earlier, I just don’t know how to bring it up.  
“So a second job?” I ask, he sighs “I just feel like you’re already always working” I express  
“I need the extra money Kie” He explains, I nod  
“I know” I respond, he stops walking and takes my hand.   
“I know you’re worried I can tell by that crease between your eyebrows, but you don’t have to be, I’m saving for myself,” He says  
“You're saving?” I ask a bit skeptical.  
“Yes, for my own place,” JJ says   
“But you’re only sixteen” I state worried   
“For after school, it’s so I can leave as soon as schools over” He rubs his thumb across my knuckles. “That’s a really good idea” I nod, he chuckles and we start walking again.   
“Thanks, I do have good ideas…. Sometimes” he quips  
“Rarely” I muse, he chuckles   
“Hey, you’re my girlfriend now you can’t mock me,” He says it so normally I stop in my tracks. He turns as if just now noticing that I stopped, and walks back a couple steps.   
“What?” He asks, I groan   
“You can’t just call me your girlfriend” I state annoyed  
“So you don’t want to be my girlfriend?” He asks  
“No I do, but the point is you just said it you didn’t even talk to me” I explain hands now on my hips, now he really looks confused.   
“Kie” He huffs, running his fingers through his hair.   
“It’s important” I exclaim, his face quickly morphs into amusement.   
“You want me to ask you to be my girlfriend?” He states, I push past him, continuing to walk towards the drinks.   
“I wanted to have a conversation about us yes” I stammer, holding my head high. He runs to catch up to me, that stupid half-smile still on his face. “Shut up” I shove him  
“I didn’t say anything” He grins wider, so I stop again. His face turns hard as he concentrates on not bumping directly into me, I’d laugh if I wasn’t so…. Annoyed I guess the word would be.   
“I don’t get why you’re so annoyed” He tells me, the amusement off his face.   
“I…:” I rack my brain for a logical answer, but honestly I don’t know why I’m so annoyed at him. I wanted him to tell me we were exclusive, and he did.  
“Kie, did you really want me to ask you to be my girlfriend because if you did I’m sorry” He says, his tone sincere.   
“No, honestly I’m glad you didn’t make a big thing of it” I admit  
“So?” He asks, and I shrug   
“I think I was just so wrapped up in the talk, that when you said it..” I start suddenly feeling very embarrassed “I was mad that it was so easy for you and I know that’s stupid so don’t” I post out fiercely, he nods.   
“I’m jealous that you can just do things without thinking so much” I finally admit. He lets out a loud buoyant laugh, and I huff about to walk away.   
“No, Kie come on” He grabs my hand pulling me flush against him, which disorients me for a second.“I’m laughing because you think this was easy for me” He explains, his fingers moving slowly around my waist “I was terrified of asking you to be my girlfriend so I just said it like it was nothing,” He says “Kind of a trick on my own brain” He adds smirking, a smile pops onto my face.   
“Okay” I nod, he squeezes my hip as reassurance. We do it when we want to kiss, but people are around, lots of fucking people.   
“So you’re jealous of my not thinking things through?” He asks as we start walking again  
“I’m jealous that you just go for things” I interpret “Sometimes, sometimes I really think you’re just being an idiot” I add, making him chuckle lowly, the kind of chuckle that vibrates through me, and leaves me breathless. JJ fills the drinks before handing them to me, I take the time to look around at the tons of teenagers getting wasted. I spot a girl a couple of feet away, she’s swaying so much I’m surprised she’s still standing. I spot Rafe next, he sidles up next to her, whispering something to her. My skin crawls as he wraps his hand around her waist. The girl looks up at him, a confused look on her face. I notice her fingers move to grip his hand, and it looks like she’s trying to pry him away. My heart starts beating loudly in my chest, as I notice her movements become frantic. I drop the cups in my hands and rush over, the adrenalin kicking in.   
“Let her go” I scream, Rafe turns both of them around, a wicked smirk on his face.   
“Kie” He says, his tone sickly sweet it makes me shiver.   
“Let her go Rafe” I say moving my eyes to the half-asleep girl, who looks completely disoriented.   
“This is Amanda, don’t worry I’ll get her home safe” Rafe snips, his tone frivolous.   
“Let her go” I repeat, reaching out to the girl, who moans. Rafe moves pulling her closer to him.   
“I’m appalled at your lack of manners Kie” He ticks, licking his lips. The whole situation makes a wave of nausea pass over me, but I keep a straight face.   
“You're disgusting, what no sober girl can stand you” I spit. His face morphs quickly into anger, and then a wide smile bursts onto his face.  
“Are you jealous Kie, want me for yourself?” Rafe steps towards me, and I can smell the sweat on him.   
“Not even in your wettest” I spit back, he glares, but keeps a tight hold on the now asleep girl.   
“You think I’d want a dirty Pogue like you” He laughs, I’m about to respond, maybe laugh in his face.   
“Watch your mouth Rafe” I hear behind me, I turn, and JJ stands directly beside me.   
“Or what?” Rafe laughs, JJ takes a small step forward, his face stone cold.   
“Or I’ll wipe that prepubescent face, off” JJ says, voice gruff. Rafe falters for a second, his face confused. He finally lets go of the girl, who falls like an anchor to the ground. I rush forward, to catch her as Rafe lets his fist fly, trying to punch JJ. JJ is prepared, and ducks, Rafe only nips the bottom of his chin. JJ runs forward, tackling Rafe to the ground. Rafe cries out in agony as he hits the ground. I’m holding the passed out girl, while JJ slams Rafe’s face, and Rafe reaches up wrapping his arms around JJ’s neck. Rafe’s face turns upward in an awkward angle, as a crunching noise echos loudly.   
“JJ stop” I command as he goes in again, his fist freezes in mid-air, like my voice has stopped his motions. He’s breathing hard, his hair in his face, while Rafe groans on the floor.   
“Don’t touch her again Rafe, don’t go near her” JJ demands, Rafe coughs, but a wide smile grows on his face.   
“Watch me” Rafe smirks, and a shiver runs down my spine. JJ strikes again, the grin flying off his face. Finally the girl’s friends make their way over, looks of horror on their faces.   
“Take her” I demand angrily, transferring the girl in their arms. I rush over to JJ, who’s holding Rafe down, a look of pure rage on his face. Rafe, twists to spin them around, but JJ is holding his ground. I notice a long scratch on JJ’s face, blood dripping down to his jaw,   
“JJ” I call out, he turns, his eyes bloodshot. “Let go” I insist extending my hand to him, he breathes hard, his eyes darting over me. He lets go, and falls back, like the strength of holding Rafe down has exhausted him. I grip his shoulders, pulling him upwards and into my arms. Rafe is laughing maniacally on the ground, blood dripping from his mouth.   
“You better watch yourself Pogue” Rafe spits, blood spurting everywhere. “I’m going to kill you” He screams, but he doesn’t make a move to get up  
“I look forward to it” JJ snarks, his tone ice cold. I take his hand, and pull him away. Through the crowd of people who showed up once JJ tackled Rafe to the ground. I push past them, trying to get JJ alone so I can look at his face. Finally, I pass the crowd, my heart is beating wildly as I stop walking and grab JJ’s face in my hands.   
“What the fuck?” I ask, my eyes roaming over hi,. The scratch that’s bleeding is big, like a piece of metal tugged at his skin. “Jesus” I mumble touching around the cut, he grimaces, and I pull back.   
“What were you thinking?” I huff, angry tears springing to my eyes.  
“I’m okay” He promises, although he winces again.   
“What the fuck did he get you with?” I ask noticing the dirt caked in his cut, he smiles and winces again.  
“He fucken used a bottle cap,” JJ says, amusement in his voice   
“It’s not funny, it could get infected” I stammer, but he laughs anyway, making me laugh.   
“A bottle cap?” I ask, he nods, his smile dimming slightly. He reaches for my cheek. His thumb brushing against my lower lip.   
“I’m sorry you were scared” He says, his tone soft. “I didn’t mean to scare you” He adds, remorse in his voice.   
“You didn’t scare me, I was scared for you” I clarify taking his hand in mine. He’s about to say something when I hear Pope’s voice, I quickly step away from him, and turn to the voice. Pope, John B, and Sarah are rushing towards us.  
“What the fuck happened?” Pope asks out of breath. I look over at JJ and we both start laughing, they all look confused.   
“It was Rafe,” I say between fits of laughter, Pope’s confusion turns to anger quickly.   
“What did he do?” Pope asks, his eyes on JJ, who shook his head slightly   
“He was with a girl, a really drunk girl who he wouldn’t let leave” I insert, all of their eyes bulge slightly.   
“He wouldn’t listen to me so JJ got involved and then” I point to his face, and he chuckles   
“You should see the other guy” JJ laughs  
“I wouldn’t usually agree, but he’s right” I nod, and Pope laughs pulling JJ into a side hug.   
“My man,” Pope says, making us all laugh   
“I didn’t know you liked me like that Pope” JJ coos, holing his face, Pope gives him googly eyes, and JJ burst out laughing.  
“Let’s go man” Pope says as we all start walking back to our spot. I freeze, breathing in a sigh of relief. I turn back to the water, my stomach coiling tightly. I feel the tears sting my eyes, as worry laces my veins.   
“You okay?” I hear Sarah asks from behind me  
“Fine just…” I don’t even know how to finish that statement, She wraps her arms around me.  
“Come on” she urges her chin on my shoulder.   
“I need a drink” I sigh, she chuckles linking my arm with hers.   
“The girl needs a drink” Sarah calls to the boys. JJ is wiping at his face, wincing slightly. I rip at the bottom of my tank top, making it a cropped tank top. John B gives me a weird look.   
“I crop everything anyway” I shrug moving to sit beside JJ. Sarah passes me her hand sanitizer.   
“Single-use plastic really?” I scold, she glares. “Never mind” I shake my head turning back to JJ, who’s smiling widely.   
“They’re refillable” Sarah defends making me chuckle too. I douse the material in hand sanitizer and place it gently on his face. He hisses, and moves his head back.   
“You can’t move” I scold grabbing the back of his neck to steady him. He groans again, but keeps still as I wipe the sand from his cut.   
“Nurse Kie” Pope laughs  
“I don’t know if I can bath myself Kie, would you give me a sponge bath?” JJ asks.   
“Ha, ha” I mock, making everyone laugh. “You wish” I mumble blowing softly before I place the bandage on him.   
“Well” He smirks, and my skin burns.   
“Okay, you’re gonna have to put more Neosporin on in the morning” I tell him. He nods, but I know him and I know he won’t. “I’m serious” I glare.   
“Okay” He relents, his hands up. I hand Sarah her hand sanitizer, and shove my bandages and Neosporin back in my bag.   
“Now I need a drink” I huff, and Pope cheers loudly making us all laugh.


	7. Fog

My brain is foggy, and disoriented as JJ flips me onto the bed, his lips latching onto my neck. My breath quickens as he sucks slowly, making a cloud of ecstasy float over me. I pull his face up to mine crashing our lips together. The kiss is intense, and heat filled. The kind of kiss that makes you lose all sense. I flip us, so now I’m straddling him our lips still attached. It’s been this and only this the past couple of days. I can’t seem to get enough of him. Everything he does leads us here, in this very position. His scent fills my nose, and I feel like I’m falling, unable to stand up. His skin is soft and rough against mine, a feeling I hadn’t known I needed until him. I pull away, breathing hard. I pull my hair over my shoulder taking a deep breath. JJ’s lips are pink and swollen, as he looks up at me with lust-filled eyes. I bite down on my lip, relishing in the groan he lets out. His hands grip my waist as he leans up to capture my lips again.   
“We should” But I forgot what I was going to say when he trails down my neck. I grip the bedsheets, as his lips linger on the column of my neck.   
“We should stop” He mutters against my skin, and the disappointment is deafening. I sit up, my skin still tingling. He’s breathing hard again, and he shifts so he’s sitting up now.   
“We should” I nod, even though I really don’t want to stop. I want to rip off his clothes, but I shake the enthralling thought away,.   
“I know” He smiles kindly, running his hands up and down my arms. I take his face in my hands and peck his lips, pulling away before I get sucked back in.   
“I have to go anyway” He says, and I frown. He gently moves me off him, fixing his now tighter shorts.   
“Where?” I ask trying to ignore the tingle it gave me.   
“I have to help my dad” He explains, and the tingle is gone.   
“With?” I ask, hopefully it sounds light.   
“His car” He looks at me fully now. The cut on his cheek is still pink and irritated. A harsh contrast against his light skin.  
“Oh, okay” I smile, scooting to the end of the bed. He smiles down at me, his hands resting on my thighs as he ducks down to catch my lips in a soft kiss.   
“I’ll see you later then?” He says, I nod. I watch as he crawls out the window, a wide smile stuck on my face. I plop back down on my bed, sighing loudly to myself. I can still feel his lips against mine, and it makes me shiver. I stand quickly before my thoughts begin to spiral.   
…  
“How did you know you wanted to have sex with Sarah?” I ask John B as we lounge on his dock, waiting for JJ and Pope to finish work and meet us.   
“What?” He stammers sitting up on his elbows. The sun is in his eye so he’s squinting at me, a look of horror on his face.   
“What?” I shrug “I’m curious and you are one of my best friends” I explain. He pushes himself into a sitting position, his cheeks turning pink.  
“Why are you curious?” He asks, now it’s my turn to bush as the image of JJ on top of me earlier lingers in my brain.   
“I’m curious” I state simply, he fixes the hat on his head, sucking in a loud breath.   
“We both kind of just knew” He finally says, and I groan  
“That’s it?” I ask, he nods “Really?”   
“Yes, what’s wrong with that answer?” He demands  
“It’s boring” I responded, he glares and I smirk. No one says anything, the sound of the water hitting the dock reverberates around us.   
“How long did you guys wait?” I ask, he blushes and doesn't look at me as he responds “It was about a week in”   
“A week” I exclaim, he turns to me now, a glare set deep on his face.  
“Yes, no judging” He remarks, I nod.   
“You knew after a week?” I ask   
“Knew what?”   
“That you wanted to?” I urge, he looks confused   
“Sarah wasn’t my first,” He says, and for some reason I’m shocked   
“Then who was?” I ask   
“A tourist when I was fifteen, she was older” He stammered, clearly embarrassed.   
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, feeling hurt.   
“I was embarrassed, and you were, well you’re you and I liked you so” He rambles, surprising me more   
“What?” I ask baffled, he groans   
“You knew, you had have known” He laughs, I shake my head   
“I didn’t know” I say, he gives me a weird look, and I quickly look away feeling the tension between us.   
“You could have told me, I wouldn’t have thought different of you” I express  
“You wouldn’t have?” He asked quietly, I turn back, and he’s looking down at the dock.   
“Only a little, but” I joke, he looks up and chuckles.   
“Fuck you” He mumbles making me laugh harder.   
“Surf Time Bitches” JJ comes running by, jumping off the dock into the water.   
“You got me all wet” I cry, immediately regretting my words JJ winks, and the sun glints off his face bringing focus on the fresh bruise on his jaw bone. My skin goes cold, and anger sweeps over me.   
“Dude another bruise?” John B asserts, JJ pulls himself up on the dock, just as Pope makes his way over.   
“Wrench to the face, one of the guys was turning and I got in the way” JJ avoids eye contact with me, and it only makes me angrier.  
“You’re gonna get brain damage” John B scolds, turning back to Pope.   
“I’m fine” He looks at me now, his face serious, like he was telling the lie just to me.   
…  
The waves are high today, the wind extra strong. JJ is the first out on the water, after reassuring me he was fine. I watch as he catches one, his hands moving outwards to stabilize his stance. He whips his board sideways, making the wave split behind him. I grab my waxed board and rush into the full waves. I grab the next wave, and I can hear the boys cheering loudly for me. I take a step back, throwing up a peace sign, before I kneel under the crest of the wave. The smell of the saltwater has always brought me a sense of peace. I choose Waves over shopping any day for the feeling of freedom alone. I drop off my board into the chilled water. The string that attaches me to my board, pulls me sideways, and up towards the surface. I hear the boys cheer my name as I pop up and swim to my board.   
“Nice one Kie” Pope nods, as I paddle towards them.   
“Thanks” I respond a bit breathless. “Your turn” I add winking. Pope starts paddling out, John B on his tail. I grab onto JJ’s board, pulling myself beside him. I pull my legs onto my board and cross them.   
“Guess who’s coming into town?” JJ turned to me, a somber look on his face.   
“Who?” I responded   
“Kyle” He answers, his tone clipped. Kyle is JJ’s cousin, who usually comes to visit every summer for a couple of weeks. I remember the first time I met Kyle, it was the summer after I turned fourteen. Before that JJ refused to introduce us, he kind of just went awol for three weeks. That summer we were, okay I was curious and I convinced John B and Pope to come with me to JJ’s. Kyle and him were in the back, Kyle was drinking, while JJ worked on the motor of his dad’s car. I pretty much hated Kyle at first sight. He’s misogynistic, crude, and has no sense of boundaries. One of the first comments out of his mouth was about my small chest. The next summer after I filled out, he commented on that too. He’s just the worst influence, on all of the guys I think. He’s the older cooler guy that the boys try to impress, leaving me to glare from afar.   
“Fun” I comment, he chuckles   
“He’s not that bad” JJ defends, I sigh  
“He’s a sexist pig” I respond, He sighs shaking the water from his hair. I catch sight of his cut again, the bruise is sprinkled against it, making my stomach churn violently.  
“JJ” I say, he looks over at me. “What happened?” I asked reaching out to lightly touch his cheek. He doesn’t flinch away, but his eyes darken.   
“I’m okay” He whispers.   
“Please” I mumble in response, needing him to tell me what I already know.  
“It was an accident Kie, he was drunk and he stumbled” JJ defends, his tone jumpy.   
“Is it always an accident?” I blurt, the anger consuming me.   
“Kie” He pleads  
“I don’t want you around him anymore” I demand, my tone sharp.   
“He’s my dad” He responds  
“Well as little as possible. You can stay with me! I don’t want you coming back with more bruises” I insist. “Please” I add my tone softer He looks back down at his board, his hair falling in his eye. I reach over and push it away, out of habit.   
“I really want to kiss you right now” He mumbles quietly. His voice is hard, and filled with lust. It makes my stomach swirl, and a smile pop onto my face.   
“You’re avoiding the question” I scold, he licks his lips, and my brain fogs again.   
“I’ll avoid it as much as possible.” He relents, the grin still on his face.   
“I’ll just have to keep you in my room” I smirk, his jaw drops slightly making my smirk widen.   
“Promise?” He leans closer, sending a shiver down my spine.   
…  
“I’m starving” I shiver as we pile our boards in the Van. The sun is starting to set so we decided to head in, plus Sarah called John B and told him she missed him.   
“Me too” Pope nods as we pile into the car. I cross my arms over my chest, running my hands up and down my arms for some warmth.   
“You cold?” JJ asks, I nod. He leans over grabbing his backpack and pulling out one of his zip-ups. He throws the jacket at me, and I quickly pull it on.   
“Thanks” I tighten the jacket around me.   
“Where are we going?” I ask, as my stomach growls again. “Sarah’s place, her parents are out of town, so her brothers throwing a party” John B said, his tone apprehensive.   
“Dude I just beat the guy up” JJ says, John B sighs and fixes the cap over his head.   
“We’re just picking her up” John B reassured  
“Can we get food?” I ask, Pope chuckles. “I’m literally starving” I add, holding they pull into any fast food place.   
“Text Sarah to bring you something” John B says, I sigh leaning my head back on the seat.   
“I have a snack bar in my bag” Pope instructs pointing to his bag in front of my feet. I dig through his bag of books and find a squished nature bar at the bottom.  
“Thank you” I moan bitting into the bar. When we get to Sarah’s it’s packed, Car’s pile the driveway, and down the street.   
“Geez” I mumble, Pope nods his eyes scanning the area.   
“I’m gonna go get her” John B says shutting the engine off. I watch him rush off towards the giant house.   
“I didn’t think this many people could stand Rafe” Pope says, JJ laughs placing his feet up on the dashboard.   
“They like free booze” I explain, moving to sit in the driver's seat. Pope pops up between the seats, eyeing the lit-up house.   
“Speaking of booze,” JJ says pulling a flask out of his backpack. I take it from him, sniffing it before I take a small sip. It’s vodka, and it sends heat through my body.   
“Hey” He snatches it back, taking a big swig. He extends it to Pope, who looks hesitant, but ends up taking it.   
“Did you guys know John B lost his virginity to a tourist?” I blurt, They both turn to me jaws dropped. “You did” I gasp, they both turn away, and I stare shocked.   
“How did you find out?” Pope asks, I glare at him.   
“He told me, the point is why didn’t anyone tell me at the time?” I ask, feeling extremely annoyed.   
“It wasn’t our place to tell” Pope explains, as JJ takes another sip from the flask.   
“All of you purposefully left me out” I snap, JJ doesn’t look at me.   
“John B was embarrassed, and he asked us not to tell” Pope adds, before shrugging and moving back to the seat. Before I can respond, the front door is being opened by John B, who looks confused.   
“Hey” He mumbles, I nod and move to the back seat. Sarah slides in beside me, a wide smile on her face.   
“Did you lose yours and not tell me?” I huff towards Pope, who’s eyes widen immensely before he blushes.   
“No, now shut up” He responds, his eyes darting to Sarah, who looks very confused.   
“I just didn’t know you guys didn’t tell me stuff, I would have told you” I jabbed.   
“Kie” JJ looks at me, but I’m so annoyed I look out towards the window.   
“What’s going on?” John B asks  
“Nothing” I mumble in response.   
…  
“I’m sorry” JJ mumbles, as we lay in my bed, wrapped up in each other. I look up at him, and he runs his hand up my body to my face so he can push the hair that dropped forward away. “I’m sorry about John B, we should have told you” He explains  
“It’s okay” I respond snuggling further into his side.   
“You know why he didn’t want to right?” JJ whispers, his tone apprehensive. The conversation from earlier pops into my head.   
“He told me today” I nod to myself, as I run my hand up and down JJ’s chest.   
“You didn’t know?” He retorts, disbelief in his voice.   
“No” He sits up, pulling me along with him.   
“You didn’t know John B had a crush on you?” JJ asks, his eyes searching mine. I fix myself so I’m now in front of him.   
“No, how did you guys expect me to know?” I huff, JJ shakes his head slightly, his eyes hard to read.   
“Well he was always so awkward with you, you didn’t notice?” He asks   
“I just thought you all were going through that weird separation phase” I explain, remembering when suddenly the guys starting acting weird to me. They would always have these secret inside jokes, and I hated it at the time.   
“All of us?” He asks   
“Ya when all of you acted distant to me, it’s not a big deal I just didn’t realize John B liked me” I shrug.   
“I didn’t mean to leave you out” He blurts making me smile   
“I know, it’s fine” I chuckle taking his hand   
“No, it’s my fault.” He said, his voice wavering slightly.   
“JJ, it’s fine” I assure him, he sighs running a hand through his hair.   
“I was the reason they were all distant to you.” He says, and now I’m confused. “I liked you, and John B had just told us he was starting to like you, and I…” He drops off, looking away towards the window. “I kept you guys separate. I thought that if you knew you’d want to be with him, so I wanted his crush to pass” He finishes quickly, the words smashing together.   
“I’m really sorry” He adds now looking at me. I try to imagine what I would have done if John B came to me and told me he liked me. I can’t imagine, the thought never crossed my mind.   
“It was a long time ago” I concede, he sighs in relief. I take his hand in mine, running up and down his arm slowly.   
“You really liked me back then?” I ask, still stunned by the realization.   
“Ya, I did” He groans, making me blush   
“Wow who knew flat chested Kiara had such a hold over you back then” I mock, his jaw drops   
“You always had an ass” He winks and I smack his arm, the slap echoing. “Geez” He laughs as I continue pushing him.   
“You are such an ass” I groan straddling him, so I can continue to jab his chest. “Fuck you” I smirk, unable to hold back my laughter. He has a shit-eating grin as he responds.   
“I wish you would” My stomach drops, and the air seems to have been sucked out of the room. I lean down placing a long drawn out kiss on his puckered lips before pulling away just an inch.   
“You wish.” He laughs loudly before spinning us so his arms cage me. I reach up, running my finger gently across his cheek. The sight of all the bruises sends a wave of nausea over me, so I quickly pull him down into a tight hug.   
“I’m gonna squash you” He laughs in my ear, but I hold tightly onto him. “Kie” He whispers again. I didn’t realize I was crying, until I could feel the water fall into my ears. He pushes back slightly, enough to get a view of my face. His face drops, and he quickly pulls back.   
“Kie” He repeats, his voice soft.   
“I’m fine” I assure wiping at my face and sitting up. He doesn’t look convinced at all, his eyes still so soft.   
“I just, I hate seeing you like this” I admit, hating that it feels like I’m taking all the attention of the room.   
“I’m okay” He repeats, caressing my cheek.   
“I know” I nod pulling him into another long hug.   
“I just like your face, you know” I mumble against his shoulder. I feel him chuckle, and it brings me a small amount of relief.  
“I’ll remember that” He responds, I nod, and continue to cling to him.   
“Probably not the best time to tell you I have to pee,” He chuckles, I nod and let him go. He smiles widely at me before rushing off to my bathroom. I stare after him, my skin prickling. I had to keep him away from his family, I couldn’t let him get hurt anymore, Enough was enough!


	8. Maybank

JJ was staring at me, his eyes pleading with mine not to be angry or upset. He knew I was pissed that Kyle was in town, and now he was with all of us twenty-four seven. I can’t get away from him, and it’s only been one day. I watch as Kyle tells John B, and Pope a story about him sneaking onto a charter yacht, where one of the girls kept him in their cabin… bullshit. I’m currently plotting was to beat the shit out of him, I know terrible. Kyle and JJ look alike, they both have the shaggy blonde hair, and sharp features. But Kyle is lankier, and the disgusting habit of chewing Tobacco has ruined his teeth. Kyle also has smaller beadier eyes. Plus the whole misogynistic asshole thing really throws him off.   
“Kie” I hear someone call, I look up, my trance popped. They’re all looking at me with smiles, and I groan.   
“What?” I ask, avoiding Kyle’s sleazy stare.   
“How have you been?” Kyle asks, his tone is even sleazy. He sounds like he’s always laughing at something.   
“Fine” I respond, playing with the zipper on my jacket.  
“You look good?” He says, his eyes roaming over me.   
“You don’t” I respond quickly, he chuckles. A low rumble that radiates over me.   
“Sassy as always” He nods, and I glare. “How about a truce?” He adds, and I sigh  
“How about we just don’t acknowledge each other?” I quip, and I notice John B chuckle quietly.   
“I think it’d be hard for me to ignore you” Kyle smiles. I stand there taken back by the comment, my jaw dropped.   
“Yuck” I groan, he chuckles and I turn to JJ, who’s staring off at the dock, with a faraway look on his face.   
“I’m very good in bed” Kyle remarks, actually making me gag.   
“Kyle man enough” JJ steps in finally, his eyes not moving.   
“I’m just trying to tell her what she’ll be missing” Kyle laughs, JJ turns his eyes on me.   
“Kyle” JJ warns, Kyle looks between us, and then puts his hands up in mock surrender. “Fine, I’ll stop” He nods, JJ turns back to the dock.   
“So man when do I get to meet your girl?” Kyle asks John B  
“She’s meeting us at the beach later” John B responded, a blush on his cheeks.   
“She hot?” Kyle asks, I gawk at them completely appalled.   
“She’s very hot” John B muses, a smirk prominent on his face.   
“Pigs” I mumble, John B chuckles as Kyle leans back in his chair, his eyes on me, as he licks his lower lip.   
…  
“Let's get fucked” Kyle cheers out once we get to the beach. He’s shirtless, and already tipsy. I look over to Sarah who’s first introduction to Kyle was pretty much a carbon copy of mine. She rolls her eyes, as she links arms with John B. I stare between the couple. John B lays a small kiss to her temple, and a pang of jealousy shoots through me. I look over at JJ, who has had that far off look on his face all day. I’m jealous that they get to kiss in public. I quickly turn away from JJ, my heart pounding in my chest. I watch as Kyle rushes off towards a group of girls, who to my dismay look intrigued.   
“Kie?” I hear someone call, I turn and see Liam my old neighbor walking towards me.   
“Hey” I smile as he pulls me in for a quick hug. He’s taller than I remember, towering over all of us.   
“I haven’t seen you in forever” He smiles down at me.   
“Ya, since you moved” I agree, he chuckles, taking a sip of his beer.   
“Want to grab a drink?” He asks. I notice everyone has scattered so I nod.   
“So how have you been?” He asks as we walk towards the drinks.   
“Good, not much has changed. You?” I ask, He looks me up and down, the grin on his face growing slightly.   
“Somethings have changed” He remarks, and I’m kind of taken back by the boldness.   
“I…” I stutter  
“Sorry too much?” He laughs. I automatically look over trying to find JJ, but I can’t spot him.   
“I have a boyfriend” I admit for the first time out loud.   
“Should have known” He said, his tone soft.   
“Thank you” I mumble “I don’t know what to say” I laugh awkwardly.   
“It’s okay, so who’s the guy?” He asks as he hands me a beer from the cooler. “Let me guess, JJ?” He asks, and my stomach drops  
“What?” I ask, he looks confused at my shock  
“Or not” He chuckles   
“It’s not, why would you say JJ?” I ask, he shrugs   
“I remember you two being close, plus it was obvious he liked you” He explains, and I bite down on my lip to keep from smiling.   
“We’re not dating,” I say, he nods   
“Sorry I just assumed” He shrugs.   
“So, tell me how’s college?” I change the subject.   
“It’s different, more inclusive than here” Liam laughs  
“Oh you mean no rich versus poor?” I ask  
“I mean no Kooks versus Pogues” He explains.   
“Sounds nice” I nod sipping my drink.   
“Kie” Someone calls, I turn and find Sarah rushing toward me   
“What?” I ask noticing the worry on her face.  
“Kyle is fighting with Rafe and Topper” She huffs out, and I roll my eyes.   
“I’m not getting involved in that” I state  
“Pope went and got JJ” She explains.   
“I’m sorry I have to go” I turn to Liam, he nods. I follow Sarah, pushing past the crowd that’s formed. I spot Kyle right away, he’s got Topper pinned down, while Rafe is fighting with someone I don’t recognize. John Brushes up behind us, gripping Sarah's waist as she lunges forward.   
“Stop” Sarah yells loudly, but no one turns back or flinches. I spot JJ, and Pope pushing roughly through the crowd, JJ’s eyes widen as he takes in the scene.   
“Kyle” He calls springing forward, to pull Kyle backward. Kyle falters for a second, but jumps back into holding Topper down. JJ doesn’t hesitate in pulling him off again, Kyle looks angry, so angry he goes to swing at JJ, who ducks in time.   
“Kyle” JJ calls, holding onto his arms, holding him steady. I look down at Topper, who’s not getting off the ground. Sarah rushes forward, kneeling down to the bloody Topper.   
“What is wrong with you” Sarah cries tears in her eyes. Kyle looks rabid, there’s blood dripping from his lip, and his hair is mused in his eyes.   
“He’s lucky” Kyle spit, and Sarah looked terrified.   
“Top” She whispers quietly hand on his cheek, I instinctively turn to John B, who’s staring at the interaction with a hard face. Before anyone realizes It, Rafe comes running, his fist flying in Kyles direction. Kyle ducks leaving JJ to connect with. JJ falls backward, as Kyle pushes Rafe back, making him stumble over Sarah and Topper.   
“JJ” I call, rushing over to him. “What the fuck!” I yell at Kyle, as I bend down to inspect a knocked out JJ.   
“JJ” I repeat, gripping his shirt in my hands. He looks dazed, as he groans loudly.   
“JJ, can you hear me,” I ask him, as he groans again, his eyes shutting tightly “Why the fuck did you duck!” I yell at Kyle again, who’s pushing back his dirty hair.   
“Instinct” He shrugs. I help JJ to sit up, his hand going to his jaw.   
“Fuck” He moans, as I push back the strands of hair that fell into his face. Pope drops down on the other side of him, a concerned look on his face.   
“Can you see straight?” He asks him, holding out his finger. JJ nods, and moves to stand.   
“I’m fine, it just caught me off guard” He mumbles fixing his ruffled shirt.   
“Sorry man” Kyle says, and he still sounds amused.   
“You're a real piece of shit” I glare, he smirks down at me.   
“Kie, I’m fine” JJ assures, I turn my glare to him.   
“And you, fuck you too” I yell, the anger surging through me, he looks confused.   
“What did he do?” Pope asks, I shake my head.   
“All of you are annoying” I stammer shoving past them. Sarah is still next to Topper who is now sitting up.   
“Jesus, does he need the hospital?” I ask her, she has tears in her eyes.   
“Probably” She sniffles, while Topper kind of topples over.   
“He deserves it” Kyle spits again, Sarah glares   
“Just fuck off” I instruct helping Sarah with Topper.   
“A little help?” I grunt. JJ and Pope rush forward.   
“You would think his best friend Rafe would want to help” JJ huffs, as Topper’s head drops forward.  
“Please” Sarah says, her tone wobbly. JJ looks at her, his eyes softening before quickly looking away.   
“You're seriously going to help this piece of shit?” Kyle states  
“He could be seriously hurt Kyle, that means jail time, and you’re on probation” JJ explains while Kyle huffs pushing his hair back.   
“Whatever” He snips, before turning towards the crowd. “Who wants a drink?” Kyle cheers, and everyone cheers loudly forgetting the event altogether. Kyle saunters off with a group, laughing loudly. I notice John B off to the side, staring at Sarah who’s keeping Topper's head upright.   
“John B” I say, he looks at me, and I can see the worry in his eyes.   
“Wanna help bud” JJ says as Topper slips again. John B, shakes the daze away and rushes forward, helping on Pope's side. Sarah steps away letting the guys take him to the car.   
…  
The car ride is silent expect for Sarahs quiet whispers to Topper as he grunts loudly. We laid him across the seats, and Sarah has his head on her lap. I look over at John B who is driving. His posture is rigid, and his face is stone-cold as he stares ahead. I turn back to JJ who’s holding his jaw, while opening and closing his mouth. I unbuckle my seatbelt, and John B turns to me. I grab my bag and move over to where JJ is sitting. He notices, but doesn’t say anything. I take his face in my hands moving his face side to side to see the damage.   
“No blood” I say to myself looking at his lips. He shakes his head in response.   
“I don’t have anything, I do have a can of Perrier in my bag, the metal is cold” I say handing him the aluminum can. He takes it, and I nod.   
“We’ll ask for an icepack at the hospital” I tell him. I notice Pope looking between us a weird look on his face. I move away towards Sarah and Topper.   
“You okay?” I ask, she sniffs, and nods. I look down at Topper, and I cringe at the sight. It’s bad, his right eye is swollen shut, and his lip is busted.   
“I would bandage him but there’s no point” I tell her, she nods again, running her finger through his hair.   
“Your cousin is a monster” she looks at JJ angrily  
“I’m sure Topper wasn’t innocent” JJ responds defensively   
“Excuse me, have you seen him” She states “He could have killed him” Her voice cracks slightly, and I can see the panic on JJ’s face.   
“I’m not his keeper Sarah” is all he responds, his tone flat.   
“What happened?” I ask her, she shakes her head again.   
“Rafe said something stupid to Kyle, and when Kyle got in his face Topper stepped in, and” She stops looking down at Topper.   
“What did Rafe say?” I ask, suddenly curious.   
“I don’t remember?” She says, but she doesn’t look at me.   
“Pope?” I ask, he looks over at JJ, and my stomach sinks.   
“I.. I don’t” He starts but JJ interrupts “Just say it man.” Pope hesitates, but seems to relent.   
“He said that the Maybank men are all white trash, and…” Pope stops and looks at JJ who’s staring down at the ground.   
“and what?” JJ asks, his eyes glued to the floor.   
“it doesn’t matter man, Rafe’s an asshole” Pope explains, JJ looks up, his eyes hard.   
“And what Pope?” He repeats   
“And he understood why your mother left” Pope finishes, and It feels like all the air has been sucked from the van. JJ nods slowly, and looks back down at the van floor.   
“He has a point” JJ laughs, it comes out bitter.   
“Rafe’s an asshole” John B finally says, turning quickly towards JJ, who nods.   
…  
“Are you serious?” Sarah cries, her tone sounding frantic, I can hear the cold chuckle John B lets out.   
“I don’t see why you have to stay here” John B responded, the jealousy evident in his voice. JJ, Pope, and I sit on the waiting room chairs five feet away from the bathroom door, where John B and Sarah are fighting. I look over at the two, and they both have wide eyes.   
“He’s hurt” Sarah's voice echos. JJ cracks a small smile, and Pope follows.   
“Guys” I scold, and that seems to break them, sending them into fits of laughter.   
“Tonight was not funny” I tell them, but their laughter continues. The bathroom door opens suddenly, and the laughter stops. John B looks livid, and he walks straight towards us, while Sarah heads back to Topper's room.   
“What happened?” I ask standing, he grunts.   
“She’s staying” He remarks, his tone cold.   
“We should back dude, we all need some sleep” Pope says, and JJ nods pulling John B into a side hug.   
“Let's go” He agrees, and we all start walking back to the van. Pope rushes to grab the front seat, so JJ and I pile into the back. The drive back is silent, and I notice JJ’s far away look. I grab his hand, and squeeze it gently. He turns to me, and towards the front checking if anyone’s looking. He rubs his fingers along my arm, squeezing my hand back. I lean my head on his shoulder too tired and sad to care if they see. I close my eyes, sleep envelopes me quickly.   
…  
I wake up to snoring. The kind of snoring that sounds more like share breathes of air, in and out. I look over, the sunlight soaking JJ in a deep orange light. His arm is hung over his eyes, moving up and down along with his chest. I turn over onto my side, focusing on the way his mouth turns upwards, only to fall with his breath. I run my hand across his chest, and up to his face. I stop at his neck, feeling the strong hum of his heartbeat. His skin is soft, so soft it always seems to surprise me. I wonder if he moisturizes, who am I kidding JJ moisturizing. I laugh at myself, the bed shaking along with me.   
“What?” JJ’s voice rings out, making me laugh harder  
“ I was imaging you moisturizing” I blurt, the laughter rolling in harder. He lifts his arm to peak at me, a confused smile on his face.   
“Inside joke” I laugh, he sighs   
“With yourself?” He asks, I nod and rest my head back on his chest. The room goes quiet again, the only sound I hear is a far off lawnmower.   
“I thought you’d sleep at home, with your cousin,” I say  
“Kyles not at my house” He responds quickly, his tone gruff. I shift so I can look up at him, and he shrugs.   
“Kyle stays away from my dad as much as possible” He explains  
“But, you two always stay together, so where do you sleep?” I ask  
“Sometimes John B’s sometimes outside,” He tells me  
“I didn’t know” I respond  
“I never told you” He defends. I sit up, the feeling of unpreparedness hitting me again.   
“What?” He asks noticing the look on my face.   
“I want to know everything,” I say, he shifts so he can lean against the headboard.  
“We’ve known each other for forever Kie” He chuckles, but stops when he sees my face. “What do you mean?” He asks   
“I mean I want to know everything you’ve been too afraid to tell me.” I clarify. He starts playing with the beaded bracelet on his arm.   
“Kie I’m okay” He recites  
“I know you’re okay, but JJ I still want to know,” I explain, he looks up flustered. “I want to know everything about you, not because I want to fix you or change you but because I care about you” I defend.   
“What If it makes you think differently of me?” He asks anxiously.   
“I promise it won’t, and I make that promise with full confidence” I vow. “Plus whatever happened to you that you’re embarrassed of isn’t your fault JJ” I add. His eyes don’t leave mine, they seem to stare at me waiting for me to run out of the room and say I was lying. I reach for him, hoping that he trusts me enough to let me in.  
“I…I” He stumbles, his cheeks turning pink. “Shit” He berates himself pulling away from me.  
“JJ” I call, but he’s too much in his own head to hear me.   
“I don’t know, I don’t know” He repeats, pacing my room. “ I don’t know Kie” He looks up at me, his eyes glossy and red.   
“You don’t know what?” I ask, he looks back down, his face contorting slightly.   
“I don't know anything” He responds “Do you know what I mean?” He asks, looking back up.   
“I feel like I don’t know anything. I don't know what’s right, and what’s wrong.” He explains, his eyes bouncing around the room.   
“How could I, I’m a Maybank, that is just who I am! No way around genes Kie, does that make sense?” He asks, his eyes bleary. “It doesn’t” He responded for me, a single tear drops from his eye.   
“I get it, I just don’t agree” I add, he licks his lips taking in a deep breath before turning away from me.   
“I’m a Maybank.” He states like that’s all the answer I need.   
“Hey, we don’t have to do this now okay” I stand and walk towards him. “I just wanted you to know, but we don’t have to do all of it now” I reveal, wrapping my arms around his middle and placing my head against his back. He doesn’t say anything, We just stand there.   
“I’m sorry” He mumbles, and tears prick my eyes. I shift and move so I’m now facing him. “JJ, I’m here for you. Whenever you want to talk, or even if you don't want to talk” I tell him, taking his face in my hands. “I’m here for you” I repeat, pecking his lips lightly.


	9. Fuck It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets steamy...

“Why does it feel like I haven’t seen you in forever?” Sarah asked pulling me into a tight hug, squealing slightly. Sarah texted me earlier asking me to meet her at a coffee shop, she needed to talk to me.   
“How are you?” I ask her. I know Sarah and John B have been fighting a lot lately, with all the time she’s been spending with Topper.   
“I’m okay” She nods, looking down at her coffee. “I’ve been helping Topper a lot” She adds, her tone cautious, like I might accuse her of something.   
“How is he doing?” I ask  
“He’s okay, his arm is broken, and he’s bruised pretty badly” She recounts   
“Shit” I sigh, she nods playing with a sugar packet on the table.   
“He’s doing good though, just needs a lot of rest” She smiles, but it falls short. I reach out for her hand and give it a small squeeze.   
“So he told you,” She says,   
“No, he hasn’t said anything, but he just seems sad, and so do you” I explain. She leans back in the chair, her face contorting into annoyance.   
“He’s jealous” She snorts, as if its the most ridiculous thing in the world. “I’m trying to be a good friend” She states frantically, I nod.   
“I think he’s just worried” I try to counter, but she just seems more annoyed.   
“I think I deserve some trust. He was beaten… badly and I was worried” She retorts.   
“I know, and he knows that too, but he’s just… honestly I’m not sure but he loves you Sarah” I tell her, she nods.   
“I’m just tired” She blurts, her tone wobbly.   
“Just talk to him, without screaming” I suggest, she nods and takes a sip of her drink.   
“How are you?” She asks.   
“I’m good,” I nod, she looks unconvinced   
“Come on, spill” She urges.  
“Nothing really, we’re good,” I tell her  
“How’s JJ?” She asks, and I know she means about the comment her brother made.   
“Fine” I say. I know JJ is uncomfortable talking about his feelings, so I don't really want to tell her about the breakdown.   
“We’re good, but I do have a question” I blush, she raises her eyebrow a smile on her face.  
“Go on” She smirks   
“How did you know you were ready to have sex?” I whisper, her eyes widen, and she blushes. “You don’t have to answer” I stammer  
“No, it’s fine” She assures me, but I can tell I’ve made it slightly awkward. “It’s just you know my first time was with John B,” She asks  
“Ya” I chuckle at her hushed tone.   
“Okay, well he told me we could wait as long as I wanted he wasn’t in a rush, and I just knew then” She explains quickly.   
“You just knew?” I ask  
“Well, when I was with Topper, he said the same thing, and then I told him I was sure, but something in me screamed no, once it started happening” She states, a tense look on her face.   
“You just have to decide, and know that it’s up to you” She adds, her tone sober. It’s weird, with sex I always thought of it as an amount of time before it’s acceptable, like an invisible finish line. If I’m being honest I wasn't waiting because I wasn’t ready, I was waiting because of some stupid stigma.   
“How was it?” I ask, and she laughs loudly “Also, I’ve always wondered….” I wink making her laugh harder.   
…  
I’m currently sitting on John B’s dock, watching as a shirtless JJ stretches, his muscles bulge, and his pants ride low, making heat pour over me. I shift, feeling the shiver run down my spine. He bends back down, passing John B a sharp tool that I do not know the name of. They’ve been working on the boat all afternoon. More of a cleanup, making sure all the scum isn’t piling around the motor. They’re both shirtless and I can see the beads of sweat on their chests. I lean forward on my palm watching as JJ cranks the wrench, the veins in his arms sticking out. After the conversation with Sarah, I know I’m ready to have sex. I’m obviously attracted to him, I can’t take my eyes off his movements. I blush at the thought, and another wave of heat rolls over me.   
“Kie” JJ’s voice breaks my haze  
“What?” I ask, my voice tight.  
“Could you pass the toolbox” He asks, his eyes focused on the task in front of him. I stand and grab the toolbox, jumping onto the boat to hand it to him.   
“Thanks” He mumbles distractedly. He bites his lower lip in concentration, and my mouth goes dry at the sight. What was wrong with me! I can’t peel my eyes away from his arms. The image in my head makes a blush float on my whole body, and I can feel the pounding of my heart everywhere.   
“Kie” John B’s voice cuts in, and I quickly turn. My foot catches on a scattered wrench, and I feel my knees give out. I’m bracing myself for the feel of hardwood under me, but instead I feel two arms wrap around me just before I touch the floor.   
“Shit” I mumble, the blush on my face has turned from lust to embarrassment.   
“Kie” John B asks, looking over the edge of the boat.   
“I’m fine” I mumble, as JJ helps me up.   
“Thanks” I smile, he nods a concerned look on his face   
“You okay, you seem distracted” He asks, retracting his hands from around me.   
“Fine, just dazed” I wave him off, he smirks and my skin burns.   
“You sure you can get off the boat without falling?” He asks, and I glare   
“Fuck off” I smile and start walking back to the dock.   
“So I saw Sarah today,” I tell John B, he looks away from the side of the boat, his eyes curious. “You okay?” I ask, his face drops slightly as he continues what he’s doing.   
“I’m fine, what did she tell you?” He asks, his tone inquisitive   
“She just said that maybe you were worried even though there’s nothing to worry about” I shrug, hopefully, it comes out nonchalant.   
“She told you I was jealous, seriously” He spits angrily, shit!   
“No, she didn’t” I lie, he turns to me   
“You're taking her side” He asks, his tone hard.   
“What, no” I stammer, he still looks angry “John B come on” I urge  
“I’m not jealous, I just…” He stops himself “Did it not look weird, that night. How she was acting?” He’s asking, not accusing. I can see the worried etched in his brow, he’s scared he might lose her.   
“I…” I start to defend her, but then I remember how worried she was, the tears in her eyes. I look over at JJ who gives me a sympathetic look. It looked a bit suspicious.   
“I don't know” I admit, feeling like I might have betrayed Sarah. John B’s eyes widen and he drops the tool he had in his hand.   
“So you thought it was weird?” He asks  
“He is her ex, maybe it’s just…” But I don't know how to spin this   
“I get it” He mumbles more to himself   
“Do you think she’s cheating?” He asks his face contorting into a look of disgust   
“No” I answer immediately   
“JJ?” He asks, JJ stops doing what he’s doing to look up at us.   
“Dude, you’re asking me” He remarks, but I can tell he doesn’t want to answer.   
“Yes” John B responds. JJ looks down, his hand scratching the base of his neck.   
“I don’t think she’s cheating, but I would be thrown by how she was with Topper” JJ finally admits, before throwing himself back into whatever he was doing.   
“What should I do?” He asks  
“Just talk to her” I instruct  
“I’ve tried, she refuses to discuss it because of how ridiculous it is” He mocks “Her words” He adds  
“Do it anyway” I say, he nods. Like she heard us, I notice Sarah a couple feet away, walking quickly towards us. She doesn’t look pleased, her face is stone cold.   
“John B” She calls, stopping at my feet. John B pushes away from the boat and stands beside her.   
“Hey I was actually just gonna call you” He says, but her face doesn’t change.   
“You talked to Topper?” She asks, his face drops. She places her hands on her hips, waiting for him to respond.   
“I went over to talk to you and he was there” John B explains  
“I can’t believe you grilled him on this delusion of yours” She huffs angrily   
“Why are you so mad that I talked to Topper scared I might find something out?” He asks, his tone accusatory.   
“I’m done with your jealousy. Topper is hurt and I’m helping him recover” She exclaims, waving her hands frantically.   
“So then why are you being so weird whenever I’m around Topper?” He asked, her face drops and I notice her step down just a little.   
“I don’t” She responds, he sighs running a hand through his hair.  
“You do, and instead of sitting and talking you’re pushing me away like you always do” He yells, I look over at JJ, who is staring at the scene with intrigued eyes.  
“I’m not being weird, you’re just insecure” He yells back, John B huffs angrily, while she glares.   
“I’m done with this” She adds, and everyone freezes. “I can’t keep having the same fight” She states her voice eerily calm.   
“So what do you want Sarah?” He asks, she bites down on her lip, and takes in a deep breath through her nose.   
“I think we need a break” She answers.   
“Guys why don’t you both just back off and take a breath” I insert. Sarah looks back at me, and I give her a pleading look.   
“No, if she’s done, then we’re done” John B states, Sarah nods, gripping at the side of her dress.   
“We’re done” She nods before walking off. John B doesn’t move, his eyes are glued to the dock. Sarah starts running, and she quickly disappears.   
“Dude” JJ is now beside me. John B looks up, his eyes glossy, my heart drops at the sight. I move forward, and he shakes his head.   
“I’m sorry,” I say, he looks away from me sighing loudly.   
“I should have expected it” He remarks, more to himself than us. I pull him into a hug, squeezing him tightly against me.   
“This sucks and I’m sorry” I whisper. I feel JJ behind me, and then I feel his arms around both of us. I can feel John B crying, and I think JJ does too because he pulls us closer.   
…  
“She just ended things with him?” Pope whispers, JJ nods. I look over at John B, who’s sipping on a beer. “Why?” He asks   
“The whole Topper thing” JJ responded, as I shush them.   
“He’s right over there guys” I say, Pope looks over, his face dropping.   
“He’s a mess” JJ says, Pope nods. We all walk over, JJ plops down next to John B while Pope and I sit across from them.   
“So what’s the plan?” JJ asks pulling out his vape. John B takes it from him, taking a long pull from it. “Ahhh, I see you” JJ smirks as he hands it back.   
“Okay we can all get fucked up, but first I have to ask” I start, they all look at me, “Are you okay, and do you want to talk about anything?” I ask, no one says anything.   
“Kie I’m fine, but thank you” John B smiles kindly at me “Now we can get fucked up?” He asks. I reach over grabbing the vape from JJ and taking a drag.   
“Let’s get it boys” I cheer, making them all laugh. Pope drives since he’s the only sober one at the moment. We decided to go down to the cut, where there’s free booze, and people. John B is already gone by the time we get there.   
“Kie” I hear someone call, I turn and see Lily a girl I met at an ocean cleanup a couple weeks ago.   
“Hey” I smile as she hugs me tightly.   
“Guys this is Lily” I introduce “Lily this is John B, JJ, and Pope,” I tell her, she’s smiling, but she blushes when her eyes catch on John B.   
“Hi” She waves, John B smiles.   
“How do you two know each other?” John B asks her, she pushes her red hair behind her ear.   
“We met at a cleanup a couple of weeks ago” She responded, her smile widening slightly.   
“So you’re into the environment like Kie?” JJ asks, she turns to him, her smile faltering but I shove him.   
“Everyone should be into the environment idiot” I say, he chuckles, his eyes foggy.   
“I know, I love the environment” He nods, making me groan   
“Don’t mind him, he’s pretty far gone already” I excuse  
“Ya don’t mind JJ, he’s an idiot” John B chuckles, and JJ chuckles before taking him. John B lets out a hardy laugh. I notice Lily looking at the scene with wide amused eyes.   
“Stop” JJ groans as John B jumps on his back.   
“I’m friends with idiots,” I tell her, she laughs loudly.   
“Honestly I find this hilarious, I’m usually stuck with preppy losers” She says, as JJ starts chasing John B.   
“Drinks?” John B slides between us, using us as human shields.   
“Yes I’d love one” Lily grins at him, he looks down at her now. He looks like he’s just noticed her fully now, and he straightens up.   
“I’ll walk with you” He smirks, and my eyes widen. I watch as they walk off towards the keg, I can hear Lily’s laugh echo.   
“That probably wasn’t the best idea” I groan, guilt consuming me.   
“He’s a big boy” JJ places his arm around my shoulder.   
“He just got broken up with” I stammer  
“Let him play the field” Pope interjects as JJ pulls him in, his arm going around his shoulder.   
“It just happened” I retort  
“She broke up with him” JJ shrugs   
“You are both such men” I tell them, they both laugh, and I push away from them walking towards the drinks.   
…  
Lily and John B are chatting animatedly to each other, while I stare at the pair in disbelief. John B is tipsy and angry, which isn’t the best combination. I know that if he does anything with Lily he’ll regret it.   
“It’s fine” JJ whispers, his breath fanning my neck.   
“I just feel guilty,” I tell him, he nods, moving to sit down next to me.   
“Why?” He asks  
“I’m friends with Sarah and I just feel like he’ll regret whatever he’s gonna do,” I explain. He starts reaching for my hand before he realizes, and drops his hand between us.   
“It won’t be your fault either way” He responds, I nod looking back at Lily and John B.   
“It’s just” I start, my eyes moving to his. “If we broke up and I heard you were talking to a girl” I look down at my hands embarrassed “I’d be devastated” I finish. His fingers inch closer to my thigh, his thumb brushing lightly across it.   
“I’d be devastated too” He says, and my skin prickles. I want so badly to kiss him, I’d even go for a simple holding hands. “I’d also never do that to you even if you broke up with me” he adds, and I can’t help the smile that springs up onto my face.   
“You have to say that” I respond, he chuckles.   
“Okay I’d flirt, I’d flirt with everyone so I wouldn’t have to think about how I lost you” He states.   
“Shit” I mumble, he smirks “Now I want to kiss you but also kick your ass,” I say  
“The power of JJ” he remarks. I turn back to John B who’s face is inches away from Lily’s. They’re talking quietly now, a blush covering her pale skin.   
“He’s gonna do it” I say, as he reaches out to push some hair from her face. She looks down in a shy way before coyly biting her lip.   
“Ya” JJ confirms, as John B pulls her into a kiss. She wraps her arms around his neck, as the kiss becomes sloppy.   
“Geez” JJ comments, as she pushes up against him, like she’s going to mount him right there.   
“He’s fucked” I groan, JJ nods. As the pair continues to maul each other.   
…  
“Do you think he took her home?” I ask JJ as I pull the blanket over us. He turns on his side, our faces inches apart.   
“I don’t know” He responds “The same answer I gave you twenty minutes ago” He smiles, and I sigh loudly.   
“I don’t know why I’m so bothered” I exclaim angrily. The bed creaks slightly from my movement.   
“I think you’re just being Momma Kie” He answers. I shake my head, and groan loudly.   
“Sometimes I wish I cared less” I confess, the words spilling from my lips.   
“I think caring as much as you do is a good thing” He tells me, his eyes scanning my face. “Feeling nothing gets pretty boring” He points out. I move my hand, under my head, squishing my face.   
“Do you think there’s a medium?” I ask  
“I think everyone is different, no one ever feels the same” He responds. I close my eyes and huff out a breath of air. I feel him shift, and I feel his lips connect to my cheek, and then move to the tip of my nose. He continues to pepper kisses along my face, making me giggle loudly. “Shh, your parents could hear” He whispers pulling me flush against him. I finally open my eyes, and his face is so close I can see the faint spray of freckles along his cheeks, so light I’ve never noticed them before. I’m about to comment on them when his lips capture mine in a burning kiss. I grip the back of his neck pulling him as close as possible. He pulls away, just a fraction of an inch, taking in a deep breath.  
“We shouldn’t get carried away” he remarks his eyes closed as he bites down on his lower lip.   
“We can” I whisper, and his eyes shoot open. “I’m ready if you are” I add, my voice sounding more confident.   
“Kiara, we don’t have to” He says, his eyes wide and filled with, concern. Concern is the wrong word, he looks anxious.   
“I want to, unless you don’t” I backtrack feeling my cheeks heat. I go to pull back, but his arms tighten around me.   
“I want to, trust me I want to” His eyes turn dark, and goosebumps break out on my skin. “I just need you to be sure, you want your first time to be with me.” He says his breath fanning against my lips.   
“I think I’ve always known it was supposed to be you” I respond. He doesn’t hesitate in pulling me on top of him, his lips attacking mine in that moment. I reciprocate the kiss with equal excitement. I grab the hem of his shirt, feeling the soft skin underneath. I can feel the goosebumps on his skin, and it makes my throat constrict with emotion. I break away, pulling gently on his shirt as a sign for him to sit up so I can pull it off. He does, and I rip off his shirt before connecting our lips again. His hands travel under my sleep tank top. The calluses on his fingers are rough against my skin, but the contrast makes my stomach coil tightly. I sit up, pulling off my shirt, his eyes travel over me making me blush all over. His eyes are filled with so much emotion it makes my heart stammer in my chest. I reach behind, to unclasp my bra. He leans upwards, his lips brushing against mine, almost like a reassurance. I pull off my bra, and his eyes fall low. His usual light blue eyes have darkened leaving them to look more like a storm cloud. He reaches for me quickly pulling me against him, as his lips travel along my neck. I arch into him, my breathing labored. He flips us over, and my stomach flips, a giggle escaping my lips.   
“You are absolutely gorgeous” He says, his voice hoarse. I reach up running my fingers through his hair.  
“Show me” I whisper, and he attacks my lips.


	10. Drama

I wake up to a loud knock. I groan and try to turn over, but JJ’s hand around my waist anchors me to the bed. I crane my neck and I spot JJ who’s sound asleep, with soft snores escaping his lips. The knock sounds again, and I freeze, clutching the blanket to my naked chest.   
“Kiara” Mom’s voice is muffled behind the door. I push JJ’s arm off me, and scramble up. JJ groans and turns over.   
“JJ” I whisper, shaking his arm. JJ’s eyes open slowly, a small smile on his face.   
“Morning” He grins, and my stomach coils again my brain fogging with memories of last night.   
“Kiara” Mom calls again, and this time JJ hears, his eyes widening.   
“Under the bed!” I whisper, He scrambles up, the sheets falling off his naked body.   
“Coming mom, I’m a second” I yell as JJ disappears under the bed. I grab my robe and quickly wrap it around me. I open the door quickly, and mom steps back surprised.   
“Sorry I was gonna take a shower” I explain, fixing my hair. She gives me a once over her face confused.   
“We have that luncheon in an hour, get ready and please wear that dress I bought you” She exclaims. I groan loudly, remembering the very boring and snooty luncheon I have to attend.   
“Mom, remind me why I have to go?” I ask, she puts her hand on her hip, her eyebrow almost touching her hairline.   
“Because I said so, now shower and get ready” She instructs. “Also make sure to put your hair up off your neck” She says and I stare confused.   
“That’s snobby I agree, but just do it” She says before turning and walking back down the hall. I shut the door, and lock it, turning to my bed.   
“That scared the shit out of me” I laugh as JJ, who’s now wearing his briefs, crawls out from under the bed.   
“Ya” He chuckles and I let my eyes roam over him, and a blush covers my body. He grins and saunters over to me, making my skin prickle with desire. He pecks my lips, before moving to the side of my neck, and leaving a small kiss there.   
“I have to shower” I moan, the familiar flutter in my stomach starts again.   
“I could help with that” He smirks against my skin, making me giggle loudly.   
“You’d only distract me and I have to be ready in an hour” I groan. My annoyance for this luncheon only growing.   
“Fine, I’ll see you later?” He asks as he starts picking up his discarded clothes.   
“Ya, after this thing with my mom” I nod, he pulls on his shirt before scrambling into his shorts. He pulls me into another kiss, this one is softer.   
“I’ll see you later” He smiles, I nod before pushing him to the window. Thank god my room isn’t near the front entrance. I watch him rush off towards the bushes, before disappearing completely. I shut my window, my smile widening. Last night was pretty much perfect. He just knew what to do, not only in the act, but during and after. He made me feel safe and extremely wanted, which I’ve never experienced before. Last night only left me craving him more, which probably isn’t good for a secret relationship.   
…  
The luncheon feels like it’s in slow motion. That's the weird thing about rich people, they moved in slow motion. Everything always poised, no room for mistakes. I watch as Georgia Hammond laughs daintily to a group of older Kooks, she reacts so gently to everything, I wonder if she ever actually feels anything. The conversation I had with JJ last night pops into my head. I wonder if he struggles with it. It’s easy to forget what JJ has been through. He always seems so energetic, like the world just works and he’s okay with that. He has all the reasons in the world to be an asshole, but he isn’t. Sure he’s hot-headed and he gets into trouble, but he has a great heart. Plus he’s the most loyal person I’ve ever met. I sag against the counter, my mind rolling to more intimate parts of JJ. Heat flashes over my body, as my mind wanders.   
“Kie” I hear Sarah’s voice. I turn, feeling the thrum of my heartbeat in my cheeks.   
“Hey” I smile, she smiles hugging me.   
“I’m so glad you’re here, these are always so boring” She comments, I nod.   
“I’ve been standing here for a whole five minutes and it feels like an hour” I say, she giggles, and I notice it’s softer than usual. Much like Georgia Hammonds laugh.   
“Come on let's get some food and sit” she takes my hand, pulling me towards the buffet. After we get the food, we move to an empty table.   
“So” She says, as I sip on some water. I instantly know where the conversation is heading. “How’s John B?” She asks, her tone light, but curious.   
“He’s okay I haven’t seen him today” I answer back lightly, not really feeling like going over their breakup.   
“Has he said anything?” She asks, and I sigh   
“Sarah come on,” I say, she groans   
“I’m curious” She shrugs.   
“He’s okay I guess, the breakup came as a surprise so I’m not really sure,” I tell her “Plus it’s been one day” I add, she nods pocking her cream cheese bagel with her finger.   
“I know” She agrees “I don’t know what happened” She looks up at me with pleading eyes   
“You broke up with him” I argue   
“I know, but everything was just so complicated” She rationalizes, panic in her voice “I fucked up” She explains  
“I’m sure if you talk to him he’ll understand,” I say, she looks up at me, her eyes communicating something I can’t decipher. I get this weird feeling that there’s something she isn’t saying.   
“What’s really wrong Sarah?” I lean closer to her, she shakes her head.   
“Nothing, I broke up with him for a reason so I’m fine” She nods curtly. “It’s fine really” She encourages, a small smile on her face.   
“So how are you and JJ?” She asked before biting into her bagel. Last night filters into my head, making me smile.   
“We’re good” I gleam, her eyes widen.   
“Wait” She starts I shake my head but a blush pops onto my face.”Did something happen?” She asks.   
“We had sex” I nod, she squeals and the ladies around us turn with sour faces   
“Sorry” Sarah apologizes giving them a dazzling smile. She turns back to me, her eyes bright. “Tell me everything” She beams cheerfully. I blush again, but immediately delve into all the details of last night.   
…  
I went straight to John B’s after the luncheon. I pull out the pins in my hair, as I walk to the back porch of the chateau.   
“Where have you been sleeping lately?” I hear John B ask, I freeze.   
“At home” JJ responds, his tone light   
“Really?” John B responds skeptically. I lean against the side of the house, listing for JJ’s response.   
“Ya, or you know around” JJ tells him.   
“Around where, cause you haven’t slept here in a while” John B laughs. “Wait, are you seeing someone?” John B asks, his tone brazen.   
“What?” JJ scoffs, but John B laughs again   
“You so are” He remarks, I hear some rustling like the sound of a chair pulling against the wooden porch.   
“Dude, tell us who?” Pope interjects suddenly.   
“Ya why are you hiding her, is she a kook?” John B asks  
“She’s not a Kook” JJ says, and my jaw drops.   
“So there is someone” Pope cheers.   
“Can we drop it?” JJ asks, and I can see the boys shaking their heads wildly in my head.   
“Come on man” John B pleads   
“Okay fine, I’m seeing someone and that’s all you guys get” JJ finally retorts, the boys cheer loudly making me smile.   
“Come on details, I need to know who in their right mind would date you” Pope mocks  
“Fuck you” JJ laughs   
“Okay, but seriously… is it serious?” John B asks.   
“Ya, I mean on my end it is” JJ responded, and my heart starts racing.   
“You don’t think it is for her?” Pope asks  
“No, we’re exclusive, but she’s… I know she’s gonna do big things with her life. She’s really fucking smart, and she cares about the world, like really cares.” JJ exclaims, I smile. “She’s better than this place”   
“so, you think she’ll outgrow you?” John B responds.   
“I don’t think she’ll mean to, I know she cares about me. but come on look at me, the cut is my life, and I don’t want it to be hers” JJ tries to explain. I flinch at the thought, the words making my stomach drop.   
“Dude you don’t know that,” Pope says   
“It’s fine, I’m not fishing for you guys to be like oh JJ you can do better. It’s a fact.” He says so casually it makes my heartache in my chest.   
“I’m just saying this girl, she’s meant for better things.” He adds.   
“Dude you’re in love” John B coos  
“Fuck off” JJ chuckles, and then they all start laughing. I lean against the wall, my mind still reeling from everything JJ just said. I never even thought he would be thinking of that or like that. The thought makes me dizzy with annoyance. I wish he knew what he was capable of. I step away from the wall and start walking again.   
“Sup Bitches” I laugh, as I step into view. They all turn to me, with smiles on their faces.   
“You didn’t have to dress up for me Kie” JJ smirks, I shove him before sitting down beside him. I let my thigh press against him.   
“Shut up, I came straight here” I defend, they all chuckle.   
“How was the party?” John B asks fixing his cap.   
“It wasn’t a party it was a lame-ass grown-up tea party” I state. I pull out the last pin in my hair, and it unravels around me.   
“That was some princess shit right there” JJ says pointing to my hair. I smile, but nudge him anyways.   
“So, about last night” John B says, and I turn to him eyes wide.   
“What?” I ask blushing profusely  
“About Lily” He clarifies   
“Oh, yes I want to know what the fuck you were thinking?” I say, making Pope snort while John B sighs loudly.   
“We didn’t do anything Kie, just made out” He shrugs   
“So you’re done with Sarah?” I ask, he winces slightly   
“She’s done with me” He shrugs nonchalantly.   
“She isn’t” I blurt, his eyes spring up to me.   
“What do you know?” He asks, and I sigh pushing my hair out of my face.   
“Nothing, never mind” I push past the topic, but he shakes his head.   
“Kie” he urges   
“I saw her today, and she asked about you” I confess  
“What did she say?” He looks at me with urging eyes   
“I think you two should talk,” I say, he sighs   
“She broke up with me” He exclaims, I nod   
“If you want closure you should talk to her” I point out. He leans back in his chair, a pained look on his face. I look over at JJ, who shrugs.   
…  
We’re all at the boneyard, drinking when I spot Lily making her way towards us.   
“Hey” She beams, her eyes skirting over me. “Love your dress” She adds excitedly   
“Oh, thanks, I hate it but…” I smile, she laughs loudly, her eyes moving quickly to John B.   
“Hey” She smiles tucking a stray bang behind her ear.   
“Hey” He smiles back  
“So, nice night right?” She exclaims. I almost cringe at the awkwardness, instead, I sip my drink.   
“Ya, super nice” He responds, and I roll my eyes. The silence stretches out, besides the loud laughter of the people around us.   
“Get her a drink man” JJ interjects, John B stands quickly.   
“Ya of course” He stammers, and I sigh. They walk off together, and I can sense the awkward tension even when they're out of sight.   
“That was…” Pope says   
“Awkward” JJ fills in, Pope nods.   
“Speaking of awkward” Pope says eyes wide, and that’s when I spot Sarah making her way towards me, Topper beside her.   
“Hey” I smile, my eyes darting between the pair. Topper’s arm is in a sling, and his eyes still has a black ring around it, with a couple scattered bruises on his face.   
“Hey” She grins “JJ, Pope” She nods at them, they nod back.   
“How are you?” I ask Topper  
“I’m getting better” he responds   
“Where’s John B?” Sarah asks, just as Lily and him walk up. Their eyes meet, and all of us stare waiting for one of them to say something. Lily looks confused, but Topper steps back a hard look on his face.   
“John B” Sarah says, her eyes hard. She has a stiff smile on her face.   
“Sarah” He nods, his face casual.   
“Who’s this?” She asks, turning her cold smile to Lily.   
“Lily” She answers extending her small hand, Sarah shakes her hand.   
“Nice to meet you” Sarah cheers, her tone extra chipper, it makes me sink into my seat.   
“You too” Lily stammers, her cheeks pink.   
“How have you been?” Sarah asks John B  
“Good, you?” He retorts, this is almost as awkward as before.   
“Fine” She nods “Anyway we’ll go, you guys have fun” She smiles linking her arm with Topper, who looks confused.   
“You two have fun too” John B calls after them. He turns back to us, his face hard.   
“What the fuck was that?” He asks me, and I shrug   
“She’s helping with his recovery” I recite the words she told me   
“Is drinking and partying part of his recovery?” He snaps, and Lily looks uncomfortable.   
“I forgot I have to go meet one of my friends,” Lily says, her eyes on me, I nod.   
“Dude” JJ chuckles once she’s a couple feet away.   
“I know, awkward” John B plops down next to me.   
“That was shitty,” I remark, he sighs  
“I know,” He says simply, He downs the rest of his drink, and I hand him mine.   
“Told you so,” I say as he downs mine  
“Ya,” He nods.   
…  
“Like what was that?” Sarah yells. Sarah called me ten minutes ago, and the whole ten minutes she’s been yelling about John B and Lily.   
“I don’t know” I respond, even though I know she’s not really looking for an answer.   
“It was to make me jealous obviously” She retorts angrily “That just shows how immature he is” She adds quickly “And he was worried about Topper!” She huffs   
“Ya” I add, picking at a loose thread on my duvet cover.   
“I’m just done with his shit, and to think I felt guilty over what!” She yells loudly, I nod even though she can’t see me   
“Maybe you two just need to talk” I suggest“No, he obviously has other things to do” She snarks, I sigh. I hear rustling and I already know it’s JJ.  
“One day, one day” She croaks, her words wobbly   
“I know it sucks but nothing happened” I console  
“Sure, he probably just hid it from you” She exclaims, her voice high, and squeaky. JJ crawls through the window, I hold up a finger to tell him I’m on the phone.   
“Sarah can we talk tomorrow, I’m super tired” I lie   
“Sure, ya of course. Night” She says   
“night” I hang up.   
“I see you’re the middleman” JJ smiles sitting down next to me.   
“It’s a nightmare” I groan “They need to talk to each other, instead I’m their lawyer,” I say, he nods   
“Sucks” He comments  
“Ya, thanks for the support,” I say sarcastically   
“Sorry, but I just got an earful from John B so” he shakes his head   
“Who would have thought that we would be mediating their relationship, or lack thereof,” I say, he chuckles lightly. He turns to me, his eyes floating over me.   
“What?” I ask   
“We haven’t had a chance to talk,” He says, and I nod   
“Did you have something specific you wanted to talk about?” I ask slightly worried.   
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay, after last night” He explains.   
“Oh” I smile, he blushes slightly and looks down. I notice he’s playing with the ring on his finger. “Last night was amazing” I assure him, he looks up his eyes filled with something I don’t recognize. “I know that it’s different since it’s your first time and I wanted to…” He stumbles, and I take his hand in mine.   
“That is very sweet of you, but trust me if I didn’t enjoy myself you’d know!” I smirk, he smiles back before pecking my lips.   
“So you don’t regret it?” He whispers against my lips. I pull back, my eyes wide with shock.   
“What?” I ask   
“I’m just wondering” He shrugs, and I push him.   
“Are you serious?” I ask, he chuckles scratching the back of his neck   
“I do not regret you JJ, honestly I’ve been thinking about you all day” I lean into him, placing a soft kiss on his neck.   
“All day?” He asks as I trail upwards.   
“All day baby” I joke, he chuckles and captures my lips. His hands move under my shirt to grip my waist.I swing my leg over him, so I’m straddling him. I take his face in mine, bringing him up into a heated kiss. He falls back onto the bed, making a giggle burst out of me. He pushes the hair that’s fallen between us out of the way.   
“You never told me what you thought of last night” I tell him, his eyes widen slightly.   
“I didn’t think I had to,” He remarks, I huff, and sit back up, he follows.   
“Of course I want to know” I explain. He reaches out, and pulls me in by the shirt.   
“Obviously last night was amazing” He says pecking my lips.   
“Well I just mean you’ve been with other people so..” I stammer, biting my lower lip. He pulls my chin up so I’m looking fully at him.   
“Last night was better than every other time” He says, and I can’t help the pride that rushes through me.   
“Best?” I ask  
“Better than the best” He grins and kisses my lips again. I push him back down again, making him chuckle.   
“But I do think I need to make sure I’m the best you ever have" He smirks before flipping us so he’s now above me. I shiver and pull him into a heated kiss.


	11. Trouble Is Brewing

If I thought I was attracted to JJ before, now it’s an outrageous amount. I can’t keep my eyes off him, every second I want his lips on mine, or other parts of me. It’s getting hard to keep my hands to myself in front of everyone. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It’s confusing and consuming. We sneak off as much as we can, anywhere we can be alone really. We’re the cliche of horny teenagers. Plus now everyone knows JJ is seeing someone, and they want to know who it is. I have to act completely shocked and outraged that he won’t say. Part of me wants to tell John B and Pope, but I'm scared it’ll ruin things. It’s an elephant in the room always, a subject we don’t even bring up. Plus things with Sarah and John B are bad, they're both trying to get under each others skin by acting perfectly fine with not being together... it’s stupid. Plus we’re stuck in the middle of it.   
“Kiara” Dad calls my name, I look up confused, he raises his eyebrows and I look down at the tray in my hands. I guess it’s all a bit distracting. I quickly rush to my table, apologizing for the wait time. It’s packed today, which is great, for my dad, not for me. I run back to grab my other plates, while dad gives me a small shake of the head. I’ve been stuck in here all day, and every minute I’m not talking to a customer I’m thinking about JJ or Sarah and John B. I rush forward grabbing the glass that was about to shatter. The woman looks at me shock on her face.   
“Sorry” She croaks, her eyes wide.   
“No problem at all” I smile politely “I’ll go get you a refill,” I say, she nods and looks back at the guy she’s with a blush on her cheeks.   
“Good catch” I hear JJ say, I turn and all three of them are at the hostess booth.   
“Hey,” I say smiling, he smiles brightly back   
“Pretty packed in here” Pope comments   
“Ya, fucking tourists” I whisper, making them laugh   
“We’re going boating, you in?” JJ asks, his eyes roaming over me. I look a mess, with apple juice all over my shorts from earlier.   
“Now?” I ask   
“When are you off?” John B asks leaning against the counter.   
“I can probably get off in twenty minutes,” I say, he nods   
“Meet us outside then?” JJ says, I smile and nod. I watch them walk out and rush over to my dad.   
“Dad, since I’ve been here since before opening is there any way I can get off now?” I ask, he sighs and looks at me   
“You’re not supposed to be off till three” He responds, and I nod  
“I know, but I promise I’ll come in early tomorrow” I smile widely at him.   
“Finish serving your last two tables and then tell Carla” he nods, I squeal and hug him quickly   
“Thank you” I smile, he nods   
“Only because you helped with the grease traps this morning,” He says, I nod. I quickly serve my tables and refill as many drinks as I can before I spot Carla.   
“Hey, I’m off Table four and six are pretty much done, just let them know you’ll be filling in,” I say, she wipes her hands on her apron.   
“Sure” She nods   
“Thank you, and if you need any coverage just let me know,” I say, she nods and waves. I throw off my apron and grab my bag from the back room. I also sneak a couple beers in a cooler from the back walk-in fridge.   
“Bye dad” I yell rushing out of the restaurant. John B, JJ and Pope are leaning against the dock post, laughing loudly at something.   
“Let’s go boys” I smile walking towards the docked boat. JJ rushes past me, jumping noisily on the boat. He holds out his hand for me, and I smile taking it to help me get in. Everyone piles in after me. I open the cooler and pass around the beers, opening one for myself. I peel off my stain filled shirt, thank god I wear my bathing suit under everything. My phone rings out, and I quickly grab it.   
“Hello” I answer without looking.   
“Hey” Sarah responds, I look at John B, who’s laughing with Pope. “Where are you?” She asks   
“I’m on the boat, is something wrong?” I ask her  
“No, sorry I just need to talk” She explains, I nod even though she can’t see me.   
“Oh, okay I can come over after?” I offer  
“Yes, please” She agrees   
“Okay, I’ll text you when I’m on my way,” I say  
“Perfect thanks, and have fun,” She says before hanging up.   
“Sarah?” JJ asks quietly, I nod.   
“She wanted to talk,” I tell him, he nods   
“About John B I’m assuming” he states  
“Probably” I nod in agreement.   
“I’m anchoring here,” John B says, I look around and we’re out pretty far. I chuck off my shorts and place my beer down before jumping into the refreshing water. I feel an echo of splashes after me. I pop up and start floating on my back. I feel myself being pulled back under, and I squeak. I jolt upwards, and I can see JJ laughing loudly.   
“Fuck you” I cough wiping the water from my eyes. He grips my waist, and I kick back trying to pull away from him.   
“Pope watch” JJ calls, as he lifts me slightly out of the water, and tosses me sideways. A loud giggle escapes my lips just before I hit the water. I swim up as quick as possible, pushing my hair from my face. I swim towards JJ who’s laughing loudly, while he treads water. I grip his shoulders, and use his body as leverage to sink him under. Pope grins wickedly before pulling me under with JJ. We both pop up laughing.   
…  
I’m still wet when John B drops me off at Sarah’s dock. I wring out my hair as I walk towards the house. It was definitely weird asking him to drop me off, but he didn’t really seem angry or upset when I asked him. He’s probably gonna ask me later what she wanted to talk about. I text her letting her know I’m out back, her response is quick. She texted back telling me to come right up to her room. I open the back door awkwardly, and quickly rush upstairs my footsteps echoing off the marble floors. I knock twice before I open her door. Sarah’s on her bed, typing something ferociously on her phone.   
“Hey” I smile, she looks up and gives me a small smile before looking back down.   
“Sorry just a second,” She says distractedly, I nod. I realized I haven’t been in her bedroom since ninth grade, it looks the same, besides the posters of one direction being gone. She finally puts her phone down, her face hard.   
“Sit” She pats the bed  
“I’m still wet from swimming” I explain, she shrugs   
“It’s fine” She assures me, patting the bed again. I move to sit beside her. She looks at me, her eyes wide and uncertain.   
“What?” I ask, she bites her lip and turns away from me.   
“I need you to be my friend,” She says  
“I thought I already was” I comment, her face falls   
“Please, just be my friend,” she says, and now I start to get a weird feeling. This had to do with John B.   
“Okay” I nod, she shifts, her eyes darting around the room. I notice she’s cracking her knuckles nervously.   
“So you know the reason that John B and I broke up,” She says, I nod “Well it wasn’t…” She stumbles before standing up quickly to pace the room.   
“You can’t hate me” She states “I’m serious Kie, please” She urges and I nod  
“Just tell me” I insist, starting to panic slightly.   
“I kissed Topper” She blurts loudly, I stare mouth open. “Please don’t yell, I know it’s terrible” She groans plopping down beside me.   
“When?” I ask “Did you kiss him?” I add.   
“It was after we broke up,” She says “I was upset and annoyed that he didn’t trust me and Topper was comforting me and it just happened” She explains   
“You kissed Topper because you were upset John B was jealous?” I ask flabbergasted.   
“Hey, no judgement!” She comments   
“I’m confused!” I defend, she shrugs   
“I don’t know,” She says   
“Well even though I think it’s stupid you didn’t cheat on him,” I tell her, she nods “What’s the issue?” I ask still confused at why she was freaking out.   
“Topper asked me out” She says, and my eyebrows touch my hairline.   
“And?” I ask, waiting for her to tell me what she said.   
“I don’t know….” She exclaims loudly.   
“Do you want to?” I ask, feeling a little annoyed. I just hate the thought that John B was right to be worried and then he’d find out and feel even worse.   
“Is it bad that I say I don’t know?” She asks, and I bite my tongue “I know he’s done shitty things but so have I and I just think he’s changed” She explains. I try not to show the shock on my face.   
“I can’t tell you what to do Sarah, but you also can’t expect me not to tell John B” She explains, and her eyes widen   
“I kept your secret,” She says, her tone hard  
“It’s different, you guys just broke up,” I tell her, she huffs an annoyed look on her face.   
“Just leave then” She explains,  
“Seriously,” I ask, she nods her face stiff   
“I can be there for you, but you can’t be there for me?” She exclaims angrily, I stand up.   
“John B and I have been friends for a long time, Sarah, I can keep something like that from him because it’s not fair” I retort   
“Really, you seem to be keeping a big secret right now!” She snaps, a harsh look on her face.   
“Are you serious right now, you know why I’m keeping that a secret” I say, my anger growing.   
“Cause you’re scared that he’ll end it after you tell them,” She says, and my jaw drops.   
“And you’re not scared? You’re using Topper because you’re too scared to be with John B. Because you’re scared of anything real!” I yell back, her eyes widen and her face goes slack.   
“Get out” She snaps   
“With pleasure” I snap back angrily. I rush out of the house, bumping into Rafe on the way out.   
“Watch it” He snaps  
“Fuck off” I groan pushing past him. I’m so angry I can’t see straight. Sarah’s words echo in my head. I wasn’t scared of that… was I?! Would he leave me once they found out? I walk to my house, my mind racing the whole way.   
…  
I’ve been in bed all day, my fight with Sarah stuck in my head. I feel the weight of her words, maybe I was scared he’d leave once it became real. He’s the type of guy that scares easy. What if I’m just a secret hookup for him, and I’ve fallen into it so easily. I’d be devastated. I’m trying to focus on the Office playing on my TV, but my phone rings out loudly. Pope’s name flashes on the screen, and I debate on whether to pick it up. I sigh before answering.   
“What?” I ask  
“Nice greeting” Pope responded  
“Sorry, what do you want?” I ask again, feeling snippy.   
“Where are you?” He asks  
“At my house” I answer  
“Why?” He asks  
“Why not”   
“What’s wrong with you?” I shut my eyes tightly, guilt slowly pouring out of me.   
“Sorry,” I say “I’m just not in the best mood” I explain   
“Why?” He asks stiffly.   
“It’s nothing” I assure “Where are you?” I ask as I hear loud laughter behind him.   
“John B saw Topper and Sarah together on what looked like a date, he’s pretty wasted right now” He explains the loud laughter. I sit up in my bed.   
“Shit,” I say “Is he okay?” I ask   
“No, he’s definitely not okay” Pope answers “JJ’s trying to convince him not to go swimming piss drunk” Pope adds, I sigh.   
“Where are you guys?” I ask   
“The chateau,” Pope says “Is that Kie?” I hear John B’s voice   
“Kie” John B calls again more clearly   
“Hey John B,” I say, as I hear rustling on the other end   
“Hey, I miss you” He coo’s his words luring together  
“Are you okay?” I ask  
“Of course, I’m happy, but where are you?” He huffs  
“I’m on my way,” I tell him, standing up to put some pants on.   
“Kay Kay” he says before hanging up. I grab my keys and bag and rush downstairs.   
…  
When I get to the chateau, I can hear John B singing loudly in the back. I rush over, freezing once I see John B dating and Singing wildly.   
“It’s the eye of the tiger, it’s the thrill of the night” He yells, his voice cracking. JJ and Pope are sitting down watching with amused eyes.   
“Hey” I call, and all of them turn. John B smiles widely, running over to me and pulling me into a tight hug.   
“Kie” He lifts me, I squeal slightly.   
“Where have you been?” He asks placing me back down.   
“Home,” I say, he groans pulling towards the other two.   
“Guys Kie is here,” He says, making me chuckle.   
“Someones had a couple drinks” I comment, he chuckles.   
“Yes, guess why?” He says as I sit down between Pope and JJ.   
“Topper and Sarah?” I ask, his eyes widen and he smiles   
“Yes” He nods “How did you know?” He asks   
“I’ll tell you when you’re not so drunk” I explain, he groans   
“What?” He slurs, I shake my head   
“You wanna share your drinks?” I ask, he nods handing me a beer.  
“So who wants to see my rendition of Toxic by Brittany Spears?” John B asks, a smirk on his face.   
“I definitely do” I nod, smirking into my beer. John B starts belting the lyrics out loudly while dancing what I think is provocative, I honestly don’t know. All of us are laughing loudly.   
“Are you okay?” JJ whispers  
“Fine” I nod  
“You sure?” He asks quietly. A pang hits my chest as I think of him ending things. I sip my beer to give me some time before I answer. I don’t know if I should bring it up.   
“I’m fine,” I say instead, he nods but he doesn’t look convinced.   
“Watch me!” John B yells at us, we both turn and laugh as he starts grinding on the grass.   
“No” I cry as he sings louder, his voice cracking again.   
“Yes” He yells back beckoning me over. I laugh so hard, my stomach cramps.   
“come on Kie” he winks, I shake my head, but then he rushes over grabbing my hands. I sway my hips and he nods spinning me around.   
“You’re toxic, I’m slippin under” I sing loudly.   
…  
“I love you Kie” John B slurs as I help him to his bed   
“You love everyone right now” I smile, as he leans further into me. He bumps into the couch, and we sway slightly.   
“oops” He chuckles. We’re finally in his room, and I help him down to his bed. He holds my hip so I fall down with him. Our heads collide lightly and I groan.   
“Shit,” John B says, his hands going to hold my face.   
“It’s okay,” I say about to get up, but he holds me still.   
“Let me see” He slurs, his eyes travelling over my face. His hand moves to where my forehead hit his chin, and he gently runs his finger over it.   
“I’m okay” I assure making a move to get up, but he shakes his head.   
“You’re my best friend,” He says randomly  
“I know” I laugh, his eyes become intense, and I blush a weird feeling washing over me. I go to pull back the intensity becoming too much, but he quickly brings me back down, his lips connecting with mine. I quickly scramble backwards, my heart beating loudly.   
“What the fuck?” I ask, as he springs up, his eyes wide   
“Shit” He mumbles, I shake my head   
“I’m gonna go, you get some sleep,” I say before running outside. My heart is pounding, as I jump into my car.   
“Shit” I yell to myself hitting my steering wheel. “Shit, shit, shit” I mumble, leaning my head against the window.


	12. Close Call

I’m in bed laying stiffly on my side. I’m waiting for JJ to climb through the window, my heart beating so loudly I’m scared he’ll hear it. I hear the familiar rustle as he climbs in, he grunts lowly and I shut my eyes.   
“Kie, you awake” He whispers, as he crawls in beside me. I don’t move, instead, I let out a small huff of air. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me so my back is flush again his chest. He kisses the side of my neck lightly before laying his head back down. I open my eyes staring straight ahead at the picture on my wall. Guilt boils inside of me, as the image of John B kissing me pops into my head. I don’t know what to do, or say, I’m just so shocked art everything that happened. I let my hand move to intertwine my fingers with his. He moves closer, and I melt back into him. I have to tell him tomorrow morning, I’d want to know if someone kissed him. I just don’t know if I should talk to John B first, see why he did it, what he was thinking. I groan quietly, knowing there is no way I’m going to sleep tonight.  
…  
I was right I hadn’t slept at all, my eyes are sore and I can feel the heaviness of my under-eyes. JJ lets out a huff of air, as he turns over his arm dropping over my middle. His eyes are still closed, but I know he’s waking up by the way his fingers flex, and close tightly. I turn my head, watching as he yawns, his eyes still softly shut. I start scratching his arm slowly, he hums lightly, as his head drops to face me. He opens his eyes slowly, a small smile spreading over his face. He bites his lower lip lightly before letting out a long yawn.   
“What time is it?” He asks, his voice hoarse with sleep.   
“Six-thirty” I respond quietly, he raises his eyebrow, and yawns again.   
“Why are you up?” He questioned, rubbing at his eyes.   
“I couldn’t sleep” I admit, he looks at me his eyes squinted.   
“What’s wrong?” He sits up slightly, leaning back on his elbows. I sit up fully, bringing a pillow to my chest. His face drops, as he notices my serious face. “Is it bad?” He inquires, his tone quiet.   
“I need you to listen to the full story first,” I tell him, he sits up now, and nods.   
“Just tell me” He nods again, like he knows what I’m going to say.   
“You remember how drunk John B was last night, obviously” I start, he looks confused, but he nods anyway. “Well I was helping him into bed because he almost passed out on the porch,” I say   
“Ya when I took Pope home right” He questions,   
“Ya” I agree “So, I took him to his bed, and we tripped, it was dark” I explain, his face contorts slightly. I look down at my hands, my heart racing.   
“He told me I was his best friend, and he kissed me” I rush out, my words sort of blending together. I finally look up at him. He’s staring straight ahead, his face stiff, and frozen.   
“I’m sorry” I whispered, and he looks towards me, his eyes filled with something I can’t decipher.   
“You're sorry?” He asks, his tone monotoned. “So..” He coughs, his eyes downcast. “So, you liked it then?” He looks back up at me, his eyes hard. I stare back shocked, my mouth slightly open.   
“Okay, I get it. It’s fine I understand” He stands, looking scattered. He looks around the room, like he’s looking for something. He shakes his head slightly and looks back at me. He bites his lower lip, as he runs a hand through his hair. He moves to leave, and I quickly shout “Stop” He turns back, his eyes cold.   
“I said it’s fine” He nods curtly, but I shake my head standing up quickly.   
“No, no I didn’t..” I stumbled forward, and he turns quickly reaching out to stable me. “Fuck” I groan, and he looks even more confused.   
“You’re not mad?” I ask, beyond confused. His face falls, and he pulls his hands away from me and takes a step back.   
“No, I get it. I’m glad you told me” He says stiffly “Don’t worry I won’t tell him about us” He adds, and my heart feels like it’s being squeezed tightly.   
“You’re so dumb” I breathe, his eyes widen immensely   
“Nice… okay” He starts but I put my hand up, and he stops   
“You seriously think I’m leaving you for John B?” I inquire, my mind reeling, he tilts his head and looks awkwardly at me.   
“I’m confused” He says, and I laugh, but it’s more of a bark.   
“You thought I would just leave you, like you meant nothing, just a filler?” I ask again, he blushes slightly and doesn’t respond. “JJ, you need a fucking reality check” I state, my confidence coming back.   
“So the kiss..” He stops, as if I’m gonna fill out the rest of the sentence.   
“The kiss meant nothing,” I tell him, stepping closer. He looks perturbed. “I want you JJ, not John B. I told you about the kiss because I felt bad” I explain, he purses his lips slightly, making me smile.   
“You don’t want to be with John B?” He quips   
“No, I love John B, he’s one of my best friends but I don’t feel the way I feel around you around him” I declare  
“Honestly I only sort of got that” He says, making me laugh lightly.   
“Okay then I put it simply for you” I smirk taking his face in my hands, and capturing his lips with mine. His hands circle my waist, bringing me closer to him.   
“That I get” He breathes as we break apart.   
“I’m mad that you thought I’d just leave you like that” I exclaim, he looks sheepish.   
“I kind of just expected it” He muses, and my stomach lurches. I card my fingers through his hair and peck his lips lightly.   
“Don’t expect that anymore” I whisper against his lips. He leans his head against mine, sighing deeply.   
“Okay” He mumbles. “wait, John B kissed you” He muses, stepping backward  
“Ya, I don’t know what to do?” I admit, moving to sit back on the bed.   
“Any way you think it was just some drunk thing?” He asks, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear.   
“I’m hoping” I nod   
“I think we have to tell them about us” JJ says, and my heart flips.   
“You want to?” I ask  
“Ya, I want them to know, and this sneaking around although hot is getting old” He mutters, staring off.   
“You think they’ll hate us?” I ask, he turns back to me, his smile dropped.   
“I hope not” he says, and I nod.   
…  
I freeze just before I knock on John B’s door, my nerves spiking. What was I suppose to say to him? What if he did mean it, what if he likes me..? I shut my eyes and take a steadying breath before knocking loudly on his door. I hear rustling behind the door, before it’s pulled open. John B stands there sleep still evident in his eyes. His eyes are droopy, and his hair is mused.   
“Hey” I comment, he groans leaving the door open as he walks back to his bed. I walk in and shut the door.   
“Why did you knock, you could have just come in” He mumbles, his voice gravelly.   
“Sorry” I say. I left out the part of being nervous that he wouldn’t want to talk to me, or that it was more appropriate.   
“I’m dead Kie, literally dead” He muses bouncing back down on his bed, I feel my nerves spike again.   
“What do you mean?” I ask   
“I drank so much yesterday, I feel like I’m dead” He groans flipping over, covering his eyes with his arm.   
“Ya, you got pretty wasted” I agree, he peeks at me from under his arm, before groaning again.   
“So about last night” I start, my heart racing.   
“What did I do, was is severely embarrassing?” He asks, sitting up.   
“You don’t remember anything,” I ask in disbelief, he shakes his head.   
“I think I blacked out” He laughs, I nod.   
“Oh, okay” He gives me a weird look, and his eyes travel down to my lips. I blush and look down.   
“What happened?” He asks  
“Nothing too bad” I nod reassuringly   
“Kie, what happened?” He insists.  
“It’s totally not a big deal” I affirm, he nods. “But you kissed me” I shrug. His eyes dart away from me, a pink tint on his cheeks.   
“Ya, that I do remember,” He says more to himself.   
“You do?” I ask, he looks back at me, his eyes traveling over my face.   
“Ya,” He breathes out “I’m sorry Kie, I know it was weird” He says, his face filled with panic. “It was so stupid of me” He adds  
“It’s okay… really!” I insist, he shakes his head slowly.   
“So no weirdness,” He asks,  
“None what so ever, you were drunk, we’ve all done stupid things when drunk” I defend, he laughs.   
“Okay, good” he sighs in relief, I smile.   
“Hey, I also wanted to talk to you about Sarah” I say, sitting down beside him. He plops back down sighing loudly.   
“She’s with Topper right?” He states  
“No, well they kissed and he asked her out” I confess, he shoots back up his eyes wide.   
“She told you?”   
“Ya, I told her I couldn’t keep it from you, and we kind of fought. Then you were piss drunk…” I stop, he smiles lightly.   
“Then made a complete fool of myself again” He chuckles   
“No, only a little bit” I laugh back.   
“So I was right about Sarah and Topper” He nods to himself, I reach out to squeeze his hand.   
“I’m sorry, that really sucks” I muse, he shrugs   
“Now I can move on” he states firmly,  
“With Lily?” I laugh, he shoves me laughing lightly.   
…  
“So they’re done, done?” Pope asks me, as John B and JJ go to get some drinks.   
“That’s what he said, and honestly I kind of think he means it” I state, Pope, sighs.   
“I wouldn’t go back to her after this” Pope says leaning back against the tree trunk.   
“Love’s weird, it’s easy to forgive someone when you love them” I defend, he gives me a weird look. “What?” I ask  
“You in love?” He chuckles   
“No, I’m just saying. I think it’s different when you’re actually the person in love” I tell him  
“I guess it does fuck with your endorphins” Pope agrees making me laugh   
“Beers brah” JJ jumps in, holding out a red solo cup to me.   
“Thanks brah” I mock, he grins handing Pope the other cup.  
“John B is preoccupied” JJ laughs pointing back. We all turn and notice him laughing with Lily.   
“I thought she’d be done with him after the last time” Pope laughs, JJ shrugs   
“Hormones” JJ winks, making me laugh.   
“Basically she thinks he’s hot” Pope asks   
“Ya” I nod, he nods back.   
“So did you hear?” JJ asks Pope, he shakes his head   
“John B kissed Kiara” JJ laughs, my jaw drops and I shove him   
“What?” I stammer, he grins   
“John B told me about his drunken mishap” JJ explains, and my heart slows down.   
“He kissed you?” Pope asks, his eyes wide and amused.   
“He was drunk and mad at Sarah” I defend quickly,  
“So did you like it?” Pope asks, his face serious   
“No, John B and I are just friends” I exclaim not looking at JJ.   
“Oh” Pope comments weary   
“What?” I huff, he shrugs. “Come on, now you have to tell me” I exclaim, he looks over at JJ, and they share a look.   
“I guess we just thought you liked him” Pope explains. I grip my cup tighter, the liquid sloshing. I stare between them confused.   
“You guys thought I was into John B” I glare at JJ, who sips his drink looking away from me.   
“We thought you guys had a flirtation” Pope interjects, and I turn my glare to him.   
“Flirtation, seriously?” I breathe, he shrugs   
“honestly lately not so much, before Sarah I guess,” Pope says  
“When, how was I flirty?” I ask, trying to rack my brain for memories of us flirting.   
“You just always thought of him first, and you were worried about him a lot, we’re not saying anything bad” Pope defends JJ and him.   
“I was being his friend!” I contest  
“Okay, sheesh” Pope laughs  
“I’m annoyed, because you’re all my friends and I care about all of you, I am not into John B” I explain, Pope nods.   
“I get that... now” Pope says, making me groan.   
“You are both children” I state, making them both chuckle.   
“We know you care about us Kie, don’t worry” JJ winks, and I glare. I sip my drink, as they laugh loudly together. I try to think of a time when I chose John B over them, a memory pops into my head.  
~  
“Come on we have to go” JJ protests, as we all pile into the car. We had just finished surfing, JJ was teaching how to ride the wave till the end. It was exhausting but he’s a good teacher and I almost have it down. “No, we can’t” John B says, his eyes panicked.   
“Why not” Pope interjects, John B turns, his eyebrows raised. I know he doesn't really have a reason besides not wanting to be around Bailey, so he just glares. Bailey and John B went out twice. John B found her boring so he hasn’t called her since, now he’s avoiding her.   
“We can’t go to Bailey’s party” He exclaims, his eyes moving to me. I wanted to go, but I didn’t say anything, just letting them discuss it. I didn’t feel like getting involved.   
“Just because you ghosted her doesn’t mean we can’t go” JJ says, his eyes wide “If I avoided all the girls I.. well you know we’d be very bored” JJ quips, a smirk on his face.   
“Ew” I say, even though the words sent a punch through me. My feelings for JJ have gotten stronger, even though I’ve been trying to get him out of my head. It’s not like I could ignore him, he’s one of my best friends.   
“Sorry, but I’m just saying, all of us want to go” JJ explains, Pope nods feverishly behind him.   
“Kie doesn’t,” John B says, I nod automatically, like it’s a habit. JJ looks back at Pope, his eyes wide, and they both sigh.   
“Fine, at least let me get high” JJ quips sarcastically, taking out his vape.  
~   
I remember agreeing because I didn’t really care, but looking back maybe I agreed out of the habit of always taking his side. JJ and Pope are laughing, as they fill Pope's pants with sand, and I can’t help but smile. I notice John B walking back with Lily, a wide smile on his face.   
“Hey” I smile up at the pair, Lily blushes and smiles back.  
“So I’m leaving you guys the van, Lily and I are gonna hang out for a bit” He blushes, his eyes on mine.   
“Cool” JJ comments, John B nods. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” JJ calls after them   
“That’s not a lot” Pope calls after them laughing. JJ shoves him, but he looks amused. I place my cup in the sand beside me.   
“I have an idea” I say, they both turn to me curious. “You guys want to fill John B’s bed with sand?” I ask, both of their faces go slack.   
“Seriously?” JJ asks   
“Ya, as payback for the kiss, and you know fun” I explain, they turn to each other, debating without words.   
“Fuck ya” Pope laughs as they spring up.   
“Okay we have buckets in the car” I smile extending my hand so they can help me up, they do.   
“I love a vengeful Kie” JJ grins biting his lip before he looks me up and down. My body blushes, and my staunch coils tightly with desire. I push the not too friendly thoughts away, as we rush off to the van.   
…  
“He is going to hate us” I laugh as we sneak up to my room. We just dropped Pope off after filling John B’s bed up with Sand, a surprisingly easy task. JJ’s hand goes to my back guiding me forward.   
“Especially if he brings Lily back to his place” JJ laughs quietly, I chuckle, and suddenly I’m tripping over the carpet in the hall. I brace myself for the impact, but JJ’s grabs me quickly.   
“Shit” I breathe, he smirks.   
“Watch out” He laughs steadying me.   
“I will now” I say, as we continue forward.   
“Kiara” I hear my parents door open, and we both freeze like a deer in headlights. Mom steps out, her eyes filled with sleep, my heart falls into my stomach, as Dad comes out behind her. Their eyes zero in on JJ, and mom’s jaw drops. Dad’s face fills with anger, and I just about shit myself.   
“This isn’t what it looks like” I blurt, my heart racing, mom’s hands go to her hips.   
“Explain, now” She barks, her words echoing down the hall.   
“JJ left something in my room, he was just gonna grab it and then go” I make up remarkably fast. Their faces fall just an inch, making me breathe a sigh of relief.   
“It’s past midnight, he couldn’t get it tomorrow?” Dad’s voice booms   
“It was his house keys” I say, their eyes turn into slits.   
“Why are his house keys in your room?” Mom asks  
“He left them earlier by accident when they helped me move my dresser” I tell her, she turns to JJ who looks embarrassed.   
“Show us” Dad bellows, and I put my hand behind my back, as JJ places the keys in my hand gently, so gently as to not rustle the metal keychain.   
“Fine” I nod heading to my room. I head to my bedside table and act like I’m picking them up.   
“Here” I say opening my palm with the keys in them, JJ smirks.   
“Next time wait till morning” Mom comments her eyes darting between us.   
“Ya I’ll let him sleep in his backyard” I exclaim, she huffs and my dad looks skeptical.   
“I’ll walk you out JJ” Dad says, JJ nods rubbing the back of his neck.   
“See you tomorrow Kie” JJ smiles before heading out of my room with my parents. When the door shuts I let out the breath I’ve been holding. Fuck, that was close...


	13. Truth Time

JJ and I have been extra careful lately since mom and dad have been suspicious of us. They make sure to check in every night, secretly looking around for him. Plus John B and Pope have kind of noticed a change in behaviour towards each other. They always look at us with this weird knowing look whenever we talk directly to each other. Plus John B has been seeing Lily who has it convinced that we would make the cutest couple, and I have to act nonchalant every time. JJ and I have decided that we have to tell them, it’ll be easier once we do. We both seem to chicken out every time they look at us.   
“Kie” Pope calls, I turn, and he chuckles.   
“We’re here,” He says and I now notice we’re parked. I quickly jump out grabbing my bag, Pope passes me my surfboard.   
“Sorry” I mumble, he shrugs. John B And JJ are up ahead, they’re holding their surfboards while chasing each other down the beach.   
“You okay?” Pope asks as we walk side by side. I look at him, and he looks worried.   
“Can I ask you something?” I ask, he nods.   
“Do you think that friends can date and it not be weird to the other friends” I blurt, he looks confused, and I feel the family panic burst through me. “I’m asking because I’ve been thinking about how you thought I had a crush on John B” I explain quickly, he nods.   
“So you do have a crush on John B?” He asks   
“No” I urge “No, I just mean, would that have bothered you if I wanted to be with him?” I ask, he looks away from me  
“Why do you think it would only bother me?” He asks and I sigh  
“No, I mean would It be weird to you and JJ if we dated, or if I dated JJ just say” I try to explain, he nods and looks like he finally understands my question   
“I think it would be an adjustment, but I wouldn’t hate you or John B or JJ or whatever” He laughs   
“I wouldn’t hate you if you wanted to date John B either” I joke, he shoves me and I laugh.   
“Why were you worried about it?” He asks, and I shrug nonchalantly.   
“I was just thinking if it would be weird or not, sometimes relationships can ruin friendships” I explain  
“Ya sure but that’s with every relationship not just in our friend group,” He says, and I nod.   
“So, I have another question?” I say, and he turns to me   
“Who are you into because I think it’s time I set you up,” I say, and he laughs, his cheeks pinking up.   
“I’m fine” He exclaims   
“Come on, you don’t find anyone attractive?” I ask, he shrugs   
“Okay well what is your type?” I ask, he turns back to me, his eyes roaming over me.   
“I don’t have one” He mumbles looking away, I sigh.   
“I’ll figure it out,” I say before I rush off into the water to catch up to JJ and John B.   
…  
“We should definitely go back” I stammer, as his lips latch onto my neck. My skin burns as his hand circles my waist pulling me closer to him. We snuck off a couple minutes ago and now we’re making out behind a bunch of trees. I shut my eyes and suck in a breath as JJ trails kisses across my neck. I lean back letting, and I can feel his smile against the skin of my neck. I pull his face up to meet mine, capturing his lips. He groans into my mouth as he pushes us back into the tree. We were getting carried away but my brain is too foggy to stop. I let my hands trail down his bare torso, my fingernails digging into his skin, as he deepens the kiss. I pull away my breathing rapid, his eyes are hazy, and his lips are swollen making me groan lightly.   
“We should stop” I breath, my skin still on fire. He nods biting down on his lower lip. He makes a move to pull away, his eyes still a bit dazed, but I pull him back connecting out lips. He lets out a gasp but quickly recovers. His hand moves to the back of my neck holding me steady. His other hand travels down my side, making goosebumps break out onto my skin. He breaks away sucking in a breath. I can feel his breath against my lips, and desire coils through me making my brain fog over. I let my lips trail down his neck, as his grip tightens on my waist, his fingers digging into my hips deliciously. He lets out a breath, and it comes out squeaky and needy, egging me on.   
“Guys” John B’s voice breaks the fog making me push JJ backwards. He stumbles slightly before turning around quickly. John B and Pope are standing five feet away, mouths open. My heart hammers against my ribs, and I stand frozen in place.   
“Um” JJ stammers, his cheeks pink. Pope looks between us, his eyes landing back on mine.   
“This is what you were talking about” he comments, JJ turns to me a confused look on his face.   
“It’s not, we were just” I stop the words making no sense. I look over at JJ helplessly, he scratches the back of his neck.   
“We’re together and we’ve been hiding it” JJ admits. John B’s mouth still hangs open while Pope looks stiff and uncomfortable.   
“We were going to tell you guys, we just didn’t know how” JJ adds, his tone soft.   
“How long?” Pope asks, and I look down at my feet.   
“Since the start of summer” JJ answer  
“Over a month” John B finally speaks, I look up and his eyes are on mine.   
“We wanted to figure things out first” I finally speak, my tone higher than usual.   
“What did you guys figure out?” Pope asks, I turn to JJ, who seems to step closer to me, his body now next to mine.   
“It’s early still, but we’re together, exclusively,” JJ says looking down at his hands, the tips of his ears pink.   
“So girlfriend boyfriend, kissing and all of that?” John B asks, his face contorted.   
“Ya” I nod, he nods turning to Pope.   
“Okay,” John B says, and Pope nods in agreement.   
“Annoyed that you guys have been hiding it but it’s your business,” Pope says “Just don’t let it fuck up.. this” He points at all of us.   
“Seriously?” JJ asks, his tone in disbelief   
“Honestly I’m still shocked I wasn’t expecting this, but sure ya” John B nods his eyes spaced.   
“Okay,” I say, he looks at me, his eyes travelling over my face.   
“Back to surfing then?” John B asks, I nod and so does JJ.   
…  
The day has definitely been weird, Pope and John B seem apprehensive which I guess will stop with time. I don’t even feel comfortable touching JJ so it feels like we still have to hide, but now it’s awkward.   
“Lily’s having a house party, you guys down?” John B asks as we pile into the car. Pope sits up front, and JJ and I sit in the backseat.   
“Sure, I need a drink” JJ retorts, John B smiles. The drive to Lily’s is quiet, no one is saying anything, so I decide to reach for JJ’s hand to give it a reassuring squeeze.   
“Does that mean Kie was the girl you told us about?” Pope suddenly interjects his head turned toward us. JJ’s eyes bulge and I have to act intrigued like I hadn’t overheard.   
“Ya” JJ nods, Pope looks between us.   
“This is weird,” Pope says still staring, I laugh   
“We could make out make it even weirder?” I joke, John B laughs   
“No please I’ve seen JJ make out with enough people” Pope comments, making JJ sigh.   
“Nothing changed, we’re not the kind of couple that would make out in front of you guys?” JJ explains leaning back into the seat.   
“But you guys are a couple” John B exclaims   
“Well ya, but still we’ve been acting normal for a month now,” I say, he nods   
“It’s just different” Pope defends, I nod. The van goes quiet again, the soft music filtering out of the radio is the only noise…  
“So have you two had sex?” Pope asks and all of us start laughing loudly. “Too much?” He asks, as I throw a discarded tee at him.   
…  
Lily is definitely rich, her house is huge. People are everywhere, scattered from her front lawn to her back.   
“She’s rich” JJ comments, as he drapes his arm over my shoulder, I smile.   
“I guess so,” I say even I didn’t know.   
“She’s a kook,” Pope says, and John B shrugs.   
“Sarah was a Kook too” JJ adds, and Pope nods.   
“You like your girls rich man” Pope slaps him on the shoulder making me laugh.   
“Plus you kissed Kiara and she’s rich” Pope adds making JJ laugh along, I shove him.   
“Shut up,” John B says as we start walking inside. We have to push past a couple making out on the front door, yes on it. The music is so loud you can feel it through the floorboards.   
“I think she’s outback” John B yells, and we follow him outback. It’s quieter outside but not by much.   
“John B” I hear Lily yell, we all turn and she comes rushing over. She’s wearing a very sheer white dress with a pink bathing suit underneath.   
“You guys made it” She smiles at all of us, her eyes catching on JJ’s arm around me.   
“Drinks are over there, and ya that’s pretty much it” She giggles, her cheeks pink.   
“Nice house,” John B tells her, she shrugs.   
“It’s alright” She responded, he looks taken back.   
“Drinks?” I ask Pope and JJ, they both nod. We head over to the built-in bar outback.   
“Kie” I hear behind me, I turn and spot Sarah, Topper trailing behind her. We haven’t talked since that day.   
“Sarah” I freeze, Pope and JJ beside me. She looks over at them, a small smile on her face.   
“How are you?” She asks as Topper places his hand on her lower back.   
“Fine, you?” I ask automatically  
“Good” She nods, and the awkward tension fills the space between us. She locks in on JJ’s arm around me.   
“I see you two came out” She comments, and I nod   
“You knew?” Pope asks  
“Guessed it” She corrects, he nods  
“Any way have fun, and I’ll see you around” She smiles back at me, I don’t say anything just stare after her as her and Topper walk off.   
“That was hella awkward,” JJ says I sigh. I look over at John B whose eyes are locked on Sarah and Topper, his face frozen in a look of disbelief.   
“Could you guys get drinks I’ll go talk to John B” I say, they nod. I rush over to him, and notice Lily is giggling to herself.   
“Hey,” I say, Lily smiles. “I’m drunk,” She says, and I nod.   
“Could I talk to John B for a second?” I ask her, she blushes and nods. I take his hand pulling him further away from the house.   
“Are you okay?” I ask him, he nods.   
“I just didn’t expect it” He explains, his eyes anywhere but on me.   
“I’m sorry, that really sucks,” I say placing my hand on his arm, he finally looks at me. He pulls away, his face turning hard.   
“I’m okay, I’m over Sarah, but thank you” He nods and I stare as he walks back to Lily, my eyes wide. What the fuck was that?!  
…  
JJ and John B are playing Beer pong, as Pope and I sit with our feet in the pool.   
“I’m sorry” I blurt, he turns to me confused. “About JJ and I” I explain  
“You already apologized Kie, it’s fine” He smiles kindly at me. I turn back to John B The weird feeling from earlier back.   
“I think John B is mad, he completely blew me off earlier,” I say, Pope looks back as well.   
“Maybe he’s just trying not to cross a boundary” Pope defends   
“That's worse cause now he’s acting weird, plus all I wanted was to see if he was okay” I exclaim, Pope nods.   
“I think he was just thrown with the Sarah thing” Pope responds.   
“Ya,” I say back. I stare off into the water, watching as it ripples outwards as I move my legs.   
“Can I ask you something” Pope blurts   
“Sure” I turn to him curious.   
“Why JJ?” He asks, and I’m a bit shocked at the question, I wasn’t expecting that. I turn to face John B and JJ, who are smiling brightly at each other.   
“Honestly?” I ask   
“Of course” Pope nods   
“I’ve liked JJ for a while now, but I never thought we’d ever try. Honestly, I never thought he’d see me in that way.” I start, Pope shakes his head  
“I guess I can’t answer the why fully, but I can say that it feels right” I add “Being with him feels right”   
“He’s comforting, and sweet, and” I continue   
“If you say hot, I’ll vomit” Pope interjects making me giggle.   
“No I wasn’t, he is hot though, but he’s just… JJ” I try to explain, words failing me.   
“He is JJ” Pope agrees smiling I shove him  
“Thank you,” I tell him  
“For”   
“For being you and for being so understanding,” I say, he nods smiling. I lean my head on his shoulder. “You’re a really good friend” I muse, he leans his head on top of mine making me smile. At least he wasn’t being awkward, he was being Pope.   
…  
I crawl into my bedroom window with JJ quietly, it’s three in the morning so I know my parents are asleep, and I know they have to leave early to catch the fairy. JJ stumbles in behind me, I shush him, and he grins widely at me. I move to lock my door, as JJ gets into bed. I take off my shoes and shorts before I jump in after him. JJ hums as I tuck myself into his arm. He’s a bit tipsy right now, so he’s already shutting his eyes.   
“We’re boyfriend and girlfriend” He mutters quietly   
“You just now realized” I quip, making him snort.   
“I mean officially, in public” He explains his words slightly slurred.   
“Yes,” I nod draping my arm across his middle. He pulls me in closer, kissing the top of my head.   
“I’m glad you’re my girlfriend” He whispers drunkenly, I smile to myself.   
“I’m glad you’re my boyfriend” I respond before I hear his soft snores fill the room. Today was really weird and awkward, but being here with him it feels good, he always makes me feel better. I try not to think of John B’s weird reaction, letting myself drift off, tucked in JJ’s arms.


	14. Figure It Out

Things have kind of gotten back to normal, by normal I mean Pope and John B don’t get weird when JJ and I hold hands. It feels so nice now that we’re out. I notice people looking and I get this weird sense of pride. It does feel different now, I’m trying not to act like a clingy girlfriend, and then I find myself acting just like his friend. I don’t know if there is a difference but I do know I’m not making one. I also notice now how much girls stare at him or try to get him to party with them. How have I not noticed before now? I know he’s attractive obviously and I know a lot of girls see it too, but it feels like uncharted territory. Like right now, we’re at the boneyard, drinking and laughing, and I can spot a group of girls staring. It doesn’t bother me that they’re staring because I get it, but it bothers me how many of them try even when I’m right next to him. I give these girls two minutes before one of them tries something. JJ and Pope are currently playing flip the cup in the sand which does not work, but they don’t care. The middle girl flips her hair, and fixes her bikini before she starts strutting towards our group. Less than two minutes, perfect. I look down at JJ who’s laughing loudly as Pope figures out there is sand in his cup.   
“Hi” The girl calls and they all turn toward her. Her eyes are bright as she stares at JJ.   
“We were wondering if you guys wanted to play Beer pong” She giggles, even though she hasn’t said anything funny, JJ tuns towards the discarded cups around Pope and him.   
“Sure” Pope stands and JJ follows. I notice John B is talking with Lily so he’s not really listening to us. I’m leaning against the tree, and JJ walks the two steps towards me, a small smile on his face. His arm circles my waist and he pulls me in for a kiss. I gasp into the kiss, and I can feel him smile which makes me smile.   
“That’s for good luck” He smirks pulling away, I shove him back and he grunts out a laugh.   
“Me too?” Pope asks puckering his lips, I smack his cheek. The girl looks between us, her bubbly smile stuck awkwardly on her face. She shakes her head slightly and her face returns to normal.   
“I get winner” She smirks at him, as we follow them to the makeshift table with cups already filled. The other girls are staring at us, their cheeks pink.JJ’s hand intertwines with mine as he pulls me close, and spins me so I’m flush against his side.   
“I think I might be a bit drunk” he whispers, his breath fanning my cheeks. I reach up to move the hair from his face, he grins.   
“I think so” I nod in agreement, he kisses my cheek making me blush. He’s not usually so affectionate, both of us aren’t but I like seeing him like this.   
“Let's play” JJ cheers, as Pope pats him on the back. I pull away from JJ sitting down on a tree stump, while one of the girl hands me a drink I smile.   
“Thanks” She nods and sits down beside me.   
“So you and JJ Maybank” The girl says, her tone high. I look her over again trying to see if I recognize her, the towns small enough.   
“Ya” I nod  
“Tamed the wild steed” She laughs, her giggle sounding loud, I look at her, she’s blushing. Suddenly I do recognize her. I think JJ and her dated just before school ended.   
“Angie, right?” I ask, she nods blushing   
“You remember” She smiles but it looked forced and she seemed uncomfortable. Her eyes linger on JJ and I straighten up. “It’s weird when I was with him, I always had a feeling he liked you,” She says, her glare moving to me, I shift uncomfortably.   
“We were just friends then” I assure her, she giggles again.   
“Maybe you were” She states, and I sip my beer. “I never thought he’d be a relationship guy, but I still tried you know” She says, and I can’t help but feel pity for this girl.   
“I’m sorry he hurt you,” I tell her, she turns to me and shrugs   
“He told me from the beginning he wasn’t ready for anything serious, so it's really fine” She exclaims   
“Still sucks” I say, she looks me over her eyes softening slightly.   
“Ya,” She nods sipping her drink. “The worst part is you kind of can’t hate him for it” She muses turning her eyes to him again, I look at her confused.   
“Why?” I ask   
“Because he’s so innocent in that way, you know” She says and I arch my eyebrow she laughs “He isn’t innocent okay, but he’s innocent when it comes to love and stuff like that. He never known it properly and he’s honest about what he wants so you have to give him that” She says shrugging and I turn my eyes to him. He jumps cheering loudly as Pope shoots the ball.  
“One thing I can blame him for is not telling me he liked you,” She says and I shake my head   
“We just found out that we liked each other like that” I express, she shakes her head   
“Like I said maybe you did, but definitely not him” she laughs, “I think the reason he didn’t let me get close to him was you” She comments and I shake my head vigorously.   
“No,” I say  
“Fine, think what you want” She smiles. “You guys make a cute couple so there’s that” She muses making me laugh   
“Thanks” I nod, she shrugs again   
“Anytime,” She winks   
“You’re super chill about this” I remark she nods.   
“I have that, so I’m not mad” She points, and I move my gaze to where she’s pointing. A tall, we’ll built blonde guy stands a couple of feet away, he’s smiling widely with a group of people.   
“He’s amazing” She sighs happily, I smile.  
“Get it, bitch,” I say, she blushes   
“I should probably get it before someone else tries” She stands, and I chuckle, she turns back to me “Good luck” She smiles   
“You too,” I say back, she rushes off to her man, who opens his arms as she makes her way toward him. I smile, and let my eyes drift back to the game. Pope is now cheering loudly as JJ blows on the ping pong ball his eyes focused. He turns to me his eyes filled with amusement to me.   
“Get it bay-bay” I fake cheer in a high voice, he smiles his cheeks pink and turns back to the game, the ball midair. Pope’s eyes widen as it lands with a plop in the center cup, the last cup. JJ raises his arms and cheers loudly, pulling Pope into a hug. The girls are glaring, but they giggle along.   
…  
“I got the shot though, so that’s pretty cool.. you have to admit that” JJ slurs as he leans against me. We’re currently walking to the van, with a very drunk JJ. John B and Pope are beside me chuckling.   
“Yes very cool” I say, he grins and tightens his grip on me.   
“You tired?” He asks his eyebrows arched   
“Yes, that’s why we’re leaving” I laugh, he nods. Suddenly I’m being lifted off the ground, a small gasp escaping my lips. JJ is carrying me bridal style, and I quickly reach around his neck to steady myself.   
“JJ” I scold, he chuckles drunkenly.   
“I wanted to carry you,” He says, and I sigh  
“Okay now let me down your gonna fall” I say looking over at John B and Pope, who are full-on laughing now.   
“I won’t, don’t worry you’re light,” He says, and I groan   
“You're drunk,” I say  
“And you’re cute, so?” He comments and I can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of me.   
“Guys!” I prompt them, they just shrug, smiling.   
“Let the man carry you” John B says, and I glare.   
“Ya let your man carry you” JJ adds, his eyes on mine. He blows air out of his mouth and shakes his head a piece of hair in his face. I reach up to tuck it away, and he beams at me.   
“I can walk,” I say, he nods   
“I know you’re a very good walker, this is just more fun” He says, and I smile. Finally we get to the van and he places me down, sucking in a breath.   
“My back” He groans stretching.   
“Shut it” I say, he chuckles. We all pile into the van. The drive is quiet, no one really says anything, the music from the radio is the only sound. That is until John B pipes up. “I saw you talking to Angie earlier was that weird?”   
“No, she’s actually pretty cool” I say, and JJ’s eyes move to me, a curious look on his face.   
“Cool?” Pope asks, I nod   
“She was just telling me she’s happy for us” I tell JJ, who smiles widely, looking like the young version of himself.   
“Ya we’re pretty cool” He remakes making me shove him, he groans   
“She’s nice and she has no hard feelings about whatever you two were,” I say, JJ nods   
“Wow, she’s is nice,” Pope says making me laugh   
“Ya all the girls who date JJ usually hate him, or want to fuck him again” John B says, and I cringe.   
“No” JJ slurs, John B laughs, and nods.   
“She likes you, and plus she’s dating a total hottie now,” I say, they all laugh   
“I’m a hottie” JJ croaks, his eyes on me.   
“You’re alright” I say, he groans leaning his head back.   
“I can attest to the fact that you think I’m a Hottie” He states loudly, I shove him  
“Ah I knew it” Pope says and I groan   
“You don’t know Shit” JJ says, his head back up and his eyes on Pope, who’s smirking.   
“Shut up, both of you” I say, they both sigh and look away from each other. John B chuckles to himself, making me smile too. I feel JJ reach his hand out for me, I sigh and take it, he grins widely at me in response.   
“Guys I’m hungry” He calls out, making all of us chuckle.   
…  
The silence stretches out, the tension in the room palpable. Mom’s jaw is dropped, while my dad just looks angry. I stare between them, my hands clutching my fork tightly.   
“I just thought you should know” I say, my cheeks burning. Mom nods slowly, her eyes moving to my dad, who leans back in his chair   
“I don’t understand why you guys are so mad?” I say,  
“We’re not mad, I was just shocked that’s it honey” Mom nods, her eyes on her plate.   
“Dad you’re mad?” I say, he rubs his hand across his beard.   
“I don’t think he’s good enough for you Kiara,” He says, and my stomach drops   
“Why cause he doesn’t have money?” I ask annoyed, he shakes his head   
“He has a lot of baggage and I don’t want you getting dragged down by it” He says and I roll my eyes.   
“JJ isn’t his baggage just like I’m not mine,” I state, and Mom gasps   
“You don’t have baggage,” Mom says, I groan   
“The way you guys act is my baggage,” I say angrily  
“Kiara” Dad yells, I turn to him my eyebrows raised in defiance.   
“What?” I ask he huffs   
“We’re just worried,” he says  
“You don’t have to be I’m old enough to decide who I want to be with” I stand up, pushing my chair back. “Just so you two know JJ isn’t what you think, and what his father is doesn’t make him damaged or a bad influence, it’s the opposite actually” I say before I rush off. I hear mom call after me, but I don’t stop, I’m too angry. I was expecting pushback but when it happened I was so mad. I pull out my phone, and call JJ who picks up on the first ring.   
“hey” I can hear the smile in his voice, and it makes me smile.   
“Hey, sorry I know you’re working, I just..” I stop taking a deep breath.   
“It’s okay I’m on break, what’s up?” He urges   
“I just got into a fight with my parents, and I just wanted to hear your voice,” I say  
“awh how cheesy” He responded making me chuckle. “Fuck off” I say, he laughs back.   
“What was the fight about?” He asks,  
“Just my future, stupid shit” I lie, too embarrassed by them to tell him.   
“That suck, but you know they just care about you Kie” He says, and I feel the tightness in my throat. “They’re probably just worried. They are your parents” He adds.   
“Ya” I nod. Anger boils in my stomach, why is it so hard for people to see this side of him, especially older people.   
“You okay?” He asks  
“Ya, it wasn’t a big deal” I assure, hoping he doesn’t hear the tightness in my voice.   
“I can meet you after work if you want” He offers   
“Ya, I’m gonna go to the beach maybe surf for a bit” I say plopping down on the high grass.   
“Okay, I’ll meet you after then” He exclaims   
“See you after” I say before I hang up. I stare off at the crashing waves, breathing in the salty air. I was angry at my parents for what they thought of JJ, he didn’t deserve it. He was so much better than every guy at the Kook Academy and I don’t see why they can’t see that. I dig my hand into the soft sand, sighing to myself.   
…  
I ended up inviting Pope, and John B surfing, and John B brought Lily. They seem to be getting close, they make a cute couple. Now that we’ve all exhausted ourselves we’re sitting in the sand, while Pope tells us some weird facts about the body. JJ’s head is in my lap, and I play with his soft locks. I can hear him hum when I scratch lightly at his scalp, it makes me smile I run my finger over an indent, and I freeze. I retrace it, it feels like a scar, it runs around two inches. I can feel JJ stiffen under me, and my heartburns. I lean down and drop a soft kiss to the scar, before letting my hands continue to massage his scalp. Suddenly my phone rings out, startling me. I pull it out of my bag and answer it without looking.   
“Kie” Sarah’s frantic voice responds, my eyes move to John B who’s looking at Pope amused.   
“What’s wrong?” I ask, not liking the panic in her voice.   
“Could you please come over” She cries, her voice wobbly. I look down, and JJ’s eyes are on mine, a questioning look on his face. “I know you hate me, but please Kie I need you” She sobs, I start to worry, and I gently nudge JJ so he shifts off of me.   
“I’ll be right there” I say, before hanging up the phone. JJ looks at me worry etched onto his face.   
“What's wrong?” He asks, I grab my bag and stand.   
“I have to go, ugh my mom needs me” I lie, as everyone's eyes turn to me.   
“I can drive you” JJ goes to stand I shake my head.   
“No, it’s close I’m okay seriously” I say, he looks confused but he nods.   
“I’ll text you after” I say leaning down to peck his lips before I rush off with a single wave to everyone else. Sarah’s place is only a ten-minute walk, seven minutes with interval running. I knock on the door, out of breath. The door is pulled back roughly, and there stands a sobbing Sarah. Her hair is up in a bun, and her eyes are puffy.   
“Come in” She sniffs stepping away, I walk in and shut the door.   
“Let's go upstairs,” She says, I nod and follow her upstairs. She shuts the door behind us, and immediately starts crying again.   
“What’s wrong?” I ask dropping my bag, and pulling her into a tight hug. She doesn’t answer only cries harder. I imagine it has something to do with Topper, maybe he ended things with her?   
“Sarah” I urge, she pulls back wiping at her face.   
“Sit” She says pulling me to the bed with her, so I sit down next to her.   
“Okay” She sniffles again pulling the sleeve of her sweater to wipe under her nose. “I’m so sorry about what happened” She starts  
“It’s okay just tell me what’s wrong” I squeeze her hand reassuringly, she nods.   
“I’m pregnant” She blurts, and my blood runs cold.   
“What?” I stammer, she tears up again.   
“I’m pregnant, and I… I don’t know what to do” She whimpers, her eyes filling with unshed tears.   
“Are you sure?” I ask, she nods   
“I took four pregnancy tests,” she says, and I nod   
“You still need to go see a doctor,” I say  
“I know, I’m so scared” She exclaims, her voice high and tight.   
“Is it Toppers?” I ask, she nods “Have you told him?” I question, she looks sheepish   
“No” She answers, I sigh “We’re not together anymore, we hardly were even back together” She explains   
“What, I thought you wanted to get back together with him,” I say, she shakes her head   
“I was lonely and I missed John B” She lets out a few tears “John B, he’s going to hate me even more” She cries harder leaning forward, her head lands in her lap.   
“Hey, stop okay” I insist taking her face in my hands.   
“You will be okay I promise,” I tell her, she nods  
“You have to tell Topper, and don’t even think about John B right now” I say, she pulls back wiping at her eyes again.   
“Will you come with me to my appointment” She asks   
“Of course” I reply, she pulls me back into a tight hug, her shoulders shaking violently as she starts crying again.   
“We’ll figure it out, I promise” I whisper pulling her tighter to my chest.


	15. Life

Sarah’s foot is bouncing violently up and down, as we wait for her name to be called. It’s been two days since she told me about her pregnancy and now we’re waiting for her results. It’s a pretty sure thing, but I know there’s still that tiny doubt. She intertwines her own fingers, cracking her knuckles as she stares straight ahead in a sort of daze. I move my hand so it’s resting on her bouncing leg, she turns to me, her eyes wide and panicked. I give her a small hopefully reassuring smile, and her wild bouncing morphs into a slow tick.   
“Sarah Cameron” The nurse calls, and she springs up, I follow behind. The nurse brings us to an empty room, and tells us the doctor should be in, In a couple minutes, I nod. Sarah sits on the white paper, it crunches loudly under her. I sit down on the chair across from her.   
“Results are in” She jokes, but it falls flat with the sheer terror on her face.   
“This is good, after this we can think about options or It might be over” I explain, she nods   
“I’m pregnant” She huffs, I bite my lower lip. “ I am, I know I am” She continues, her voice higher than usual.   
“Let's not panic until we get the results” I instruct, she nods again, her bouncing leg back. A soft knock sounds on the door, and her face freezes as the doctor walks in.  
“Sarah, so good to see you” She smiles, Sarah nods her face blank. The doctor looks down at her clipboard, her smile faltering as she reads.   
“You’re here to see if you’re pregnant?” She asks, her eyes on Sarah again   
“Ya” Sarah responds  
“Well I do have your results” She says as she sits down on her stool. “You are pregnant” She finishes, and Sarah’s blank face drops. She looks down at her lap, her shoulders start shaking.   
“There are options Sarah” The doctor looks at me now, her eyes sympathetic. Sarah looks up, tears streaming down her face.   
“What am I going to tell my parents?” She cries her eye on me, I stand and pull her into a hug. I can feel her tears soaking my shirt. She sits up and wipes her eyes, a look of determination in her eye.   
“How do I schedule an abortion?” She asks, and the doctor's eyes widen slightly before she starts going over the instructions. Sarah clutched my hand tightly as she nods to the doctor, and I feel my stomach drop. I try to think of myself in this situation, what would I do?   
“What about Topper?” I ask, she looks at me with bleary eyes.   
“He doesn’t have to know” She shrugs “Sarah you should tell him” I insist, and she looks away. The doctor continues to go over her options, while She stares off into space.   
…  
JJ kisses me lightly before plopping down beside me looking exhausted. His arm goes around me as he pulls me closer to him.   
“I’m exhausted” He breathes leaning his head back against the couch. John B plops down across from us, an amused smile on his face. I start to wonder how he’d react if he found out Sarah was pregnant. It would upset him probably, or at least I assume.   
“Kie” John B widens his eyes at me  
“What?” I ask, JJ looks up his eyes concerned.   
“Party at the boneyard tonight?” He asks, and I nod. JJ squeezes me, and I look at him, he gives me that look, and I shake my head.   
“So guess who I ran into” John B says, his eyebrows arched  
“Who?” JJ asks as I lean on his shoulder.   
“Topper,” He says, and I spring up, they both stare at me, so I sink back down.   
“What, why?” I ask, John B gives me a weird look.   
“He was taking his boat out, and we ran into each other” He explains, and I nod relaxing slightly. I lean back down on JJ, and he kisses the top of my head lightly.   
“He told me that Sarah and him weren’t really a thing” He says, and my eyes widen “Seriously?” JJ asks sounding surprised   
“He told me that they went on one date, but she wasn’t ready” He nods, JJ hums to himself.   
“Weird” John B says, JJ nods in response.   
“Did he tell you why she wasn’t ready?” JJ asks, a smile on his face. I notice John B blush and look down at his lap.   
“No, and she broke up with me so” He shrugs  
“People make mistakes” I blurt, he looks at me, his face morphing into something I can’t explain.   
“Well still she hasn’t come and talk to me so” John B exclaims loudly.   
“Dude’ JJ laughs, John B sighs leaning his head back.   
“I’m just saying” He retorts  
“Maybe you should try talking to her,” I say, and his eyes spring to me  
“Aren’t you mad at her too?” John B asks   
“We made up” I answer, he looks confused.   
“When?”   
“A couple of days ago, and it doesn’t matter what I’m saying is you should talk to her” I blurt  
“She ended it, and I’m with Lily now” John B says sounding exhausted. “You’re seeing Lily or with her?” JJ asks, and John B blushes lightly.   
“I’m going to see tonight’ He smiles, and JJ cheers, making me smile.   
“Don’t do it if you still have feelings for Sarah” I say, and he shakes his head   
“I don’t” He states firmly   
“Okay, I’m just saying” I shrug   
“Well I’m telling you” He remarks, and I nod.   
“Okay, but she’s going through something right now so maybe extend an olive branch, be the bigger person” I suggest, his face softens just a little.   
“What’s wrong?” He asks   
“She’s just going through it, so stop being a boy and talk to her” I demand, JJ chuckles and it vibrated through me.   
“Fine” John B murmurs making me smile.   
…  
“Boo” Sarah throws popcorn at my TV. She’s sleeping over tonight, because she’s decided to talk to Topper tomorrow morning before her appointment. She leans back showing a handful of popcorn in her mouth.   
“People suck” She moans, I nod. She turns to face me and her eyes fill with unshed tears.   
“I’m sorry for being mean” She cries, and I smile   
“Sarah it’s okay” I assure, she shakes her head wiping her eyes.   
“I do, I was mean and you are the only person who’s there for me” She sniffles, I smile   
“It doesn’t matter anymore okay” I say, she nods her smile wobbly. She leans her head on my shoulder before shoving more popcorn into her mouth. I hear a small noise but quickly dispute it as the wind, until my window is being opened and JJ crawls in. Sarah and I stare wide-eyed. I didn’t tell him that Sarah would be here tonight.   
“Why haven’t you called me back” He freezes when he sees us, his eyes wide.   
“Hi” Sarah chuckles, and he blushes.   
“Sorry I didn’t text you” I stammer, laughing slightly at his flustered look.   
“Ya that would have useful to know,” He remarks as Sarah and I start laughing, he cracks a small smile. He moves towards my side of the bed leaning down to peck my lips lightly, it makes my smile widen immensely.   
“I’m gonna go now” He says, pecking my lips again before he starts towards the window.   
“You can stay for a bit we were gonna watch Saw” Sarah rushes out, JJ turns to her obviously confused at the offer.   
“Ya stay” I urge smiling, he looks a bit embarrassed but he nods. He walks back to my side, and I move over so he can climb in.   
“The first saw ?” He asks, placing his arm around my waist.   
“Duh” Sarah says, and JJ chuckles. She hands him the bowl of popcorn and he takes a handful before handing it back.   
“Honesty all of them are pretty good,” JJ says, mouth full, Sarah nods   
“First is the best though” she responds   
“Agreed” He grins. Sarah starts the movie, and JJ pulls me closer to his side. I nuzzle under his arm yawning loudly.   
“You're totally gonna fall asleep” He says looking down at my already sleepy eyes.   
“I won’t” I protest, he laughs   
“You will” Sarah agrees smiling, I shove her with my foot.   
“Fuck off” I yawn loudly again, making them both laugh.   
…  
I’m waiting for Sarah at the top of my driveway. She said she’d pick me up after she and Topper talked about things. I notice her car pulling in so I stand wiping the dirt off my shorts. She parks beside me and I notice Topper’s in the car. She says something to him before jumping out.   
“Hey” I smile, she smiles back. She takes my hand moving me slightly away from the car.   
“I told him” she whispers, her eyes wide.   
“How did he take it?” I ask  
“He wants to go with me” She explains and I nod  
“So everything’s good?” I ask, her eyes becoming glossy.   
“I’m scared Kie” She admits and I pull her into a tight hug.   
“It’s okay to be scared, but I also want you to be sure about this,” I say, she pulls away, her eyes still watery.   
“I can’t be a mom, and Topper can’t be a dad.” She states simply “ I know this is the right decision for me, I’m just scared” She sniffles. I take her hands and squeeze them tightly.   
“It’s scary and I’m sorry you have to do it, but you are strong and brave. You can do this” I nod, she smiles and nods back, wiping at her face.   
“Do you want me to go?” I ask her, she looks back at the car Topper’s eyes are glued to us.   
“No, thank you for everything but I think we need to do this together” She says, I nod pulling her in for another long hug.   
“Call me after, and I’ll come by tomorrow” I say, as she makes her way to the car. She waves as she drives off, my heart tightens with sympathy. I take out my phone to check the time, it’s only 12:30 which means everyone is working. I pull my hair up off my neck and shoulders before I make my way back inside to grab my surfboard. Maybe I’ll spend some time with the waves.   
…  
JJ kisses my neck softly making me arch up into him. His fingers dig deliciously into my hips as his lips travel to my jaw and then my lips. I wrap my arms around his neck pulling him tighter to my body. I relish in the small moan he lets out as I run my fingers through his hair. His hands travel down my sides, gripping the bottom of my shirts. I pull away breathing hard, and push away from him slightly. He looks dazed but moves back, his eyes concerned.   
“Are you okay?” He asks a bit breathless. I sit up fixing my shirt and feeling the heat in my cheeks.   
“Ya, sorry” I mumble looking down at my lap. I feel nervous suddenly, my skin prickling.   
“It’s okay, what’s wrong?” His hand goes under my chin to push me gently to look up at him. I reach out for him, my hands landing on his shoulders, before falling to his lap.   
“I’m scared” I say, and he nods inching closer to me.   
“Of?” He asks   
“What would happen if I got pregnant?” I blurt, his eyes widen and he seems shocked by the statement.   
“I.. I don’t know,” He says honestly, I nod. “Are you?” He asks  
“No, I’m just wondering what we’d do if I did get pregnant?” I say, playing with the bracelet around his wrist.   
“I mean I’d be scared, and panicked at first obviously but I’d be there no matter what we decide” He explains, his voice softer than I’ve ever heard it. I look up at him, feeling a wave of emotion hit me.   
“So if I wanted to keep it?” I ask  
“I’d be terrified but it would be our baby kie I’d love it” He smiles, and I nod moving my hand so I can caress his cheek gently.   
“Why are you asking?” He questions, and I sigh to myself.   
“I can’t tell you” I say, and his eyebrows knit together in confusion.   
“But you’re okay?” He asks   
“Yes, I am” I smile, he smiles leaning in to peck my lips gently.   
“Now can we have sex?” He asks, making me laugh. I lean forward, my lips grazing his gently. I can feel his steady heartbeat quicken under my hand.   
“Fuck ya” I whisper and he closes the distance, pushing me back down on top of him.


	16. Do Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys like it❤️

I’m sitting on a log at the boneyard with Sarah, drinking a beer, as we watch the waves roll in. It’s been a week since her appointment, and she seems better. Topper has been coming over every day to help, and just be around her. John B hasn’t really said anything, and I haven’t told him about Sarah because it’s definitely not my place. I don’t know if she’ll tell him, but I do know she wants to talk to him. I hand her my beer, she takes it with a smile.   
“Isn’t it crazy” She comments as she takes a sip  
“What?” I ask a bit confused   
“The water” She laughs. Ya we’re also pretty high right now.   
“Ya” I nod, she laughs harder, making me chuckle.  
“It’s just a giant pool” She quips taking another sip.   
“Pools were inspired by the ocean Sarah” I tell her, her eyes widen and she snorts.  
“Shit” She yelps as the beer runs down her chin.   
“You’re so stupid” I laugh, and she laughs harder handing me the beer. Suddenly someone jumps in front of us screaming. Sarah and I scream in response, my heart pounding loudly. I finally notice it’s JJ who’s laughing loudly as he rolls in the sand.  
“What the fuck” Sarah yells throwing sand at him, he continues laughing as Pope and John B join us.   
“You scared the shit out of me” I say holding my shirt tightly, he stands, and shakes the sand from his hair.   
“I couldn’t resist” He beams and I glare. He walks towards me and I stick my foot out.   
“Don’t” I say, making him laugh harder before he rushes forward tackling me to the ground. He grips me and shifts so I roll on top of him rather than the sand.   
“Fuck you” I laugh, as he chuckles against me.   
“Kiss and I let you go” He winks, I shove him about to pull back when he squishes me tighter against him. His eyes go soft, and I sigh pecking his lips lightly before pushing away from him. I sit back down beside Sarah, a small smile on my face. Sarah’s still clutching her shirt, wide-eyed.   
“You okay?” I ask laughing, she turns and nods.   
“Sorry, dazed” She smiles slightly, I nod.   
“Are you guys stalking us?” I asked turning back to JJ, Pope, and John B.   
“Always babe” He grins widely, I throw sand at him, and he dodges it.   
“We were just walking” Pope says weirdly, I turn to him, and JJ shoves him slightly.   
“Walking?” I ask, Pope nods   
“You know strolling” JJ interjects, and Pope nods again “Stretching out limbs” He winks, I stare at him weirdly.   
“Okay weirdos” I reply, JJ moves to sit beside me.   
“You want to go makeup where no one can see us?” He asks, and I stare confused. He’s not usually so open with his affection.   
“What’s with you today?” I ask, he smiles leaning into peck my lips. He grabs my hand pulling me up.   
“Fine, no making out, but Pope and I have to show you something” He urges, and the realization hits me.   
“I’ll be back Sarah” I call as I’m pulled forward. After we’re a couple yards away I hit both of them in the stomach.   
“You could have been more subtle,” I say, and Pope laughs   
“The making out wasn’t subtle?” JJ asks, I shake my head.   
“So, do you know what he’s going to say?” I ask curious   
“I think he wants them to be friends” Pope bends to pick up a rock, throwing it into the water.   
“That’ll be good” I comment as JJ intertwines out fingers.   
“Ya, less awkward for sure” JJ adds, I sigh.   
“Or more?” Pope confesses, I stare at him confused “Because he’s dating Lily” He shrugs in response.   
“Shit that might be awkward” JJ agrees  
“It’ll be fine, she’s over him” I say even though I know it’s not fully true.   
“Sure” JJ sings, I shove him.   
“Don’t make it more awkward” I tell them both, they laugh in unison. We decide to walk back after about ten minutes, mainly because we got curious. I spot John B first, he has a wide smile on his face, as Sarah moves her hands around frantically. She looks up at him smiling, her eyes wide and bright.   
“Thanks for being subtle” Sarah says once she sees us approaching, John B turns a small blush on his face.   
“What can I say, I’m a subtly ninja” JJ comment sitting down beside Sarah, who shoves him.   
“All good then?” I ask, digging my foot into the soft sand.   
“All good” John B nods, his eyes soft.   
“Yay” I cheer, making Sarah chuckle.   
“So, what are we doing tonight?” JJ asks, pulling me down so I’m on his lap. His arms curl around my waist and he leans his chin on my shoulder.   
“I vote, we drink!” Sarah exclaims happily.   
“I’m down for a drink” John B says.   
“I actually have to visit my grandma tonight, we’re having dinner with her” I interject   
“What?” JJ says, I nod at him.   
“I know, but she’s old and my parents will not let me bail’ I say, they all nod.  
“Could you meet us after?” Sarah asks  
“Maybe, I’d have to sneak out,” I say  
“So sneak out,” She says, and I shove her   
“Maybe” I nod.  
…  
“Dinner with my parents and Grandma is about as boring as going to one of the luncheons with my mom. We always have to dress to impress, and we skip over any real topics of interest. Instead they talk about my school, my future, and if I have anyone in my life. I go to say JJ’s name but Dad glares his eyes sharp.   
“She’s focusing on school” Mom smiles widely, her teeth glinting in the light. Anger surges through me at the blatant lie.   
“Actually I’m with JJ Maybank” I sneer, my smile wide and fake. My grandma looks confused as if she’s repeating Maybank to see what family he belongs to.   
“The Maybanks” She asks, her tone stiff “As in Luke Maybank?” She asks, I nod and smile politely   
“Ya, he’s really great, you’d love him” I say, she nods apprehensively. Mom looks absolutely terrified, while dad glares daggers.   
“Well I’ll have to meet him then” Grandma smiles, and it feels real so I smile and nod.   
“Anytime” I respond, and she gives me another soft look Mom quickly changes the subject, her tone high and over-exuberant. I drone out focusing on my food. After two hours of pure boredom we are finally on our way home. The drive is quiet, and I can feel the uncomfortable tension in the car. I stare down at my phone, a notification on Snapchat popping up. I open it and I see Sarah smiling widely as she dances wildly with JJ. The image makes me smile. I never imagined they’d get along so well, but it really makes me happy.   
“What you pulled in there was unacceptable” My dad’s voice rings out, and my happiness dissipates.   
“All I did was tell the truth” I respond, my tone clipped. He looks at me through the mirror, his eyes hard.   
“I know you think we’re terrible people Kiara, but we’re your parents that means you listen to us” He demands, I try not to roll my eyes.   
“I don’t appreciate you treating my boyfriend like a secret” I retort, I can hear his sigh.   
“Your grandma is..” He struggles with finding a work  
“She seemed fine” I mumble  
“Kiara, we’re just trying to protect you” Mom adds in, her tone soft.   
“From what?” I ask, she gives dad a small look before looking back at me.   
“Society, just trust us” She gives me a small smile, and I look away annoyed.   
“I think that’s bullshit, you two are just embarrassed that I’m not some debutant with a stuck up boyfriend” I exclaim, they sigh in unison. I run up to my room right when we get home, not needing another lecture. I pull out my phone, and see another Snapchat from Sarah. I open it and it shows all of them dancing wildly, even Pope. I hear a knock on my door, and turn my phone off quickly. Mom peeks her head in, her eyes gentle. She shuts the door behind her and walks towards me.   
“I wanted to talk” She explains sitting down beside me. I stare down at my lap, waiting for her to continue.   
“I’m sorry if you think we want you to be different, that’s not true. We love you for you” She starts her tone soothing.   
“Then why are you trying to change me?” I ask, she sighs reaching out for my hand.   
“We’re worried that’s all” She states “But we want you to be happy, so if JJ makes you happy then that’s amazing” She continues, and I can’t help the smile that breaks out on my face.   
“He makes me really happy” I tell her, my cheeks heating, her smile widens.   
“I’m glad” She kisses my cheek before pulling me into a tight hug.   
“Your dad will come around he’s just hardheaded” She laughs “Like you” She adds making me chuckle. She stands up and heads to the door.   
“Oh and I’d love to have him over for dinner” She turns back, and I widen my eyes.   
“Ya, maybe,” I say, she laughs   
“Maybe if we see him with you it’ll help us understand” She shrugs before shutting the door behind her. I smile after her, a warm feeling spreading over me. I decide to not go out and meet them, the exhaustion of the day weighing on me. I send Sarah a quick text before I turn on Netflix and fall asleep.   
…  
My phone rings out loudly, making me spring out of bed. I reach for it in the darkroom, blindly. It takes me a couple of seconds to find it in my sheets.   
“Hello” I answer quickly, my voice hoarse and groggy.   
“Kie” Its Sarah’s voice and she sounds panicked, really panicked.   
“What?” I ask her, my heart starting to pound.   
“It’s JJ, he’s hurt,” She says her voice wobbly, I jump out of bed, grabbing my car keys.   
“Where are you guys?” I ask immediately   
“John B’s, and Kie he doesn’t want me calling you” She adds, and I can feel my blood run cold. “But it was his dad,” She says  
“I’ll be there in ten minutes” I tell her before hanging up. I tiptoe down the hall, and I can hear my parents TV. They probably fell asleep with it on. I peel out of the driveway, my heart hammering against my ribs the whole way. My imagination runs wild, making my skin burn with anger at whatever his dad did. I see the van parked and I park behind it before I jump out, hardly shutting the door before I run inside.   
“JJ” I call, and no one is inside, I run to the back porch where the light is coming from. I push open the door, and see Sarah first, her eyes are glossy and she turns to me.   
“Kie” She says and my eyes travel across all of them landing on JJ. He’s sitting down on the wicker chair, his face looks pretty swollen, it makes my stomach churn. My eyes travel down and I can feel my stomach flip as my eyes run across the blood running down from his stomach. John B stand his eyes wide.   
“Kie” He says his voice weary. I push past him and drop down to the ground beside JJ. I push up his shirt, and I freeze. There is a sharp cut running from his side to his bellybutton. I look up at him, one of his eyes is pretty swollen but I can see the worry in them.   
“What the fuck happened?” I ask, pulling out my first aid kit form my bag. No one speaks and I turn staring sharply at them.   
“He went to go get something from his dad’s, said he needed clothes” Pope is the first to talk, he looks pretty shaken. I pull out my ribbing alcohol, looking back at JJ’s cut.   
“This is going to hurt” I say, my voice sharp with anger.   
“He came out fifteen minutes later looking like that” John B finishes. JJ winces as I put the clothe with the alcohol on his cut.   
“No one went in with him?” I ask  
“It wasn’t their fault Kie” JJ finally speaks and I look up at him, fire in my eyes.   
“I’m not talking to you, shut up and lay back” I say, he bites his lower lip wincing again before leaning back.   
“Why did you guys let him go in by himself?” I ask, my voice less strong, more wobbly.   
“We thought he’d be asleep” Pope says, and my stomach churns.   
“What did he cut you with?” I ask JJ now   
“I fell into a broken bottle on the floor” He explains, and I clutch at the chair, taking a deep breath. I stay silent as I bandage it up, luckily it’s not deep enough to need stitches. It’s just going to leave a scar. The shirt he’s weaning is dirty and sticky with blood, so I pull it off him gently. I throw it behind me, taking his face gently in my hands. I let my eyes roam over it, taking in the swelling, and bruising. I can see the knuckle indentation beside his eye, it makes about of nausea rush over me.   
“You need to ice this,” I say my voice low, he nods, his eyes soft. I turn away from him, towards John B, Sarah, and Pope.   
“I can’t believe you let him go in there” I yell, the anger boiling out of me. They all look sheepish.   
“Kie, they didn’t know,” JJ says behind me, I turn back to him, still angry.   
“You’re right, they didn’t know but you did! What the fuck were you thinking!” I yell, my blood boiling. He winces as he sits up, and it makes me even angrier.   
“I thought he’d be asleep” He says carefully, and I can’t help the tears that spring to my eyes.   
“This shouldn’t have happened” I say, my words choppy, he stands, his eyes so soft it makes me cry harder.   
“This is my fault, I’m sorry” He whispers, and I step back from his grasp, wiping my eyes harshly.   
“No, don’t say that” I state, my voice strong “This isn’t your fault, you didn’t do this to yourself” I say, my anger morphing into sadness.   
“I know but I shouldn’t have gone in” He states, and I shake my head. I realize I'm angry at the wrong person. He doesn't deserve this, it wasn't his fault. This was on his degenerate father.   
“No, I’m sorry I shouldn’t have said that. You should be able to trust your father. I’m so sorry JJ you don’t deserve this” I exclaim, his eyes widen at the change in my mood. “We failed you, all of us should have done something sooner” I turn to John B and Pope, who have tears in their eyes.   
“We should have stepped in sooner” I say, they nod wiping under their eyes too.   
“Guys come on, what were you gonna do?” He whispers, looking away from us.   
“We should have told you that it’s not okay” Pope steps beside me, JJ looks up.   
“We should have told you, you don’t deserve it” John B steps now, and I can see his eyes becoming glossy.   
“Stop, it’s fine,” JJ says, his voice trembling   
“No, you deserve better from us, and from him and from everyone,” I say, he looks at me now, his eyes hold so much emotion it breaks my heart.   
“We’re so sorry man” John B says, and that’s what breaks him. His shoulders begin to shake, and he looks away from us. I’m the first to pull him into a tight hug, his body shakes in my arms. Pope’s arms wrap around us next, and then John B’s.   
"I don't know what to do?" JJ says, his voice muffled against my skin. "He won't stop, and I don't know why? What did I do?" He asks. I bite down on my lip to keep the tears from spilling out of me.   
"You didn't do anything, it's not you," I say, squeezing him tighter   
"It's him JJ, it's always been him" Pope adds, his voice sounding watery.   
"There is nothing you can do differently because you're not doing it" John B says, and I nod.   
"We love you, and we're not going to let him do it again" I promise. We stay like that for a long time, just surrounded by each other. it's our promise to JJ to do better, for the person who has always done the most for us.


	17. Love

JJ’s asleep on the pullout, his soft snores filling the darkroom. I’m sitting up, my knees to my chest, and watching his chest fall and rise evenly. Tonight really left me anxious and upset. JJ looked so broken and unloved, It broke my heart. I reach my hand out, running my finger lightly across his cheek. He shifts and I still, waiting for him to open his eyes. He doesn’t, he just groans, and continues snoring. I pull my hand away, my eyes glued to the way his lip is curled up into a small smile as he sleeps. He’s always been so happy, and filled with adventure. He never let the darkness of his life make him dark and twisted. I clutch my legs tightly as the wave of anger passes over me crashing into the pit of my stomach. I’m so angry. At Luke for not being what JJ needs, and his mother for leaving him. I’m angry at myself for not stopping it earlier, for not showing him how much he means to me. I feel the sting of tears in my eyes as the image of him bleeding and groaning pops into my head. We all let him down. Tears fall dropping onto my knees, but I can’t seem to stop them. I place my hand over my mouth to keep the sobs in. His eyelashes flutter, and his smile grows, making the tears run faster. He deserved so much better from us. I suck in a breath and sink down into bed beside him. I lay my head in the crook of his arm, and lay my hand across his chest. He shifts pulling me closer to his side. I run my finger up and down his arm, relishing in the goosebumps that break out onto his warm skin. I let my finger trail up his neck to his cheek and lightly over his nose. I trace the lines of his face slowly, stopping at his cupids bow. I lean up leaving a feather-light kiss on his puckered lips.   
“I’m sorry” I whisper so quietly I can’t even hear myself. I lay my head back down and close my eyes letting his warm embrace lull me to sleep.   
…  
“She’s still sleeping” I keep my eyes closed, as I feel JJ shift, my body moving with his. I hear a shuffling noise and I feel the bottom of the bed dip down.   
“You okay?” John B’s voice rings out. I should probably make it known I’m awake, but I keep my eyes shut, and lay still.   
“Ya, needed to sleep it off” JJ’s voice amused, I want to hit him for making it a joke.   
“How’s the side?” John B asks, and I remember I’m laying on his cutup side, I almost move away, but I feel JJ pulls me closer.   
“Fine, just a bit sore” He answers.   
“She was really worried” John B whispers  
“Ya” JJ says in response “She was right to be” John B says, I can feel JJ stiffen.   
“Hey, it’s fine now. I had a good cry” JJ laughs, but it’s stiff, awkward, and so unlike JJ.   
“Come on man, we were serious about last night” John B scolds and I try not to smile. “Kie won’t let us just go back to before, and she shouldn’t” John B adds. I feel JJ’s fingers trail up my side.   
“She’s always been so caring” JJ whispers “Remember when I broke my leg climbing that tree, and my dad was pissed” I remember, how angry Luke was, the look of him terrified me.   
“She told him off” John B chuckles, and JJ chuckles too.  
“She cares about everyone like that, she’s that kind of person” John B starts “But for you, I think it’s different, she’s always been protective of you JJ”   
“I am her boyfriend” JJ laughs, but it comes out more of a cough.   
“Even before that” John B says “Remember when I kissed her” John B asks, and I cringe internally.   
“Ya” JJ laughs   
“She asked later if I told you about it, and at the time I thought it was because you would have made comments now I think she was worried you’d think she wanted to be with me” John B explains, and my stomach twists tightly. I had been worried JJ might get the wrong idea.   
“You never told me,” JJ says   
“I didn’t think of it honestly, but now I think…” He stills, and now I’m curious too “I think it’s always been you” He finishes, and my heart starts racing. JJ doesn’t respond, but he still runs his finger up and down my side slowly.   
“I’m just saying you guys are good together, and she really cares about you” John B defends quickly, as if he maybe overstepped.   
“Thanks man, I really appreciate it” JJ responded, and I can hear the smile in his voice.   
“You should wake her, her phones been going off” John B says.   
“Kie” I hear JJ’s voice, it’s soft. I shift and slowly open my eyes. He’s staring down at me, and I spot his swollen eyes, it makes my stomach roll. I sit up reaching for him, my face falling.   
“How do you feel?” I ask, my finger ghosting above his swollen eye.   
‘I’m just sore” He assures, giving me a soft smile. I let my hand fall to his shoulder as I lean in to kiss his lips. I go to deepen the kiss when my phone rings out loudly, making us spring apart. I turn quickly grabbing my phone from my bag on the floor.   
“Shit it’s my mom” I say before picking it up.   
“Mom” I answer   
“Kiara, where are you” She yells, the panic in her voice   
“I’m sorry I got caught up” I stammer  
“Caught up, all night!” She yells back, I wince. “Get home now” She commands before hanging up. I stand quickly grabbing my shoes and bag off the floor.   
“I have to go” I tell JJ, who’s standing now too. He nods running a hand through his hair. I rush over to him pecking his lips gently. I’m about to break away, when he grabs my wrist and pulls me in closer, deepening the kiss.   
“I’ll call you later” I smile, my cheeks hot. I rush out with a wide smile on my face, even with the prospect of being grounded for life on the table.   
…  
“You were out all night, and you didn’t even leave a note” Mom yells, as she paces the living room. I’m sitting on the couch, with my head down. “Do you understand how irresponsible that is Kiara?” She asks and I lift my head to look at her. “Obviously you don’t” She exclaims, her eyes in hard lines.   
“I’m sorry, but JJ needed me” I say, feeling the heat in my cheeks.   
“JJ, I should have known” She says and my happiness from early is gone.   
“It wasn’t his fault, I chose to go, he didn’t call me” I inform, my voice hard, she stops pacing.   
“What happened that was so urgent?” She asks in a condescending tone “Another fight at the boneyard?” She adds, and I roll my eyes   
“Don’t even, I have a right to know Kiara” She points her finger at me. I didn’t know if I had a right to tell her. I couldn’t betray JJ’s trust.   
“He was hurt mom, and after I stayed at John B’s” I say instead vaguely.   
“Hurt, so it was a fight?” She asks hand on her hip.   
“It wasn’t his fault” I insist, she sighs, as if she’s suddenly exhausted. “I’m so sorry mom, I should have called I just forgot” I add, she looks up at me her eyes still razor-sharp.   
“I’m worried” She responds   
“I’m fine, and It won’t happen again” I assure her, she nods licking her lips.   
“I’m not going to tell your father, he’s been stressed about work and he doesn’t need this,” She says it mostly to herself but I not anyway. “You are to pick up more shifts at work, and If you break another curfew you are getting chained to your room” She states, her voice sharp.   
“Yes, I promise” I nod, she sighs placing her hand on her forehead.   
“And JJ is to come to dinner, a nice meal where we can get to know him,” Mom says and my eyes widen   
“Mom” I whine  
“Part of the deal Kiara, means its mandatory” She quips and I groan loudly.   
“Fine but please make sure dad isn’t too hard on him” I beg  
“Your father will behave” She gives me a curt nod. I trudge upstairs, groaning at the prospect of having a sit-down dinner with my dad and JJ.   
…  
“So she made me promise to have JJ over for a proper dinner” I drone on to Sarah. Sarah freezes, makeup brush millimeters from her cheek.   
“Shit” She turns to me, her eyes wide.   
“I know” I groan plopping down on her bed.   
“Have you told JJ?” She asks looking back at the mirror. I grab one of her pink fluffy pillows and hold it to my chest.   
“No” I admit, she turns and I nod.   
“He’s gonna freak” She laughs, I groan again.   
“I just don’t want my dad interrogating him,” I tell her, she nods   
“JJ’s tough I’m sure he can handle it” Sarah mumbles as she applies her lipgloss.  
“I know he can handle it, I don’t want him to have to” I admit, squishing my face into the pillow.   
“Kie” Sarah says, her voice sympathetic.   
“It’s not about me” I shake my head, pushing my hair behind my ears. She stands and moves towards me, sitting down right in front of me.   
“It’s okay to be scared and sad” She reaches out to take my hand. Sometimes it feels weird to be comforted, I’m used to a more far off approach at comforting that comes with being friends with guys.   
“I’m not” I lie, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.   
“Kie” She says again her perfect eyebrow arched.   
“I’m…” I stumble, as she gives me a hard look “I’m scared that I’m not doing enough” I admit, the words spilling out of me.   
“Kie, you are doing everything you can” She responds, her tone firm.   
“I know, but I just want to be able to do more” I shrug “He deserves more” I add lamely.   
“He does, and you are more Kie” She says, and I look up at her confused “You being there, and loving him is more than you know” She explains, and the word love burns inside my head.   
“How do you know you’re in love?” I ask, my cheeks hot. Sarah gets a faraway look, as a small smile graces her lips.   
“You feel like there isn’t enough,” She says “Enough time, or space or anything. Nothings enough but he is enough” She explains. I get the familiar put in my stomach, as a longing overtakes me.   
“It’s wanting to protect the person from any harm even if it means sacrificing something” She adds, her eyes back on me.   
“So simple” I laugh, she smiles   
“Sometimes I feel this… it’s like a hole in my stomach, and it’s like it’s sucking me in whenever I’m around him” I explain “He makes me dizzy, and I know that sounds so lame, but he actually makes me dizzy” I say, and she nods.  
“And I can’t get enough of him, even when I’m mad at him I want him around me to help me through it,” I say, she chuckles   
“Even when he’s dumb drunk?” She asks   
“Ya, I love him dumb drunk because he gets this look in his eye..” I stop, my heart pounds loudly “It’s like he doesn’t have that giant fucking wall up and he looks at me with so much emotion, it’s just..” I stop blushing “Just ya, I like him dumb drunk” I finish   
“Someone is in love” She coos making me groan as she laughs loudly.   
“Stop,” I say, she laughs harder   
“Come on, it’s cute” She says, and I shake my head.   
“Not when only one of you is in love” I blurt, her smile falls   
“He loves you Kie” She says, and I shake my head “He does anyone with eyes can see that” She insists, I blush despite being skeptical.   
“Well if he does he won’t after our dinner” I joke, she shoves me lightly.   
…  
John B is laughing loudly, while JJ just stares his eyes wide. Sarah shoves John B, but he continues to laugh loudly. I glare and sigh leaning back in my chair. JJ runs a hand through his hair, his eyes downcast.   
“It’s one dinner,” I say, he looks up and nods   
“I know, and obviously I’ll do it” He says, but he still looks scared.   
“JJ having dinner with your parents, can I come please?” John B asks, Sarah shoves him again.   
“Shut up” I say, he nods but his eyes still water.   
“It’s going to be annoying, but it’ll be fast” I promise, he nods again.   
“How many courses,” John B asks this time I throw my water bottle at him, he dodges it and it bounces behind him. “Sorry” He raises his hands up in mock surrender.   
“It’ll be fine” JJ says, leaning back looking more relaxed.   
“Ya” I nod, his eyes soften and he pats the seat next to him. I move to sit down beside him, his arm wraps around me.   
“The only thing is” He starts and I look up at him “I don’t own khakis” He smiles and I shove him, hiding my chuckle.   
“I’m kidding… mostly” He remarks and Sarah smiles.  
…  
I’m sitting nervously on the bench at the front door. I’m waiting for JJ, as my mom and dad talk quietly in the kitchen. They’ve both been cooking all day, and my nerves have tripled since talking to JJ last night. I stare at my phone, my heart beating loudly. A soft knock sounds at the door and I jump up. I pull open the door, and I’m about to go off on him about not texting me, but I’m too shocked. JJ stands with a bouquet of flowers and he’s wearing a clean white tee, and a pair of khakis.   
“What are you wearing?” I laugh, he groans looking down at the stiff Khaki pants.   
“Sarah” Is all he says, and I smile lovingly at him. I step forward pulling him into a tender kiss.   
“Thank you for not gelling your hair back” I run my fingers through his hair, he chuckles   
“Sarah was going to but I drew the line” He whispers quietly, making me laugh loudly.   
“Kiara” I hear my dad’s voice behind me, so I step back and turn towards the entrance. I intertwine my fingers with his, holding on tightly.   
“Let’s go” I whisper quietly walking inside. Mom is standing at the staircase, while my dad is just a couple of steps ahead.   
“Thank you for having me” JJ steps forward to shake his hand. Dad’s face stays stony, but he shakes his hand.   
“It’s our pleasure” Mom steps up, and JJ smiles kindly at her.   
“These are for you,” He says handing her the flowers, she smiles widely.   
“Thank you” She nods, he grins back, the tips of his ears pink.   
“Kiara could you help you mom in the kitchen, I’ll show JJ around” Dad smiles stiffly at me. I don’t want to let go of his hand, but he squeezes my hand reassuringly. I turn to him, and he gives me a small smile.   
“Be nice” I whisper to my dad once I pass him.   
“He looks nice,” Mom says, her smile genuine   
“He dressed for the occasion” I quip, she chuckles and nods. I try to see if I can hear them as I set the table, but I don’t hear anything.   
“You don’t think he’s kicked him out?” I ask mom nervously, she laughs   
“No” She says but then she freezes and looks up. I turn when I hear footsteps and my jaw drops because JJ is making my dad laugh. I stand mouth open, watching as JJ explains something in great detail, making my dad laugh louder. I turn to mom, who’s eyes are just as wide as mine.   
“Dinner time” Mom calls as she places the pot roast on the table. They make their way over, and I give JJ a hard look, he just grins and shrugs. JJ is sitting across from me, while mom and dad take up the head of the table. Mom gently hands out the plates, her eyes soft.   
“I hope you’re okay with Pot roast?” Mom asks JJ  
“Ya, I love a good roast” He smiles, and she grins handing him his plate. I feel the nerves dust-up as Dad gets this hard look on his face.   
“So let's just get down to it,” Dad says, and I sigh   
“Mike” Mom smiles stiffly, he shrugs   
“Sure ask away” JJ responds, dad nods.   
“What are your intentions with my daughter?” He asks and I groan loudly   
“Seriously, what is this the 1950’s” I state, JJ smile   
“I just mean, is it serious?” Dad restates, his eyes sparkling.   
“If you’re really asking if I plan on breaking her heart, no, I don’t,” JJ says his eyes on my dads “Yes it’s serious is what I’m saying” JJ says, and my heart warms.   
“Okay” Dad nods, mom gives him a hard look. “You know JJ, Anna and I only want the best for Kiara, and sometimes that comes off as rude” Dad blurts, and I try not to roll my eyes.   
“I completely understand, I don’t find the questions rude,” JJ says, his voice soft, it makes me smile.  
“Being worried just comes naturally as a parent” Dad continues, and I can see JJ stiffen, before he quickly smiles and nods.   
“Makes perfect sense to me” JJ responded.  
“You probably know Kiara wants to save the world one sea turtle at a time, which for some reason means she won’t be attending university” Dad starts, JJ chuckles lightly   
“What could I learn about the world from inside a classroom!” I huff, making dad smile   
“You learn Life skills” Dad retorts   
“I can learn life skills by living my life, and traveling” I point out, and Dad shakes his head.   
“What I’m asking is what do you plan to do after graduation” Dad turns his gaze back to JJ.   
“Not too sure I guess, which I know isn’t the best answer but..” He shrugs, and Dad nods.   
“Don’t worry you can ride on my coattails after I save the world” I joke to lighten the mood, JJ grins his eyes soft.   
“That goes for all of you” I point around the room, making them all laugh.   
“You still have time to figure it out” Dad tells JJ.   
“Wow, more supportive than he is with me” I comment, Making Dad groan. The rest of the dinner goes just about the same, no freak-outs or fights. Which is what I expected honestly. After JJ says goodnight, I walk him out to the van he borrowed from John B.   
“So that went well” I comment taking his hand   
“Better than I expected definitely” JJ laughs   
“Told you they’d like you” I smiled kissing his cheek.   
“You were so sure” He says, and I nod making him laugh. “You so weren’t” He spins me so his arms go around me as we walk.   
“Fine I was surprised too” I admit, JJ laughs.   
“So, you think we’re serious?” I ask, and he freezes.   
“Did I say that?” He laughs and I nod. “Doesn’t really sound like me” He quips making me laugh.   
“Ya, you’re right, it was probably something like” I turn to face him “ahem.. yo dude, we’re just chilling” I try to mock his voice, and his jaw goes slack making me giggle loudly.   
“Yo dude I don’t talk like that” He responds making me laugh loudly, gripping at his shoulders.   
“Well I think we’re serious, and I was thinking about something” I smile, he grins pulling me closer. “I plan to travel after graduation, and since you don’t have plans we could travel together” I say, even with the nervous butterflies in my stomach. He doesn’t say anything, his face just stays the same.   
“I mean why not, we could go to Indonesia and help clean the Citarum River” I shrug, my nerves making me ramble.   
“You’d want me to come?” He asks   
“No I just asked so I could turn you down when you agreed” I glare at him, he chuckles. He moves some hair from my face, his thumb brushing against my jaw.   
“The Citarum River you say” He smiles   
“Ya, there are factories lining it, dumping their waste in the water” I tell him, he smiles softly, and there is something in his eyes I don’t recognize. “There is also Riachuela River in Argentina, it’s basically a toilet” I add, he laughs. He leans in, and presses a soft kiss to my lips.   
“I would definitely be down to clean the world up with you” He says against my lips, making me shiver. “Although you are going to have to do most of the heavy lifting” He remarks making me laugh.   
“Don't I always” I joke, he nods, pressing another soft kiss to the corner of my lips, and then again on the other side.   
“I will however help you celebrate” He grins, making me smile “And I can do all the heavy lifting there” He winks making me chuckle loudly against his lips.   
“I’m definitely okay with that” I nod before I capture his lips in a searing kiss. My heat feels light in my chest, and I can feel the giddiness easing over me. If this is love, I can see why they write all those stupid love stories now.


	18. Loving You Is Enough For Me

I lock the doors, flipping the open sign to closed. Mom has me on closing shifts now after being out all night. I think it's her way of knowing where I am until 9:30. I sigh leaning against one of the tables. Today was super busy so I’m left with a lot of cleanup. I push away from the table moving to pick up the empty baskets and plates from the remaining tables. I quietly hum to myself, as I move swiftly through the tables. I pile the dirty dishes into the sink, and lean over to turn on the radio, three little birds by Bob Marley filters through. I hum along with the song turning on the water. I fill the sink up with soapy water, singing loudly along with the song.   
“Rise up this mornin’ smiled with the risin’ sun” I sing out, my voice louder than the song itself.   
“Three little birds Pitch by my doorstep” I hear JJ’s voice, and I freeze.   
“What the fuck” I call, pulling my hands out of the soapy water, and walking to the front. JJ, John B, and Pope stand at the front door wide smiles on their faces. “How did you get in?” I ask, hands on my hips.   
“You don’t think we know where you keep the spare?” John B arches his eyebrow, I sigh.   
“Okay what are you doing here?” I ask instead  
“Came to help” JJ answers a grin on his face.   
“Ya, we knew this would take forever so we decided you needed us” John B says, I can’t help but smile.   
“Thank you” I smile at them, they shrug.   
“Put us to work” JJ claps his hands together   
“Could you guys put the chair up and make sure everything’s wiped down?” I ask, JJ nods  
“Pope could you help me with the dishes?” I ask, he nods. He follows me to the kitchen. I wash and Pope drys. I can hear John B and JJ singing loudly, and it makes me smile.   
“I ran into Luke today” Pope says, his voice low. I freeze, and turn to him my eyes wide. “Where?” I ask   
“He was on the dock, piss drunk” He says as I hand him another dish.   
“Did JJ see?” I ask because I know JJ and Pope were working together today.   
“No, he was on an order,” Pope says “He was looking for him” Pope adds  
“What did he want?” I ask him quietly   
“He said he missed him at home, and he stuff about loving him and wanting to see him” Pope says his eyes moving to the small waiter's window. I notice his face fall, and my heart stutters. “I haven’t seen him like that in so long, it’s like I forgot” Pope breathes, his tone soft. “I’m mad, that we forgot, or just let it go” Pope says, and I nod.   
“I know, but all we can do now is be here for him,” I say, he nods  
“I feel terrible Kie,” He says, I nod   
“Hey, we’re gonna get him away from his dad and everything is going to be fine” I promise, Pope nods but I can tell he’s still upset.   
“Pope, Kie get in here” JJ’s voice rings out. We rush out, and a smile instantly goes to my face as John B continues to shake his butt to the music.   
“So much for helping” I laugh, as JJ smack John B’s butt.   
“I’m the entertainment” John B quips making me laugh harder. I spot JJ making his way towards me, pointing his finger at me.   
“No” I say just as his fingers clap over my wrist to bring me flush against him. JJ’s hand moves to my waist as he moves us around in slow circles. “I have to finish washing the dishes” I laugh, moving my hands so they’re around his neck.   
“Fine I’ll just dance with Pope” He’s about to break away, but I pull him back to me capturing his lips with mine. He deepens the kiss, and I melt into him.   
“I didn’t know I was that sexy” John B calls and we break apart laughing.   
“So sexy man” JJ quips as we break apart.   
“Too sexy, off the table” I command, he jumps off landing with a soft thud. “Can we finish so I can go get a drink?” I ask, and they all nod.  
…  
The boneyard is packed with people, mainly tourists here for the summer, or Touron’s as we call them. JJ has his arm wrapped around me, holding me close to his side. I spot Lily a couple of feet away, she has a cup in her hand and she’s giggling loudly.   
“Lily” I point out to John B, he nods before walking towards her.   
“Kie” I hear Sarah call. I notice her rushing towards us, the liquid from her cup sloshing out. She stops right in front of us, her cheeks flushed.   
“Sup” She smiles  
“How long have you been here?” I ask, she sips her drink before answering   
“Thirty minutes, and in that time I’ve had a couple lot of drinks” She giggles. “Wheres John B?” She asks looking between us. For some reason I feel like somethings gonna go down tonight.   
“With Lily,” I tell her, she pouts   
“Oh, I mean she’s cute so” She shrugs, downing the rest of her drink.  
“Drinks?” She asks, her eyes wide and bubbly. JJ reaches out as she stumbles forward, and he catches her.   
“Whoopsies” She laughs, pushing her hair away from her face. JJ straightens her, and she nods, planting her feet firmly into the sand.   
“Maybe you guys get the drinks” She giggles, and she reaches out for me. I let her drape her arms over me.   
“Maybe we should sit” I say, as JJ grabs her other arm balancing her.   
“Ya,” She nods. We help her down onto a log, but she still seems too wobbly. So I sit down next to her, holding onto her side.   
“Drink please” She holds out her cup to JJ, who gives me wide eyes.   
“Water” I mouth, and he nods.   
“Why is he with her Kie?” She whispers to me, and I can smell the beer on her breath. I move the hair that flies into her face. Her eyes are glossy, and she’s pouting.   
“Because you broke up with him,” I tell her, she nods and sighs loudly.   
“I was scared, haven’t you been scared before?” She asks, her tone stretches around us. She leans down grabbing a fist full of sand. She begins playing with it, a smile on her hand. I notice how much she acts like a toddler when she’s drunk, it makes me chuckle.   
“Drinks” JJ says handing her a full cup, she takes it happily. Her happiness dissipates as she takes a sip.   
“This is very light” She comments making me laugh “I wanted vodka” She hands the cup up to JJ, who shake this head.   
“This is a new vodka, it has no taste” JJ remarks, and her eyes go wide “Woah” She says, and take the cup back. She takes a big gulp, sighing happily. Lily and John B make their way over to us, hand in hand. I turn to Sarah, who’s staring into her cup, with a big smile. She suddenly looks up, her eyes falling onto their attached hands. I notice her smile slip, and her eyes drop.   
“Hey” She waves at them, her big smile back.   
“Sarah, hey” John B smiles, and she grins toothy back. “You know Lily right?” He adds, and her gaze moves to Lily, who looks at the sand awkwardly.   
“Yes, how could I not know this beauty” She blurts, about to stand, but I hold her still. “You are gorgeous” She tells Lily, who blushes profusely.   
“Thank you” Lily smiles “You’re gorgeous too” She adds, and Sarah coo’s loudly.   
“She’s sweet too, nice one JB” Sarah smirks, but it looks lopsided and toothy.   
“Thanks” John B grins, and I notice Lily move closer to him.   
“Oh JJ brought me a vodka that tastes like nothing, can you believe that?” She quips, her eyes wide with wonder. John B looks at me, and I shake my head slightly.   
“That's crazy” John B laughs, and she nods. I try to hold her down, but she pushes upwards, and springs forward. Her hand lands on John B’s shoulder, her water spilling over her hand.   
“Sorry,” She laughs “I just wanted to say how glad I am we’re friends again” She moves to pull John B into a hug, her arms around his neck.   
“No problem Cameron” John B smiles hugging her back tightly. I notice the look I can only describe as longing pass over his face. Sarah pulls away, and nods, before backing up slightly.   
“Who wants shots?” She cheers, and Pope catches her as she stumbles again.   
“Pope, have a shot with me?” She asks, her words slurring, Pope nods nervously. Sarah ends up dragging us into the crowd of people, towards the keg. That's when I see Topper, his eyes are glued to Sarah’s figure. She stops at the keg, and I notice Topper start towards us.   
“Sarah, I think maybe water instead” I offer, taking the beer from her, she groans  
“Am I that drunk?” She asks, and I nod   
“Water, and then another beer?” She asks, I nod again and she claps her hands together happily. I hand her a glass of water, and try to refrain from cringing at the single-use plastic.   
“Why don’t we just get glass bottles?” I huffed to myself, and I can feel JJ’s hands circle my waist.   
“Cause teenagers suck” He kisses my neck, and I nod in agreement.   
“We have to switch to glass bottles” I exclaim, and Sarah nods sipping her water.   
“Yes we know 100,000 marine animals die a year from plastic entanglement” JJ nods, and I can’t help but smile.   
“See, you’re learning” I smile pecking his cheek lightly, he blushes. “Also close to one million sea birds” I add, pointing to all of them, Lily nods.   
“Sea birds” Sarah giggles to herself, clutching her water tightly.  
“Cameron, drink” JJ orders pointing at her, she looks up at him with wide eyes and nods. I chuckle at the interaction before sitting down beside her. I pull out a joint from my bag, and light it, sucking in the tainted air.   
“Can I?” Sarah asks watching me with wonderment.   
“Ya, course” I hand her the joint, she takes a small puff, coughing loudly. Sarah and I have been smoking more, but she still has trouble keeping it down. She passes it back to me, coughing loudly. I take another hit, before passing it over to JJ. I’ve always been mesmerized by the way JJ lets the smoke billowing from his mouth. It’s just gotten more attractive now. I watch as he sucks in a breath before letting the cloud of smoke fall from his lips. He passes it down, running a hand through his messy hair.   
“Sit” I pat the sand in front of me, he laughs and looks at me confused.   
“I want to play with your hair” I say in a duh tone, he sighs but I can see the smile on his lips as he sits down in front of me. I run my fingers gently over his scalp, he leans back into me. A waft of coconut washes over me as I lean in.   
“Your hair smells good” I comment, JJ tilts his head up smiling   
“Thanks to that hair mask you made me do with you” He explains, and I nod. A couple of nights ago he came over while I was doing a hair mask, and he ended up letting me put some in his hair. I think he secretly was hoping I would, but I don’t say that.   
“Your welcome” I smile down at him, he puckers his lips and I lay a small kiss to his lips. I hear Sarah coo loudly, and it makes me blush and glare at her.   
“Cuties” She points between us, and JJ laughs lightly. “Isn’t young love so adorable” She sighs her eyes moving to John B’, who’s smoking the joint. I freeze at the word love, my heart hammering in my chest. I continue trying to braid JJ’s hair, since it’s grown out, and he doesn’t seem to flinch at the comment. Maybe he didn’t hear it. I pull at his hair, and I hear a low hum form him, it makes my stomach coil tightly. It’s one of his things I’ve noticed, me pulling at his hair. It turns him on and when he's turned on, it turns me on. I run my fingernails lightly over his scalp, forgetting about the braiding adventure. I relish in the way he leans further into me, his eyes closing in the process. I let my nails trail down his neck, massaging gently as I move down. I notice his tense posture, and I start rubbing my hands in soothing circles on his shoulders. Sarah extends her hand toward me, the joint now in front of my face. I grab it from her, placing it between my lips to take a small drag. I lean up and blow out so the smoke doesn’t fall onto JJ. I lean back down about to pass the joint to JJ, when I notice his eyes on me. Their dark and lust-filled making my core heat. I extend the joint to him, and he takes it gently, placing it between his lips. He turns back, to the group, as my hands continue their ministrations on his shoulders and neck.   
“That feels good Kie” He mumbles as I run my fingernails back up into his scalp. Maybe it's my thumping heart or the way my skin light up when he hums, but I tug lightly on the ends of his hair. I can feel him stiffen, and a wicked smile burns on my face.   
“Right Kie” I hear Lily’s voice boom, and I freeze looking up at the group.   
“Sorry I wasn’t listening” I say, and Pope chuckles lowly to himself.   
“I was just asking if you were going to the cleanup next week?” She reiterates, I feel the heat in my cheeks.   
“Ya, I think so” I nod, and she nods back. I take the beer from JJ’s hand taking a deep sip to cool my burning face. The beer is warm, and doesn’t help so I hand it back to JJ, who’s grinning from ear to ear. I shove him lightly, and he chuckles. I stand suddenly, and JJ falls back, looking slightly confused. His eyes find mine, and he arches an eyebrow. I peel off my shirt, and his eyes go wide.   
“I think I’ll go for a swim” I smile brightly, he sits up, his eyes roaming over me. I peel off my shorts throwing them in his direction.   
“Me too” Sarah squeals excitedly. She stands and rips off her dress, cheering loudly. I raise my eyebrow, as a smirk grows on my face. JJ groans placing his hand on his heart before collapsing back onto the log. I laugh running to the water with Sarah. I hear footsteps behind me, and I already know it’s JJ running after me. I squeal and run faster, my heart beating loudly. My toes touch the water just as JJ’s arms go around my waist and pulls me back. I squeal in delight as he spins us.   
“Hey” I laugh, as he walks forward into the cold ocean. “JJ” I yell, but he continues, and I spot Sarah already splashing into the water, her eyes amused.   
“You wanted to go for a swim” He retorts before he dunks us both under the cold water. I feel his hands loosen under the water, letting me paddle upwards. I bob up and let out a long breath. I see JJ pop up beside me, he’s laughing loudly.   
“You fucker” I shiver, my teeth chattering. He swims forward that amused grin sill on his face. I go to swim away, but his hands are already holding me to his chest. Honestly I lean into him, the warmth of his body emanating through me.   
“You’re lucky you’re warm” I comment, interlocking my hands around his neck. He leans forward, pressing a soft but hesitant kiss to my cold lips.   
“That’s not much for an apology kiss” I tilt my head, and he chuckles before pulling me into a deeper kiss. The kiss sends goosebumps over my already chilly body. The kiss turns my insides into jelly, thank god he’s holding me up or I think I’d probably melt into him. He breaks away, both of us breathing hard against each other.   
“I love you” the words fall from my lips before I even realize what I’m saying. His eyes go wide, and I can see the hesitation in them. “It’s not like before when I loved you for being my best friend, I love you now for everything. For being my best friend, and for making me turn into a pile of mush when I see you. I love you for your crazy-ass ideas and adventures. I even love your stupid jokes. I love that I can’t get enough of you when your around, or how I want you around even when I’m angry at you for whatever stupid thing you did. I love you JJ Maybank” I tell him, my voice confident. I can feel my heart beating roughly against my ribcage, and I can feel the small speck of fear that’s threatening to explode if he doest say anything. His eyes are so soft, and glossy, it makes me smile despite him not saying anything.   
“You love me?” He whispers, his voice wobbly and uneven.   
“I love you” I nod, caressing his cheek.  
“I never… I never thought I’d be loved” He says it so simply it breaks my heart “I knew you, John B and Pope loved me but I didn’t think anyone could love me in that way. That no one who really knew me could love me like that.. you know” He says, and I nod. His eyes look into mine, and I can see the truth behind his words, the fear of never being loved it written all over this face.   
“Then I started loving you, and I thought this is it, It’s okay if she doesn’t love me back like that because this is enough” He exclaims “Loving you saved me Kie, and I know how stupid that sounds but loving you showed me I was capable of more, of being more for you” He states, his eyes hard like he’s begging me to believe him.   
“JJ,” I say, but he shakes his head   
“I thought loving you would be enough forever, but you love me back now and I.. I don’t think I can move on from it” He says more to himself than me.   
“You don’t have to that’s the point JJ. I want you, forever” I say, and I realize how true the words are. I want JJ Maybank forever. Maybe it’s being a teenager crazy in love, but I can see us old and just as in love as today.   
“I don’t care if this sounds pathetic Kie, but I couldn’t live without you, not after having you say those words to me, not after getting to be with you” He starts, and I smile widely my heart starts thumping loudly. “So if you don’t see forever say it now so I can pretend to move on, because I can still remember not being loved by you like this,. Just loving you will be enough but after tonight It won’t, I won’t be able to move on. So please tell me now” He sounds broken, like he’s expecting me to say sorry I don’t actually love you.   
“I love you” I say, taking his face in my hands. “I love you” I repeat before I kiss his lips gently.


	19. Work For It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, if you guys have any ideas please comment!!! ❤️

“I’m exhausted” Sarah plops down across from where I’m sitting. She has a giant pair of sunglasses on, and her hair is up in a messy bun. I try not to laugh at the pure misery written on her face. She digs her toes into the sand, and falls backward.   
“Hangover not so great” JJ laughs, and I chuckle against his side lightly.   
“No, I feel like I’ve been run over by a semi” She groans throwing her hands up in exasperation.   
“You were wasted last night so” I nod, and she sits up, pulling off her glasses.   
“I didn’t do anything…” She gives me that look, and I shake my head. “Good” She sighs in relief. I lean further into JJ, laying my head on his chest. Sarah smirks at me, and I put my middle finger up at her making her laugh loudly. JJ’s phone rings out, and he reaches over to grab it off the log. He looks down at it, and a look of urgency passes over him.   
“Work” He turns to me, I move back so he can stand. He leans forward pulling me into a soft kiss, I smile against his lips. I watch as he runs off, sand kicking up behind him. A warm fuzzy feeling shoots through me, making me sigh happily.   
“You two are so in love” Sarah’s voice pushes through my JJ haze. I turn to her, and her eyes widen as she notices my silence, and no doubt blush.   
“We said it last night” I finally say, and she squeals with delight.   
“Details” She urges, as she scoots towards me.   
“Details on?” I hear John B’s voice, both of us turn towards him.   
“I thought you were working” I say, as he sits down next to me. He’s shirtless, and I can see the sheen of sweat over him.   
“Just got off” He responds, running a hand through his hair. “Where’s JJ?” He asks  
“Work” I say, and he nods leaning back against the tree. I notice Sarah’s eyes are downcast, as she plays with some sand.   
“So last night” John B laughs, his eyes on Sarah. She looks up at him, a small blush on her cheeks.   
“Shut up” She remarks, but the smile is evident. John B chuckles, his eyes soft, and filled with emotion.   
“You okay?” He asks her, and she gives him a confused look. “It just seemed like something was wrong” He explains, his cheeks flushing slightly.   
“No, just the usual” She laughs, but it sounds nervous. I stare between the pair a bit dumbfounded at how awkward and nervous they’re acting. They continue asking questions, and laughing squeaky at each other, it’s all very juvenile.   
…  
“No, he definitely still likes her Pope” I say as I help Pope, and JJ load the boat, with supplies.   
“Maybe it’s just awkward because they use to date?” Pope huffs handing JJ another bag.   
“Trust me, it’s more” I say, and he stops bent over with his hands outstretched reaching for another bag.   
“So what’s the issue then?” He asks, and I notice the sweat glistening from his face.   
“The issue Is that he’s using Lily” I exclaim, my hand on my hip. He stands straight now, wiping at his face.   
“Why do we have to deal with it?” He asks, his tone annoyed.   
“Because he’s our friend and I’m always the one nagging, so step up, unless you think it’s fine to use a woman?” I asked tilting my head defiantly. He groans and turns to JJ, who gives him wide eyes, and shrugs.   
“Both of you, please enlighten me,” I ask, my voice hard, JJ turns away from me, packing the rest of the bags.   
“Fine we’ll talk to him” Pope assures me, his face stony.   
“Do you two seriously not get why we have to say something?” I ask lightly, feeling the dejection of the subject. They both turn to me now, their faces curious. “Image liking someone and thinking you could trust them than without knowing it they drop you after all the shit you tell them and do with them, that’s heartbreaking” I explain, and both of their faces fall.   
“Well I didn’t see it like that” Pope says quietly   
“Everyone wants honesty Pope, then at least you are prepared” I tell him, he nods.   
“Do you always have to hit me with the facts Kie?” Pope asks, and I smile brightly.   
“You are supposed to be the smart one” I shove his shoulder making him chuckle.   
“What does that make me?” JJ asks a smirk on his face. “The hot one?” He adds, and Pope huffs out a laugh.   
“More like hotheaded” Pope responds making me laugh, JJ suddenly throws a grape from the bag at Pope’s head. “Don’t dude” Pope yells putting his hands up in defense. Suddenly we’re all pelting random things at each other, laughing loudly.   
…  
Pope and JJ are currently talking John B about Sarah. While Sarah and I sit in my room, with various snacks piled around us. She’s staring intently on the screen, a wide smile on her face. I watch as she reaches in grabbing a first full of the mixed chips, her eyes never leaving the screen. I was curious if John B would make his move, or if he’d still deny his very apparent feelings. She laughs out, and it makes me smile.   
“Can I ask you something?” I blurt, she keeps her eyes on the TV, but I see her nod. “Do you love John B still?” I ask, her eyes spring towards me.   
“What?” She asks  
“You guys were in love right?” I ask, a sad look passes over her when she nods as a response. “Do you still love him?” I ask, she sighs looking back at the TV.   
“I think I always will” She responds, her voice quiet. She leans her head back and closes her eyes. “Is that pathetic?” She asks. I take her hand in mine, and squeeze it gently.   
“No, that’s honest” I tell her, she laughs but it sounds bitter and tight.   
“Ya, I’m really honest” She cries, her eyes open and staring at the TV. “I fucked it up, I got scared Kie and I fucked it up” She turns to me, her eyes glossy.   
“I used Topper as an out, and that wasn’t fair. I just felt like I needed to mess it up.” She explains, her eyes intense.   
“Why?” I ask   
“Its this voice in the back of my head that tells me its too good to be true, that I need to mess it up before it messes me up. That he doesn’t actually care about me” She explains, a tear slipping down her face. “I don’t know why I do it” She whispers, and my heart breaks for her. I reach out to wipe at her face, and she gives me a watery smile.   
“Don’t do it, with JJ I mean. He loves you and you love him don’t fuck it up and don’t let him fuck it up either” She urges “Don’t let him run Kie, because I can assure you all he’ll want is for you to fight and stay” She turns away from me now, and her eyes are back on the TV. I scoot closer to her leaning my head on her shoulder, she leans back into me.   
“I’m sorry he didn’t fight for you” I whisper to her  
“You were there for me, so it’s okay” She responds making me smile.   
“He loves you” I blurt, and I can feel her stiffen “He loves you Sarah, but he was scared too, so maybe now you have to fight for both of you” I explain, my eyes darting over the TV. She doesn’t respond, but I do feel her lean further into me.   
…  
I’m laying beside a sleeping JJ, and I can’t help but replay Sarah’s words in my head “Fight for him.” Would he need me to fight, would he try to push me away. I trace my finger over his chest, landing on his strong beating heart. I felt fear strike inside of me at the prospect of losing him. Would he start running away from me soon? I clutch him tighter, like maybe it’ll keep us together. I lay my head gently on his chest, and close my eyes tightly.   
“I’ll fight for us” I whisper into the darkroom. I knew I would, how could I not fight for him. He’s always fought for me, and if he needs reassurance I’d give it to him freely. I wanted him to know how loved he was, how needed he is. He’s always felt alone, how could he not when he grew up without a mom, and a cold father. A father that blamed him for destroying his life, when all he did was exist. The thought sends a sharp pain through my chest. I could imagine him in his room staring up at the ceiling begging for someone strong to save him. Begging for his father to change, or for a new family altogether. I can feel the sorrow inside of me, it makes me dizzy, and nauseous. I push away the tumultuous thoughts, and vow to fight for him every day. If he does try to run, I’ll talk him down. If he tries to push me away I won’t let him. I’ll fight to keep him, and this feeling of fullness in my life.   
…  
“So Sarah” Pope starts, and I glare at him. John B turns to us, a funny look on his face. He turns back to the boat he and JJ are working on.   
“What about her?” He asks, sounding nonchalant. Pope looks at me shrugging and I sigh.   
“I’m curious if it’s weird?” Pope starts, and I pretend to look down at the book I was reading.   
“Weird?” John B responds, his tone muffled.   
“Ya, any feelings, I mean she is your ex” Pope continues, and I try not to laugh at how awkward it sounds.   
“Ya dude, you still into her?” JJ blurts, and I look up, and he shrugs at me. John B starts laughing.   
“You’ve all just been waiting haven’t you?” He asks, sitting up straight. There’s a big grease stain on his chest, and face.   
“We’re curious” Pope nods, and I stay silent.   
“We’re friends” John B sighs, his eyes on mine now.   
“I didn’t say anything” I shrug, and he smiles.   
“These two don’t actually give a shit” He remarks and I turn to glare at the pair of them.   
“Sorry we’re stupid” JJ smiles widely and I bite down on my lip to keep from smiling back.   
“I just don’t want Lily to get hurt” I relent, and John B runs a hand through his slick hair.   
“You think I’d really hurt her?” He asks, a hurt look on his face.   
“Not intentionally, but you are kind of dumb when it comes to Sarah” I say placing my book down.   
“I’m not” He urges   
“You kind of are, man” Pope interjects and I arch my eyebrow.   
“Am not” He states again, his voice hard   
“Just admit you like her dude” JJ shrugs, squinting from the sun. I notice his shoulders starting to burn slightly from the bright sun, so I pull out my Kokua Reef Safe Sunscreen.   
“I don’t” John B says, his eyes bewildered. I stand and move to JJ, who’s sitting with his legs hanging off the boat. He reaches out to help me on, and I smile gratefully.   
“It’s okay if you do” I insist, squeezing some sunscreen onto my hand.   
“But I don’t” He says again as I start rubbing JJ’s shoulders.   
“Come on” Pope tilts his head at John B, who looks beyond annoyed at us. I rub down JJ’s back, making sure to cover all of it. He turns to face me, a smile on his face. I lean down to peck his lips lightly, smiling into the kiss.   
“What I don’t,” He says  
“You two are always flirting” JJ says as I place some onto his cheeks and ears. Once I finish, he puckers his lips for another small kiss, and I oblige. I turn back to John B, who looks like a petulant child getting scolded by his parents.   
“it’s not a bad thing JB, you just need to tell Lily” I explain   
“I don’t want to be with Sarah” He suddenly blurts, and my eyes widen.   
“Why?” I ask   
“I want to be secure for once, not chasing after someone who..” He looks down “Is it bad to want easy for once?” He asks  
“No, it’s not” I say, he nods “But if you’re denying it just because it’s hard, trust me you’ll regret it” I tell him. He sighs loudly, looking up into the bright sun. I move over to toss him the sunscreen, and he catches it with ease.   
“You’re not gonna rub it on for me too?” He asks a wicked smirk on his face.   
“Not in your wettest bud” I smirk back, and they all laugh loudly. “Pass It to Pope after” I order, and he nods already lathering it onto his arms, and shoulders. “Also you guys aren’t using non-reef safe sunscreens are you?” I huff  
“No, we all got your test to that website,” Pope says, and JJ laughs   
“Ya and the sunscreens you dropped off in all of our backpacks” JJ says, and I nod proudly.   
“Good” I smile.


	20. Heatwave

I could feel the sweat running down my back, that’s how hot it was. My hair soaking in the heat, and pouring it over me. I pull my hair off my neck, sighing in relief.   
“Of course today has to be like this?” Lily cries out as she pokes another piece of garbage from the sand.   
“Ya” I agree, my garbage bag slipping from my clammy hands. “It’s one of the hottest days this summer” I add, and she nods. I try to imagine the boys here, but it only makes me laugh.   
“I asked John B, he said he was working” She blurts like she read my mind. “I think he mostly didn’t want to come” She adds grumpily making me laugh again.   
“Ya, I’ve asked year after year” I nod “They always have an excuse” I huff, and she sighs loudly.   
“So, how are things with you guys?” I ask hopefully sounding natural.   
“Good,” I notice her face flushes, it could be from the sun. “He’s really great” She adds, her smile growing.   
“Ya, he’s okay” I nod, and she laughs loudly.   
“You know I’ve never really had a boyfriend before” She says and I nod “Not that, that’s what we are, you know it’s just almost” She rambles her face beet red now.   
“It’s okay” I assure, she nods “He likes you” I add, and she seems to sigh in relief.   
“I do wish he would just call me his girlfriend” She admits “Is that pathetic,” She asks quickly   
“No, not at all” I smile, she nods again. She smiles to herself happily, and I can’t help but feel guilty. I pock another piece of trash.   
“Maybe I’ll ask him” She blurts, and I’m about to respond when I hear my name being called. We both turn and I spot JJ rushing towards me. He looks frantic and his hair is wild around his head.   
“What are you doing here?” I ask “Aren’t you working?” I ask, he sucks in a breath, his face pink.   
“I’m on break and I wanted to help” He explains, the words coming out rushed and sloppy. I stand there completely shocked. He looks over at Lily, and gives her a small head nod.   
“wow” She blurts, and I nod in response   
“Am I too late?” He asks looking down at my trash bag confused.   
“No, no” I urge “You are just super cute right now” I explain, and I can see his ears turn pink.   
“Oh, thanks” He smirks, running a hand down his grease-stained shirt. I step forward capturing his lips with mine. He deepens the kiss, making me let out a small sigh.   
“I’ll leave you two alone” Lily says, as we break apart “Very romantic JJ, give John B some pointers” She smiles before rushing off.   
“That was very romantic,” I say, and he groans   
“You know me” He smirks, making me smile. “Honestly you just made me feel guilty” He steps back and I can see the hesitation to praise himself.   
“You didn’t feel guilty every other year?” I ask, he runs his fingers through his hair.   
“I wasn’t sleeping with you every other year” He retorts and I shove him laughing. “Kidding, no actually I’m not” He smiles.   
“You’re still very cute” I smile brightly, he sighs.   
“Not sexy?” He asks   
“Sexy too, yes you are very sexy right now” I nod pulling him into another long kiss. We break away and he takes the trash poker from my hand.   
“So I just” He pocks a wrapper, and smiles proudly. “Just kidding I’m a pro you know community service” He winks, and I lean in to kiss his cheek.   
“You guys had to pick the hottest day, right?” He asks wiping the back of his neck and sighing.   
“Kinda requirement” I mock, and he grins as we continue down the beach.   
“So, Lily kind of told me she wants to ask John B to be her boyfriend” I whisper, his eyes widen. “You think I should stop her?” I ask, as he pokes into a plastic cup.   
“No” He remarks   
“Why?” I huff  
“It’s their business Kie” He looks at me, his eyes serious.  
“You don’t believe he doesn’t want to be with her?” I ask hands on my hips, the trash bag slamming against my leg.   
“I think he’s still hurt” He says, and I sigh “And I think Lily makes him happy” He adds, and I nod.   
“But he’s in love with Sarah,” I say, and he shrugs   
“He’s obviously tired of fighting, and I understand why” He explains, and I notice guilt in his eyes.   
“If you love someone you fight for them, that’s not hard” I say, and he turns to me.   
“What if they’re not worth fighting for?” He asks, and a sharp pain shoots through my heart.   
“They're worth fighting for” I respond, my eyes serious. He looks away from me and back down at the sand. I take his free hand in mind and intertwine our fingers.   
“I won’t get involved” I say, and he arches his eyebrow at me a smile on his face. “I’m serious” I say, he leans down to peck my lips lightly.   
“We’ll see how long that lasts” He whispers against my lips, making me chuckle.   
“Fuck off” I respond, and his grin widens.   
…  
“J, you want to go for a walk?” Lily asks as we’re all seated around a small fire Pope made. John B nods, standing up. Pope gives me wide eyes, and I nod. We all watch them walk off, no one saying anything.   
“J?” JJ is the first to speak  
“It’s a nickname” I nudge him with my shoulder, and he sighs   
“J though” Pope agrees  
“So are they together, together, or just seeing each other?” Sarah asks, and I give JJ a small look.   
“He hasn’t told us they’re official” Pope answers her, she nods to herself. I spot Topper a couple feet away, he’s staring at Sarah, with wide eyes.   
“Hey, Topper’s looking” I whisper to Sarah, who looks up catching his eyes. She waves him over, and I can feel JJ stiffen beside me.   
“Hey” He says, a small blush on his cheeks.   
“Hey, how have you been?” She asks, her smile light. He looks over, and they stop on JJ who’s eyes are hard.   
“Good, still sore” He gulps, and I notice he starts tapping the plastic cup.   
“Listen man, no hard feeling about your cousin” He turns fully to JJ now, and I stare with wide shocked eyes. “I’m also sorry about all the other bullshit” He adds.   
“Alright” JJ nods, and Topper nods stiffly back.   
“See you around Sarah” He smiles at her before he turns to leave.   
“I was not expecting that” Pope laughs, JJ nods.   
“He’s nicer once you actually get to know him” Sarah defends. I let my gaze wanders back to Lily and John B, who is now at the water. I can’t tell if the conversation is happy, but I can tear my eyes away from them. I notice Lily push back some hair from her face, as she says something to him. John B turns away towards the water, and she follows.   
“Kie” JJ says, I turn towards him. “You okay?” He whispers.   
“Ya, sorry just distracted” I respond, he pulls me closer to his side, and I tuck my head in the crook of his neck.   
“Oh shit I forgot to tell you guys, guess who I ran into?” Pope sits up, a smirk on his face.   
“Who?” JJ asks sipping his beer. A cold breeze rolls over me, making me shiver slightly. JJ notices and shifts to grab his jacket, placing it over me. I smile thankfully up at him, he grins.   
“Jen” Pope says, and JJ and I turn back to him quickly, our eyes wide. “Ya” He laughs  
“Jen?” Sarah asks, and all of our eyes widen.   
“An old friend” I tell her, she looks intrigued.   
“Is that why all of you look freaked out when I asked?” She quips, her tone accusatory.   
“An old girlfriend of John B’s” JJ admits, her face falls.   
“Emphasis on old” Pope comments and JJ laughs, I bite down so I don’t laugh.   
“I don’t get it” She looks at me, and I shake my head.   
“Ask John B” I say, and she groans.   
“Did she say anything to you?” JJ asks Pope  
“I was with my dad, so no” he explains, and JJ laughs again   
“You guys are being too cryptic” Sarah moans, making us all laugh.   
“Wait should I tell John B she’s back in town?” Pope asks, and I give JJ a look, he sighs.   
“He’ll want to know” I say, and they both nod “But it’s also Jen” I add, and they nod again.   
“So?” Pope asks, his tone anxious  
“Tell him” JJ says, and I nudge him.   
“They were toxic” I whisper, and he shrugs   
“He’d want to know, and it’s his business” JJ says, making me groan loudly.   
“Don't do it around Lily” JJ instructs Pope, who nods vigorously.   
“They're coming back” Sarah points out, we all turn. They stop a couple feet away, and Lily points past them, and whispers something. He nods leaning down to peck her lips lightly. I shift my gaze to Sarah, who’s staring down at the sand her expression sour.   
“That looked intense?” JJ says once John B sits down beside Pope. He scratches his head lightly, a smile on his face.   
“She wanted to define the relationship” He explains, and I keep my gaze on Sarah, who’s now playing with a pile of sand, her eyes focused.   
“And?” Pope urges him on.   
“I like her, so we’re together” He explains shrugging.   
“Boyfriend, Girlfriend?” Pope coos, making JJ laugh, I sigh   
“It’s their business not ours” I mock, and all of them let out a chuckle. “Where did she go?” I ask John B   
“She went to meet friends” He nods.   
“So I ran into Jen” Pope blurts, and John B’s jaw drops. I can see the confusion, and anxiety on his face.   
“What?” He mutters “When, how?” He asks   
“Earlier today, she didn’t say anything to me, I was with my dad” Pope explains, playing with the sand by his feet. I notice John B’s eyes move to Sarah, before quickly retreating.   
“I guess she’s back in town” He mumbles. I can tell he’s trying to be discreet and nonchalant, but it’s not working.  
“Can I know about Jen?” Sarah finally blurts, her eyes wide. John B sighs, and pushes his hair from his face.   
“She’s an ex” he explains, and she nods   
“Why is that a big deal?” She shrugs.   
“She’s older” He responds simply, and she looks intrigued.   
“How much older?” She asks, and I wince tucking myself further into JJ. John B doesn’t answer, he looks down at the sand. “Older than eighteen?” She huffs, and I hear JJ chuckled lightly.   
“She’s older okay, but it’s over now” He explains, his eyes hard.   
“You had an affair with an older woman?” She looks grossed out, and I can’t blame her I freaked when I found out.   
“It’s not a big deal” He hushes her, she groans loudly. She shakes her head, and makes a sour face, which makes me smile.   
“That's a pedo” She says   
“I said that too” I remark, and she nods.   
“She wasn’t a pedo, she was only nineteen” He explains   
“How old were you?” She asks   
“It was a just after I turned sixteen” He sighs, and she groans   
“Or just before?” She responds, and he shakes his head.   
“Why do you care?” He blurts and I can feel the tension expand between us.   
“Why do I care that my ex-boyfriend and friend dated an older woman who took advantage of him?” She asks sounding outraged.   
“It’s fine, it lasted two months and it’s over now” He sighs, and she leans back on her palms.   
“I don’t know you at all” She stammer before standing quickly to walk off.   
“Go after her” I instruct him, he sighs and stands to rush after her.   
“You want to know what I just realized” I blurt, Pope turns to me.   
“Jen’s the tourist he lost his virginity to” I stammer, JJ laughs loudly and I shove him.   
“You never thought they had sex?” JJ asks.   
“Honestly I guess I didn’t, how naive of me” I remark more to myself. “He was only fifteen” I add realizing he lied to Sarah   
“He lost his virginity then they didn’t start dating till he was sixteen.” Pope calcifies.   
“Ugh, that’s sleazy of her” I say, Pope, nods. “So are you still a virgin or have you hid that from me?” I ask him, his eyes widen, and JJ laughs.   
“I’d have told you” He states, and I nod.   
“I hate that I’d want to know” I laugh, and they laugh with me.   
“You think they’ll make up?” Pope asks turning his head in the direction they left.   
“Ya” I respond, as JJ kisses the top of my head.


	21. The Calm Before The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to connect with you all and tell you how thankful I am for the views and comments on my book. I also wanted to mention George Floyd and his death. I don't want to be silent and I want to encourage all of you to speak out for not only him but all of the people of color that lost their lives. Black lives matter, and it hurts me that this still needs to be said, but it does. I hope everyone is safe in these terrible times, and I encourage all of you to do your research and speak for the people who lost their lives. No one should have to be scared to walk down the street. No one should be criminalized just because of the pigment of their skin. Black lives have been oppressed, and criminalized for too long, it is time for a change. It's not enough just to be against racism, today we need to actively be anti-racist, and vocalize that to anybody we can. "If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor."-Desmond Tutu  
> Please everyone stay safe, and help spread the word. ❤️❤️  
> https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd/psf/promote_or_share?recruiter=

JJ’s fingers travel across my thigh lightly, as he continues to debate which Sinister is the best with Pope. We’re all at John B’s place, day drinking since none of us are working for the Fourth of July weekend. We decided that we’d keep it low-key this year, just us getting shit-faced at John B’s. John B and Lily are out getting drinks, and snacks. Lily offered since it was her first fourth of July with us Pogues. I find myself mesmerized by the soft melodic movements of JJ’s fingers against my skin. He doesn’t even notice, it’s a habit of his, like it’s just automatic for him to have a hold on me. He stretches out his fingers as he squeezes slightly. Just a slight pressure increase. It makes me shiver, and blush. I guess I was mesmerized by most things he did.  
“Right Kie,” Pope says. My eyes spring up to meet his in a hurry.  
“What?” I ask, he gives me a weird look.  
“Sinister is better than Sinister two” He explains, and I squint my eyes.  
“I like the characters in the second one better” I admit, and he sighs, and JJ smiles widely. “But the first one has a better plot twist” I add and Pope gives JJ a triumphant look. I go back to focusing on JJ’s fingers on me, it makes my heart speed up. I place my hand on top of his, stilling his movements. I intertwine our fingers gently, and relish in the way his thumb stroked my palm.  
“I brought coolers” Sarah’s voice suddenly bursts over us. We all turn to see her rushing over with a box in her hands. She’s wearing an American flag shirt with her white denim shorts. “You guys aren’t festive” She comments noticing out lack of stripes and stars.  
“Not out style,” JJ tells her, she sighs and plops down next to me.  
“You too Kie?” She asks  
“Kie’s the worst of us,” Pope says and I nod.  
“Fredrick Douglas said it best “What, to the American slave, is your 4th of July? I answer; a day that reveals to him, more than all other days in the year, the gross injustice and cruelty to which he is the constant victim.” I quote, and her smile drops. “Independence day, in my opinion, is just another way to celebrate oppression of people of colour” I add, and she nods. “I didn’t know Kie, I’m sorry,” She says, and I wave her off.  
“I’m okay with people who celebrate, I just chose not to” I explain, she nods.  
“It’s just another excuse for us to drink, but it’s more about not celebrating” JJ explains to her, she gives him a confused look. “We don’t celebrate America becoming independent we celebrate our free will to decide” He adds, and she nods.  
“And I always thought you weren’t listening” I laugh, he turns to me, his eyes wide.  
“Desmond Tutu said it best” He starts “If you are neutral in the situations of injustice you have chosen the side of the oppressor” He quotes, and a smile burst onto my face. He turns pink at my in awe expression.  
“What my girlfriend is a person of colour as well as my best friend. It’s time for me to become more involved” He says before taking a sip of his beer.  
“I’m still shocked you quoted someone that wasn’t from some weird Sci-fi” Pope laughs, and JJ shoves him.  
“Fuck you,” He says, making us all laugh.  
“I’m glad you’re using your white privilege to educate yourself” Pope nods, a proud smile on his face.  
“I’m trying to” He nods, and I nuzzle closer to him.  
“Thank god I’m wearing my bathing suit under” She pulls off her shirt  
“Sarah you don’t have to,” I say, she shakes her head.  
“I want to” She exclaims, and I nod.  
“Guys we need some help” John B calls, and JJ untangle himself from me, and him and Pope rush off.  
“Should we go?” Sarah asks  
“No, I’m too tired I’ve been carrying oil jugs at work all week” I groan melting into my chair, Sarah laughs.  
“So, how was your chat with John B last night?” I ask, she shrugs  
“Fine” She nods, but she looks away from me.  
“Just fine, you were pretty mad and them you scurried off right after,” I say, and she nods.  
“Just overreacted I guess” She explains shrugging. I could tell something was off, but I decide to leave it alone. Plus JJ carrying a big bag of coal kind of distracted me. His arms were bulging and it was quite the sight.  
“Didn't want to help?” John B asks, his voice strained from the cooler he was carrying.  
“Sorry filled my heavy lifting quota for the week” I smile widely at him, he grins.  
“Fuck you” He says making Sarah laugh lightly. So they were getting along somewhat. I stand them stretching my stiff bones, before I make my way to the van to help.  
“You’re lucky I have a conscience” I stick my tongue out at John B who laughs. I notice Lily’s in the front seat talking on the phone. I move to the open door and grab the last small cooler.  
“I’m not coming mom, I already told you” I overhear Lily say, her tone is hard, and annoyed. “I’m not discussing it” She adds and I, turn away not wanting to eavesdrop. I drop the cooler by John B, who’s laughing at Pope and JJ wrestling.  
“Is she okay?” I ask him, he turns to face me, his smile dropping slightly. “Lily” I clarify.  
“Her parents want her to go to that Kook barbecue” He explains.  
“She doesn’t want to?” He shakes his head in response. I feel a pair of arms wrap around my middle, pulling me back into their chest.  
“JJ” I breath, a laugh escaping my lips. He kisses my neck slowly, making goosebumps rise on my skin. “JJ” I whisper feeling my heart rate pick up, as his lips move gently across my skin.  
“You smell so good” he mumbles against my skin.  
“Coconut Sunscreen” I reply, making him chuckle. I crane my neck so I can catch his lips with mine, the chuckle dying on his lips. I spin myself around in his arms, clasping my hands around his neck to dig him closer. He moans lowly making me flush all over. I break away breathing rapidly. His eyes are swirled with lust, matching mine.  
“Don’t look at me like that” He whispers, as I lick my lips slowly.  
“Don't kiss me like that then” I retort, and he groans. I pull him into another heated kiss, one that makes me dizzy.  
“Guys come on” I hear Pope call, we break away again, this time stepping away from each other.  
“Sorry” I mumble feeling my cheeks flush. They’re all staring mouths open and eyes wide.  
“You guys are gross,” John B says, I chuckle.  
“Sue me I have a very sexy girlfriend” JJ pulls me to his side, making me smile brightly at him.  
“Why are you two hornier than usual?” Pope asks, and JJ chuckles. I could feel my skin heat with embarrassment, at our obvious enthralment.  
“They're in love, leave them” Sarah insists, and I sigh.  
“Love eww” John B jokes, making us all laugh. I notice Sarah and him exchange a small smile, one that seems loaded. They quickly look away so I can’t examine it further.  
“Kie?” JJ’s voice makes me look away from the pair. He gives me an amused look, as I look up at him, confused.  
“Sorry?” I mumble, his smile drops.  
“You okay?” He whispers.  
“Ya, sorry just distracted” I smile, his eyes travel over my face as if to catch any hints that I’m not actually okay. “I promise it’s nothing” I lean up to peck his lips, he nods, moving to kiss my lips lightly again.  
“You want a beer?” He asks, I nod eagerly. He moves to the cooler, while I plop back down on my seat. My eyes move back to Sarah and John B, who are both laughing while Pope explains something to Lily.  
…  
“The fireworks are starting,” I say against JJ’s lips, that doesn’t seem to deter him from deepening the kiss. I melt into it, forgetting about the stupid fireworks. I let my fingers travel down his sides, and up his shirt to feel his soft skin. He gently nudges me backwards until I feel the wall against me. He breaks away, his eyes wild and sexy.  
“Still want to go watch the fireworks?” He asks slightly breathless. I shake my head before pulling him back down to me. I moan as he tangles his fingers through my hair, making me dizzy with lust. I start tugging his shirt up as a signal for him to pull it off, he obliges. I rack my fingers down his strong chest as he trails hot kisses down my neck and collarbone. His hands dig into my hips send a delicious tingle through me. I arch forward so he can pull off my shirt, before continuing his path down my chest.  
“Fuck, Kie, we should stop” he breaths against my neck, making me shiver “or at least go to the room” he adds quickly. I push at his chest so he can pull away and I can look at his face. His eyes are dark and make me shiver. I move my hand so it rests gently on his cheek, he kisses my thumb lightly.  
“I love you,” He says, and the words spark excitement in my heart. I beam, and he chuckles.  
“I love you” I grip his face in my hands and capture his lips with mine. This kiss is slower, but it feels more intense, it makes me moan lowly. But it soon becomes frenzied. All tongues, and wondering hands until we’re both tripping towards the room that’s unofficially JJ’s. The door swings open, and we laugh as it bounces back at us. His hands are on my hips as he walks back to the bed, his eyes glued to mine. I move to rest my lips at the corner of his mouth, relishing in his intake of breath. We bounce back onto the bed, and I move so I’m now straddling him. I continue to move my lips down his soft skin. Sucking gently on his pulse point.  
“Kiara” he moans my name, and it makes heat coil tightly in my stomach.  
“Guys get decent” we hear John B call from outside the door. I sit up breathing hard, as his fingers dig into my hips. He closes his eyes and takes a steadying breath. “I’m serious, outside in five” He adds before we hear his retreating footsteps.  
“You think he means it?” He asks, eyes still closed. I trail my hand up his chest my eyes mesmerized by the lines and grooves.  
“Yes, unfortunately” I sigh. His eyes pop open, and I can see the lust, it makes me shiver. I can’t help the small smile that makes it way onto my face.  
“Don’t look at me like that, it’s not helping” He groans making me chuckle lightly.  
“Oh you mean this isn’t helping” I fake innocence as I lay a small kiss on his collarbone.  
“Kie” he warns, and I shrug before move just an inch to lay another small kiss there. I continue slowly, and I can feel his heart racing under my lips, it only urges me on.  
“Kiara” He stammers clearly flustered. I love when he says my full name, it always sounds so carnal. I lift my gaze to his, and I’m met with deep dark eyes. I sit back up and smile brightly down at him. Suddenly his seductive eyes fall, and he looks serious, too serious.  
“What?” I ask, feeling the heat on my neck and cheeks.  
“You’re amazing” He breathes, and I let out a small laugh.  
“I mean” I smirk, but his eyes are too intense  
“I’m serious, you are so fucking amazing” he exclaims, and I don’t know how to respond. “I use to think you were too good for everyone in this fucked-up town, that one day you were going to make it out and change the world,” He says, his voice fierce  
“Use to?” I joke, but It doesn’t seem funny  
“Now I know you’re going to change the world,” He says, and my heart falters in my chest. “You know, my dad always told me I was a waste of space, and that no one could ever love me” He chokes on the words, and I shake my head.  
“It’s not true” I state, he nods.  
“It’s fine, I just mean he use to tell me that and I believed him, I know how pathetic it sounds but I really thought… “ He breaks off, like it’s too painful for him to say “I thought I wasn’t worth loving,” The words slice through me. “I got really use to that idea, that’s why it was so easy to just sleep around and not care, because I never expected to actually have this” He points between us, and I let out a water laugh. “But loving you, it’s change me Kie. Being loved by you has changed me” He says, and now I feel the tears on my cheeks. “You made me realize I’m worth loving and I can’t thank you enough for that, I don’t even know how to start honestly” He exclaims.  
“JJ” my voice is wobbly, and he reaches up to wipe under my eyes.  
“Thank you for loving me Kiara Carrera” He states. I can’t express the warm fuzzy feeling floating through me, so instead I crush our lips together, hoping that says enough for now.  
…  
JJ holds me against him and I lay my head on his chest, as the fireworks explode around us. Bright red bursts through the sky, and I feel maybe for the first time completely happy. I can’t explain it really, but in this moment I have everything I want. I move my gaze to JJ who’s staring up at the sky with wide eyes, he’s everything I want. The thought sends a jolt through me. A tiny speck of fear runs up my spine at the thought of losing this, and him. But I shove it away, tonight has been too amazing to let my own self-doubt ruin it. I snuggle closer to him, as he presses a gentle kiss to the top of my head. I move my gaze to Pope, who’s smiling brightly up at the exploding colours. John B and Lily are snuggled together, as they stare up at the sky. Sarah sits beside them, and I notice her eyes aren’t on the bright light in the sky but on John B. She looks longingly at him, his eyes move away from the sky and down to her. He gives her a soft smile, and she returns it. Their smiles again seem loaded, like maybe it was more to them. She pushes her hair from her face, and his eyes travel lovingly over her. It felt like more than just two friends sharing a moment, something was different. I couldn’t help the voice in my head that told me something happened, somethings happening now. I didn’t want to believe it, not when Lily stood two feet away from me. Her head was on John B’s chest, completely oblivious to the pairs loving stares.


	22. Loyalty

I couldn’t help but notice how often Sarah and John B snuck off, or made excuses to go somewhere alone. He was still with Lily, and I couldn’t help but feel like they were sneaking off to be together. They were always laughing and smiling at each other. It seemed off, like something was different. I haven’t confronted them, and honestly, I wouldn’t know what to say. I notice Sarah place her hand gently on his arm as she passes him. He smiles at her, it’s a fond smile, a secret smile. I turn to look at Lily, who’s leaning back her eyes up, facing the sun. Her strawberry hair looks brighter in the sun. I feel JJ’s hand move up my thigh, squeezing slightly. It brings me back to him, and away from the confusing threesome. His eyes are concerned, as he looks at me.   
“Have you noticed something weird between John B and Sarah?” I whisper, his gaze moves over to John B. Who now is next to Lily, leaning back with his hands under his head.   
“No,” He says, and I sigh   
“I feel like they’ve been weird” I explain, and he arches his brow. “Flirty” I add, and he leans back into his chair.   
“They’ve been friendly I guess” He nods, his eyes squinted due to the sun.   
“More than that” I huff.  
“You think they’re doing things behind Lily’s back?” He leans closer to me, his voice barely above a whisper.   
“I think it’s weird” I stammer, and his face turns hard. “I’m going to go talk to Sarah” I stand, but JJ reaches for me, grabbing hold of my writs.   
“Kie” He pleads, I sigh   
“I’m curious,” I say, and he lets go of my hand.   
“Doesn’t matter what I say does it?” He chuckles   
“Not about this, sorry” I lean down to peck his lips lightly. He sighs leaning his head back in annoyance. But I see the smile playing on his lips. I find Sarah in the Kitchen on her phone a wide smile on her face.   
“Hey,” I say, she startles and looks up her face contorted with fear.   
“Geez Kie” She sighs, placing her phone down “You scared me” She laughs, I nod.   
“Sorry” I reply, she nods.   
“Can we talk?” I ask, she pushes her hair behind her ear and nods. “I just feel like you’ve been preoccupied lately we haven’t hung out in a bit, and I just wanted to ask is there a guy?” I blurt, her eyes widen slightly   
“What, no” She stammers her cheeks stained pink. I notice her hand moves over her phone in a hurry, as it beeps. “I’ve just been busy, I guess” She adds, her tone frantic.   
“Okay,” I nod, not wanting to assume anything. “You could tell me though, no matter what, right?” I ask, her face softens and she nods.   
“Of course Kie, you’re my best friend” She reaches out taking my hand.   
“I just wanted to ask, you know to make sure you knew that I’d be here for you even if you felt like you couldn’t tell me for whatever reason” I explain  
“Ya, of course” She smiles widely. “sorry if you think I’ve been absent, that sucks of me” She laughs  
“No, I just wanted to check in” I affirm, she takes my hand and we start back outside.   
“Well, we should hang out, have one of our sleepovers” She grins, and I nod. “Not tonight, I have family stuff” She blushes, I nod again. I notice John B’s eyes on us as we walk out, he quickly turns back to Lily. I walk back to JJ, who’s basically asleep in his seat. He opens one of his eyes when I plop down next to him.   
“So?” He whispers, looking intrigued.   
“They’re definitely doing something,” I say, and he raises his eyebrow, surprised.   
“She told you?” He asks   
“No, I just know, I have a feeling” I explain, and he chuckles lightly. “Shut up” I shove him, and he chuckles loudly. “JJ” I start laughing too, making him laugh harder.   
“It’s cute how much you worry” He smiles pulling me into his side.   
“Shut up” I murmur, he kisses the top of my head.   
“You know it’s kind of nice sharing secrets” He muses quietly. I crane my neck to look up at him. “It’s nice that you confide in me Kie” He explains, and I nod smiling.   
“I’ll prove it to you” I blurt, making him laugh loudly again.   
…  
I have the day off so I decided to go see John B, since Sarah is busy with family and he’s then only one free. Plus I’m intrigued to see if Sarah really is spending the day with her family. I walk into the chateau like always, listening for any noises.   
“John B” I call walking further into the empty house. I hear rustling and he rushes In from the back. He’s sweaty, his cheeks pink and flushed.   
“Hey” I smile, he looks a bit confused “Just thought I’d drop by” I add, he looks back out the door.   
“Ya, just working on the boat” He coughs, and I notice his greasy shirt.   
“Want some help?” I ask, he coughs again pushing some hair from his face.   
“You know I have to go to work soon,” He says, his voice higher than usual. I hear a bang and the situation finally hits me.   
“John B” I scold, he blushes “Are you serious” I command, he raises his eyebrows.   
“It’s not a big deal Kie,” He says, and I can feel my anger.   
“It is, how could you do that to someone, do you have any idea how fucking stupid it makes you?” I ask, stepping closer. “You can’t betray someone like that just because you found something else” I add harshly, and he looks confused.   
“Kie I’m confused,” he says, and I huff.   
“You’re cheating on Lily with Sarah,” I say, my voice ice-cold.   
“No, wait what?” He asks, his cheeks red now.   
“She’s outside right?” I ask, he looks back and shakes his head.   
“Lily’s out there,” He says, and I freeze. “We were” He blushes and doesn’t finish the sentence but I understand.   
“Shit” I mumble   
“You thought Sarah and I were?” He asks, I sigh   
“You guys just seem different with each other” I explain feeling the heat on my neck.   
“You really think I’d do that?” He asks, and I sigh   
“I’m sorry” I express, his face softened and he nods.   
“You two continue tell her hi for me,” I say backing up, just as Lily opens the back door. Her face is flushed, and clearly embarrassed.   
“Hi” She smiles   
“Hey, sorry I interrupted” I stammer, she shakes her head.   
“You can hang out” She smiles.   
“No, no, no it’s definitely fine” I flush moving backward to the door. I wave and rush off feeling the embarrassment of the situation settle on me. JJ wasn’t gonna let me live this done.   
…  
After everyone was done work, they all met at my house, since my parents were out of town. Sarah was the last to show up, her face annoyed and stiff.   
“What happened?” I ask, she huffs thawing her overnight bag down.   
“My parents suck ass” She states walking towards the living room. “I basically need a drink” She laughs. When she spots everyone her eyes land on Lily, and she freezes.   
“Hey” She smiles, Lily smiles back.   
“What happened with your parents?” John B asks, his face concerned.   
“Nothing” She responds harshly, John B looks away from her. She sits next to Pope, who’s spread out reading intently.   
“Drinks?” I ask, everyone nods.   
“JJ,” I say, he stands groaning and we head to the kitchen.   
“So you know how you said Sarah and John B weren’t anything, and I was reading too much into things?” I ask, pulling open the fridge.   
“I didn’t say all that, but yes I remember” He laughs, and I sigh   
“So I might have told John B off about it” I blurt   
“What did you say?” He asks   
“He was with Lily and I didn’t see lily so I assumed it was Sarah and I think he was just hurt” I explain quickly “So basically I think I might have jumped the gun” I sigh feeling stupid.   
“So you don’t think anything weirds going on?” He asks picking at the bowl of grapes on the counter.   
“Well, he looks upset that I assumed” I pull out the pack of beers JJ brought, as well as some regular drinks. “Why, what do you think?” I ask him  
“I think maybe, and I’m saying maybe Kie” He points at me “They could be doing something” he finishes, and my jaw drops   
“You saw something” I exclaim, he shakes his head   
“I just picked up on something weird that’s it” He shrugs and I smile.   
“They flirt too much,” I say, and he nods   
“For someone who has a girlfriend ya” He agrees  
“I’m so smart honestly,” I say, and he laughs   
“Don't get ahead of yourself, we don’t know for sure” He says grabbing the drinks form my hands.   
“Fine, but just watch” I instruct and he laughs moving to peck my lips.   
“Should I bring snacks?” I ask as we break away, he nods  
“Definitely baby,” he says in an overzealous voice making me laugh. We walk out both of our arms full of snacks and drinks. Lily is laughing at something John B is saying to her, while Sarah glares at the pair. I pass her a beer, and she quickly looks away pasting a smile onto her face.   
“So first are the conjuring’s” I explain plopping into JJ’s lap, he shifts so I fit nicely into the spot between his legs.   
“Scary?” Lily asks, her eyes wide   
“Sorry it’s tradition” I smile at her, she tunnels into John B’s side.   
“It’s not even scary” Sarah blurts, her tone less than friendly or joking.   
“You hated it the first time you watched it” Pope interjects putting his book down to grab some popcorn, she sighs.   
“Now I do” She shakes her head at him, he puts his hands up in surrender making me chuckle.   
“Okay, everyone shut up and get ready for cinematic history” JJ instructs loudly, his hand moving to circle around my waist pulling me flush against his chest. “Suss” He whispers to me, and I can’t help the laugh that bellows out of me. Pope pushes my leg and I mouth sorry. I notice John B’s eyes on Sarah as she stares angrily at the TV. Something is definitely going on.   
…  
Everyone fell asleep pretty early on, their snores filling the room. Pope lets out a loud snore waking me, with a start. I clutch tightly onto JJ’s shirt, letting my eyes roam around the very dark room. I relax my grip and let my hand drift over his chest lightly. I look up at JJ’s sleeping face, and I have to squint to make him out in the very dim light coming from the static TV screen. I feel his grip tighten around me, pulling me further on top of him. I try to move back but his other hand wraps around my waist, locking me in place. I chuckle lightly, wiggling one of my hands-free from his grasp. I place it gently on his cheek and push it lightly.   
“JJ” I whisper close to his lips, he groans but the snoring continues. “JJ” I repeat, I feel his posture stiffen under me, so I assume he’s awake. He shifts just slightly, but makes no move to let me go. “I can’t sleep on top of you” I whisper to him, and he chuckles softly. The chuckle vibrated through me, making me blush slightly.   
“You’ve done it before” He responds, his voice raspy with sleep, I shove his cheek and he chuckles.   
“Let me go” I command lightly, trying to keep the humor from my voice.   
“What if I don’t want to?” He asks, and I can feel the heat of our bodies, it’s making my brain fog.   
“JJ” I whine, and he leans up capturing my lips in a searing kiss. I feel the familiar thrumming of my heart, and the feeling of my blood pumping faster through my veins. I move to my hand is on the base of his neck, holding his lips to mine.   
“I hate you” I murmur after we break apart, he laughs   
“You’re in the mood night, right?” He asks, and his voice is so low it vibrates through me again.   
“Yes” I admit, and his arms loosen around me.   
“Upstairs?” He asks, and I feel the excitement rush through me.   
“Ya, but quiet” I shift off him, staring down at the floor, so I don’t run into any sleeping bodies. I feel JJ’s arm move to my lower back, clutching onto my shirt. I hear a small noise, it sounds far away, but I freeze. JJ bumps into me, and his arm wraps instinctively around me.   
“Did you hear that?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper.   
“No” He responds hushed. I wait a couple seconds listening for another sound, but it’s quiet.   
“Is it weird that your fridge doesn’t hum?” JJ suddenly asks as we continue forward.   
“No, it’s never hummed” I respond  
“Oh, it’s a rich fridge,” he says, and I chuckle.   
“I guess so, because it doesn’t sound like John B’s fridge” I laugh, he laughs along lightly. Suddenly I hear a louder bang, and it sounds like it’s coming from the kitchen.   
“I heard that” JJ muses quietly. I can feel my heartbeat quicken, and fear pulses through me.   
“Wait here, I’ll go see” JJ whispers, almost pushing me behind him.   
“No” I grip his shirt, and he turns and a small light comes on cascading light onto his face.   
“A robber wouldn’t do that,” He says turning towards the light, I nod. He takes my hand and we walk towards the kitchen quietly. “You think it woke them up?” I hear Sarah’s voice, and we both freeze, making sure not to be seen from the doorway.   
“No, I don’t hear anyone” John B responded. They were alone in the kitchen in the middle of the night!   
“Come on Sarah, you can’t be mad,” He says, and I move just an inch so my body is next to JJ’s instead of behind him.   
“I can” She huffs angrily   
“You know what you mean to me, and you know I have a girlfriend,” He says, and my jaw drops. I was right!   
“Ya, but it’s not easy for me to see you two together” She demands, and I look up at JJ, he looks just as shocked as me. “You told me you were going to break it off with her” She adds, and the events from earlier pop into my head. He definitely wasn’t breaking up with her then.   
“I will, it’s just complicated, I don’t want to hurt her,” He says, and I almost scoff out loud.   
“I wish you could be selfish for once,” Sarah says, and my eyes widen.   
“I’m being selfish right now,” he says, and I can hear their rushed kiss. I turn to JJ, my eyes wide and angry.   
“What do we do?” He mouths, and I don’t think about it I just burst into the kitchen. The pair were up against my fridge, mouths frenzied.   
“Excuse me,” I say, and they spring ten feet apart. Both of their faces are mortified staring back at me.   
“What the fuck?” I ask, and John B steps forward, his eyes wide.   
“Kie, um we,” He stammers   
“I heard everything, and what the fuck are you two doing?” I ask again, this time to John B specifically.   
“It just happened and I’m going to tell Lily” he exclaims, Sarah steps forward, her gaze on the floor.   
“You should have told her right when it happened John B,” I say, and he nods “I confronted you about it and you lied” I add, he nods again.   
“I was scared Kie, and embarrassed” He pleads and I sigh   
“You lied to Sarah” I turn to her, she looks up at me her eyes glossy.   
“We love each other,” She says, and I refrain from cringing at the cliché statements their making.   
“I don’t care, just tell Lily or I will,” I say, and they both nod. I turn back to JJ who’s leaning against the doorframe. “Let's go,” I tell him grabbing his hand, he nods. I move out of the kitchen but I’m pulled back suddenly.   
“Think about If the roles were reversed, and think about how you two would feel,” JJ says, his tone firm. Then he leads us up the stairs and to my room.   
…  
I run my finger up and down JJ’s chest softly, my mind moving a mile a minute. I never expected John B and Sarah to actually be cheating, it was more of a false inclining. I guess I didn’t want to believe they were doing it. I start to imagine myself in that situation, and I feel a deep pain inside my chest.   
“I wouldn’t” JJ’s voice fills the room.   
“What?” I ask   
“I wouldn’t do that” He reiterates. I’m shocked, it was like he was in my brain sometimes.   
“I know” I reply, my voice soft.   
“You do?” He asks. I lean onto my elbow resting my chin on his chest lightly.   
“You're not the type, plus you’re obsessed with me” I smile widely, he chuckles.   
“I love you” He smiles brightly at me. The pain in my chest is gone, and I feel warmth radiating through me.   
“I love you” I grin back. He shifts so once again I’m on top of him, his eyes are dark and filled with lust. “Again?” I ask, he smiles and captures my lips with his.


	23. Moral Compass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update!! I really hope you guys like the chapter, and any feedback would be appreciated❤️

I wake up to a loud bang, it makes me spring out of bed, my heart racing. JJ flings upwards his eyes sleepy and confused. I listen for another bang but we don’t hear anything. I shift, so my legs hang off the bed.   
“What time is it?” JJ asks, falling back onto his pillow. His eyes are shut, and he clutches the pillow tightly. I look over at my clock.   
“Eight-thirty” I respond standing. I pick up my discarded clothing from the floor and shove them into my hamper.   
“Why are they up” He moans, his voice sounding choppy.   
“Probably because of Lily, she’s an early riser” I move to my closet and grab some clothes to throw on. I hear JJ shift on the bed, as he lets out a groan.   
“Last night happened right, it wasn’t just a weird dream?” JJ asks as I pull my shirt over my head.   
“No, it happened” I remember sourly. I grab my fluffy sweater and pull it on feeling a slight chill in the air. I feel JJ’s arms wrap around me from behind, it brings a smile to my face.   
“I know you’re mad, but just give him time to tell Lily” He places a soft kiss to the crook of my neck.   
“I’m more disappointed in them” I sigh, he squeezes me tighter  
“I know” He agrees “You can’t be that surprised though, you did guess it” He adds  
“I didn’t actually expect it, I was hoping I was wrong” I groan, he spins me around so we are face to face.   
“Stop feeling guilty” He orders, his tone firm   
“I just feel shitty for Lily” I mumble looking down between us. He reaches for my chin, pulling my gaze back to him.   
“It’s not your fault Kie, they made the mistake” He looks intensely into my eyes, and I nod slowly. Still gripping my chin, he pulls me forward and connects out lips, in a dizzying kiss. I wrap my arms tightly around him, deepening the kiss. His hand moves down my chin to my neck, and then between my breasts before landing on my hipbone. He squeezes slightly, and I feel the familiar whoosh of the blood in my veins. It’s scary how he can make everything else disappear around me. We finally break apart breathing hard.   
“Let's go down and see the damage they made” He laughs against my lips, which are still tingling. He quickly pulls on his clothes and we head downstairs. No one is in the living room where we left them so we head to the kitchen where we can hear people laughing.   
“Morning” Lily smiles widely when she sees us.   
“You two snuck off last night, really?” Pope turns, his mouth full. I feel my cheeks heat, and simply nod.   
“Lily and John B didn’t” Pope comment, and I feel a pang In my chest.   
“They don’t have a room here, and a comfier bed” JJ comments shoving Pope before sitting next to him. I move between the boys, deciding I don’t want to sit next to Sarah right now. I keep my eyes on Pope, who’s forking down his pancakes. “You didn’t have to cook” I smile at Lily, she flips a pancake and shrugs, her cheeks pink.   
“I love to cook, plus John B loves my pancakes” She beams up at him, my stomach plummets. She pecks his cheek, and I quickly look away. JJ grabs a plate quickly piling on the syrup. I grab a fork and take a small piece from him, they are really good.   
“So what’s the plan for today?” Pope asks, pushing his plate away from him.   
“Dude I work in like two hours,” JJ says, mouth full. He pushes the last piece towards me and I take it gladly.   
“I have a shift tonight” I mumble, he nods.   
“What about you two?” He nods at John B and Lily, who are whispering to each other.   
“I’m taking Lily on a romantic date” John B responded, his eyes traveling to mine.   
“And Sarah let me guess, some weird Kook dinner with the family?” Pope turns to her, she nods, her eyes glued to her plate.   
“I actually should go” She stands and I look away back to the counter. She doesn’t say anything else before she leaves. Pope gives me a weird look, I shrug moving to the fridge to grab some juice.   
“We’re actually gonna go too,” John B says as I pull out the orange juice. Lily hugs me quickly with a wide smile on her face. I watch as the couple holds hands and heads out.   
“What's up?” Pope asks, his face suspicious.   
“Nothing” I mutter, he huffs.   
“Kie” He urges, and I look over at JJ who nods.   
“We caught John B and Sarah making out” I explain, my voice stiff and cold. Pope doesn’t seem too shocked, and that surprises me. “Pope” I question, he sighs.   
“I kind of assumed,” He remarks, and I arch an eyebrow at that. “They were pretty blatant” He shrugs, and I sigh.   
“So you don’t think it’s a big deal?” I ask   
“I didn’t say that, I just kind of assumed” He explains, I pour my juice in a cup and take a small sip.   
“Well it’s fucked up” I state  
“You think he’ll tell her?” He asks, his tone apprehensive. I move my gaze to JJ, who gives me a strange look.   
“He has to, or I will” I state   
“Who does he want to be with?” Pope asks, I look towards him now, and shrug.   
“Sarah said they were in love” JJ adds in  
“Did he say that?” Pope asks, and that sentence leaves a weird feeling in my gut.   
“You think he’ll chose Lily?” I ask Pope runs his hand over his chin, and shrugs. “Why?” I ask genuinely curious.   
“I think with Sarah it’s more of a risk” Pope explains plainly. I shift and wonder if that’s how he was thinking.   
“Well he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing regardless” I stammer, they both nod in unison.   
…  
My shift was dragging, hardly anyone was coming in, and I was here till closing. Which thankfully was only fifteen minutes away. I lean against the countertop, staring at the group of friends at the back table. They laugh loudly, one of the girls reaching over to snatch some fries from her friend's plate. He swats her hand away, but she only grins wider, and his eyes soften. She pulls away with a handful of fries, while he sighs leaning back into the chair. Sometimes I wonder if that how it looked with JJ and me. If it was obvious that we wanted more. It seemed so completely out of reach at the time. Hell, it seemed out of reach a couple of months ago. One of the girls looks bored and I can tell she’s begging them to leave, so I stand ready to give them their bill and close up. The girl with the fries waves me over, a wide smile on her face.   
“All done” I beam actually thrilled.   
“Ya, thank you” She smiles kindly. I put the bill down in the middle of the table, the pair springs their hands forward to grab it.   
“I’ll get it this time” She exclaims, and he shakes his head.   
“Come on” He smiles, and I can see her soften, she’s gonna give in. She pulls back, her cheeks tinting pink. He places some cash inside the black book, and hands it back to me.   
“No change,” He says, I nod   
“Thank you guys for coming” I smile brightly, ushering them outside. I lock the door behind them, knowing no ones gonna come, in the next fifteen minutes. I start piling the baskets and plates from the table, letting the small task distract me from all my raging thoughts. A soft knock sounds at the doors, and I freeze, confused. I place the basket in my hand down on the table, and head towards the door. I open it just an inch, ready to tell whoever it is that we’re closed, but I hesitate when I see Sarah staring back at me.   
“Can I come in?” She asks, her voice shaky. She was wearing an oversized sweater and some sweats, her hair messy.   
“I thought you had something with your family?” I ask her  
“I told them I was sick, can I please come in Kie?” She rushes out, this time her voice more steady. I open the door, and she walks in quickly, like I might change my mind. She stops at the table that I haven’t cleared yet, turning back to face me. “I know what you probably think” She exclaims, sounding frantic.   
“I don’t think anything” I lie, crossing my arms, she huffs.   
“Kie come on you’re mad,” She says defensively.   
“I wonder why?” I reply sarcastically, she shuts her eyes tightly.   
“It’s not simple” She opens her eyes, their glossy. “I love him” She adds, and I try not to roll my eyes. I knew love changed you, but this was over the line.   
“That doesn’t matter, you should have waited till he ended things with Lily” I spit, angrily.   
“I.. I know, it just happened so fast and.. god Kie I don’t know why, but it happened and I can’t stop, it’s like he’s engraved in me” She steps closer to me, her voice high-pitched.   
“You can’t excuse this Sarah, what you guys did is…” I don’t even know how to describe it. “It’s heartbreaking” I finish, a tear drops from her eye and she quickly wipes it away.   
“So you just hate me now?” She whimpers, her eyes wide.   
“I don’t hate you, I’m just disappointed and confused” I explain, she nods. She wipes under her nose before she pulls out a chair and sits down.   
“I know, god Kie, I’m so sick about it, I feel terrible, like horrible” She cries turning back to me, tears falling down her cheeks. I felt a pang in my chest, but I stayed frozen in place. “Why did I do it?” She asks, shutting her eyes and shaking her head.   
“Because you love him” I respond, the words falling out of me. She opens her eyes and sniffles.   
“What do I do?” She asks, her voice breaking. I sigh and walk over to her chair, placing my hand on her shoulder.   
“You need to tell her” I answer, she looks up at me, her eyes glossy and red. I move to sit down beside her, she wipes her eyes with her sleeve.   
“He said he’s going to tonight” She sniffles, her eyes lock on mine. “What should I do after that?” She asks, I sigh placing the baskets onto the plates.  
“What was this all for?” I ask, she looks at me confused, her eyebrows knit together. “You love him, so that means you try” I exclaim, she nods.   
“But I can’t stand you hating me” She sounds frantic again, and she reaches out to grab my hand.   
“I don’t hate you, I do think what you guys did was stupid, and immature but I don’t hate you guys” I sigh. “So John B’s really telling her tonight?” I ask kind of skeptical.   
“Yes, he said we’d talk tonight after everything” She nods. I stand and grab the plates, she watches intently. For some reason I didn’t fully believe John B, I felt like maybe he was more confused than he let her think, but I don’t say anything. I start towards the kitchen, and Sarah stands to follow me. “Why, do you think he won’t tell her?” She asks. I place the dishes in the sink, throwing out the leftover fries in the basket.   
“If he told you he will..” I say, walking back to the table with my rag and spray.   
“Kie” She urges as I start wiping down the table.   
“You’ll see tonight, and if he doesn’t you have to decide what you’re going to do” I explain, focusing on finishing the tables. I wanted to surprise Pope and JJ at work with some food.   
“You think he won’t?” Her voice sounds wobbly again, and I pause, turning to face her.   
“I don’t know” I reply honestly, she nods, tears in her eyes again. Sarah's phone rings out loudly, and she rushes to answer it.   
“Hello” She answers “Okay I’ll meet you there,” She says, nodding her head before she hangs the phone up. “It was John B” She explains, I nod, pulling the chair upon the clean table. She plays with her phone in her hands, looking around awkwardly.   
“Go, just be careful and do the right thing” I instruct, she nods, rushing forward to envelop me in a tight hug. She smells like her strawberry shampoo, mixed with John B’s cologne. I try not to get too irritated by the smell instead I hug her back. I watch as she rushes out the door, a smile etched onto her face. I really hope she does the right thing, hell I hope he already has! I continue cleaning the tables, ready to leave for the night.   
…  
When I get to the marina, I spot Hayward's boat right away, and Pope, who’s piling equipment on the boat.   
“I have revisions” I call out, holding up the bag of take- out, Pope lifts his head, his eyes finding mine. “Where’s JJ?” I ask once I get to the boat, and Pope hops down to the dock.   
“He’s grabbing something from the office” He explains, grabbing the bag from my hand. “Thanks for this” He smiles widely at me, I nod.   
“So I talked to Sarah” I move to sit down on the edge of the boat, as Pope digs through the food.   
“What did she say?” He looks at me curiously. JJ rushes forward then, his hair flopping into his eyes. His eyes land on mine, and a smile grows on his face.   
“What are you doing here?” He asks, stepping forward to peck my lips gently.   
“I brought food, and gossip” I smile, pulling him in for another breathtaking kiss. He turns to Pope who’s already digging into the food.   
“This is why I keep you around” He smirks, and I shove him, glaring. He kisses my cheek, and moves towards Pope, and the food. He sits down next to him, as I lean back onto the edge of the boat.   
“So what’s the gossip?” He asks, mouth full.   
“I talked to Sarah,” I say, and his eyebrows knit together. “She came to work” I explain, he nods. “She told me She felt terrible and she didn't want me to hate her” I start, Pope laughs   
“She should have thought of that before” Pope snarks, I was surprised at his outburst.   
“You’re mad at them too?” I ask, he nods, wiping his mouth.   
“They’re always so selfish with each other” Pope explains, his tone stiff. I didn’t know he felt that way, at all.   
“I didn’t know you felt that strongly about it” I comment back, he shrugs, looking down at his hands.   
“It’s just tiring, all this drama” He replies, JJ nods, patting him on the back. It takes Pope a lot to be frustrated so it’s always so surprised when he’s upset. I knew he was right though, somehow we always ended up being the moral compass or middleman.   
“Do you think he’s gonna tell Lily?” JJ asks, his eyes moving to catch mine.   
“Sarah said he told her he was ending it tonight” I shrug, he nods before taking a bite of the burger. “What if he doesn’t?” I ask, moving to sit next to them.   
“Like at all or he just decides to be with Sarah?” Pope asks  
“Both” I respond, he shrugs  
“If he and Sarah stay together, get ready for some bumpy waters” He exclaims, I let out a small laugh   
“Who would have known me and Kie would be the least dramatic couple,” JJ says, a wide toothy grin on his face.   
“You got lucky” I smirk  
“Ya I did” He winks, making me blush. Pope makes a disgusted face, but laughs anyway.   
“You know I didn't think I’d like you guys as a couple” Pope blurts, I turn to him confused   
“Why?” I ask   
“Just thought it would ruin the dynamic” He explains, leaning back in his chair. He runs a hand through his hair before stretching his arms above his head. “But Sarah and John B changed the dynamic way more than you two did” he points out, and I smile.   
“Like I said” smiling widely at both of them “You two got lucky” I wink, which makes them both let out a small chuckle before throwing a cold fry at me.   
…  
JJ runs his finger down my spine, dipping into one of the dimples that lay at the bottom of my spine. I lean back into him, and he lets out a soft hum of approval. His finger travels back up, sending a shiver through me.   
“How are you not exhausted” I laugh, turning around to face him. I’d just about fallen asleep when JJ’s traveling fingers brought me back. We already had sex twice tonight, and I was exhausted, but JJ’s stamina was strong tonight. He had a sexy smirk on his face, as he shifted so that our noses touched.   
“Sorry I’m attracted to my girlfriend” He coos before capturing my lips. The word girlfriend still sends a tingle through me, not to mention his hands are slowly moving down my body. I, shift, and run my nails up and down his chest, enticing a beautiful groan from him. I run my foot up his leg before I hook it around his waist and use it to pull me into a straddling position. He chuckles lowly and I give him a wicked smile. I place my hands gently on his chest, pushing down on him just a little, he bites down on his lower lip. “You're beautiful baby” He whispers, and my heart flips at the nickname.   
“Say it again,” I remark, my voice gravelly. He leans up, licking his lips lightly.   
“You like it when I call you baby?” He whispers against my lips, a shiver runs through me. His voice vibrates through me, sending a jolt of electricity to my core.   
“I like it when you don’t tease me” I push him back onto the bed, and grind down into him. His hands move to my hips, digging in deliciously.   
“You know I’d never tease you… baby” His smirk is blatant but I can’t find it in me to care, instead, I bend down and capture his lips. The kiss is sloppy and urgent, and sends heat bursting all over my skin. I shift back letting my nails run lazily over his chest before moving to card through his hair. I tug lightly, and he lets out a soft moan against my lips.   
“You like that.. baby” I copy the nickname, sitting up. His eyes darken into something primal.   
“Fuck, that’s hot,” He says, his voice thick with lust. “Why don’t you call me that all the time?” He asks tilting his head in question. The lust simmers and he’s now looking at me with curiosity, which makes my smile widen.   
“Because if I did, we’d never leave this bed” I explain, he grins and squeezes my hips lightly. I run my finger along his jaw before placing it gently against his bottom lip. Everything about him mesmerized me, like he was a painting I wanted to explore to no ends. “You’re beautiful baby” I repeat his line from earlier, meaning every word. He was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen. When my eyes connect with his, they're unbearably soft. I trace my finger down his bottom lip, and chin slowly, keeping my eyes on his.   
“Say it again” He quips slowly.   
I grin, and lean down so that my lips are now touching his. “You’re beautiful baby” I repeat quietly.


End file.
